Missymae737

My dear friends,

During some difficult times, serious health issues regarding both my sons, and possible surgery in my future, I relapsed and became intoxicated on November 11th...As a result, my significant other spent a night in jail due to the insanity of that night...Without going into details, my loved one was not at fault...He was also a recovering alcoholic...

JUST when I thought I was strong in my path of recovery...

The title of my thread was actually said to me...It was like putting a bandaid on my wound...IF recovery is a part of recovery, than I don't want recovery...I want sobriety!!!

Anyhow, I am at a low point in my life however, I am sober and have been since that awful day...

I need all my friends here to tell me that they will continue to support me...My self esteem is at a low point...I feel like I let everyone down but I know I let myself down...

This is so hard...In order to continue coming here I had to be honest with all of you...

To this forum, I am grateful that I have you to come to and empty the hurt...

stone

Hi Marian, I don't know if relapse is part of recovery but a lot of people do it.
The main thing is that you kept it to one night, it is now in the past.

least

Relapse was definately part of my recovery, but I relapsed so often and so badly I thought I'd never get my feet onto solid ground. Now I've got five months and am feeling like a member of the human race again instead of a smelly old sponge.

You can do this! Just stay sober one day at a time.

:ghug3

Horselover

Missy, as everyone else said, you're back and it was one night. Don't dwell on it and I "think" you learned from it all ready.

Glad you posted!

Anna

Hi Missy,

I am so glad that you are back and working on yourself.

Be kind to yourself, and know that you don't have to relapse again.

Sugah

Missymae, I think I can empathetically understand your irritation (not a strong enough word?) at being told that "relapse is part of recovery." It's not, and you know that it's not. Relapse is a rejection of recovery, but that doesn't mean that something can't be learned by it--either by the relapser or those who witness the relapse (ideally both).

I'm glad you're back, that you have yourself realigned with a recovering state of mind. I also appreciate that you have shared what it was like. Already, you're allowing your experience to be valuable to others. I'm sorry for your pain, and I'm also grateful that you're willing to share it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Kellye C

Relapse absolutely is not a part of recovery. Nowhere does it say that. There are many who struggle to get sober and some stumble along the way. As long as they get back up and continue to try there is no shame in that and if they can learn from that then at least it wasn't in vain but contrary to what some would have you believe you do not have to have relapse as part of recovery. That kind of talk almost gave me an opening to relapse earlier in my recovery during a time when a lot of people in my group and on SR were relapsing.

Missy, I am sorry for what you went through and I'm sorry that you were told what you were. I also applaud you for getting back up in the saddle and continuing the journey to a better life. Hang in there one day at a time and you will make it. Stay plugged in to SR and take good care of you!

Hugs,
Kellye

CarolD

I am glad your sober now....
Welcome back

Jersey Nonny

Don't know who would ever tell you that! It's almost like giving you permission to relapse. "It's OK if you relapse, because relapse is a part of recovery". I was told "Relapse is not a prerequisite for sobriety."

My relapse...after four months in AA...was also a one-nighter. After going straight back to detox for a brief refresher course, I learned I simply hadn't been ready to "go to any lengths", and hadn't truly accepted my alcoholism. That was a little over 29 years ago...I guess I had finally become ready. I sure hope and pray I don't need to go through another relapse to convince myself that I'm an honest to goodness bonafide alcoholic!!!

problemchild

Statistics prove that only a few recover without relapse, (wish i had the #'s) happened to me several times. The important thing is to dust off and start over, try something different this time, a saying from my first 30 day rehab years ago ( Keep doing what your doing, Keep getting the same results.)

Take care,
John

Dee74

Hi Marian
the thing to remember is we're all human...we can get overwhelmed...we're not saints...we're always free to make a bad choice.

I don't believe that relapse needs to be a part of recovery....but mistakes often are

I'm sorry you had a bad night but I'm glad you're back

hugs
D

Rowan

Hi Marian,

I have been so worried about you and I am so relieved that you are back. You and I had talked some about what was happening in your life, and when I didn't hear from you for so long, I imagined the worst.

I am sorry that you relapsed, but I am grateful that you survived. You have become a friend and I care about what happens to you.

I hope you are back at meetings and being extra vigilant - especially in light of your health issues, and those of your boys.

Much love and hugs, and prayers for your recovery.

Lynn

NoelleR

"...Statistics prove that only a few recover without relapse, (wish i had the #'s)..." --- ahhh, I wish you had the #'s too. But then, #'s (statistics) can be made to say whatever one wants them to say (I've worked with surveys, making out the questions, etc., and believe me, all my surveys proved the points I was trying to make..or the point of whoever was paying me).

In some brief research of my own, the only numbers I could come up with was approximately 66 2/3% (with) vs 33 1/3% (without), and that those numbers changed if folks lived in sober-living facilities....: According to a two year DePaul University study, published August 2005, lead by Leonard A. Jason, PhD, Center for Community Research, found that individuals living in sober homes have a 65-87% recovery rate without relapse compared to
31% of individuals who went back to their community.

Oh, the heck with numbers; let's get real. Let me give some of MY ES&H regarding relapse. To me, it all depends on who you know, and for me, I know more folks who recovered (are recovering, whatever) without any relapses at all. It wasn't that I went out looking for them, it just happened. When I first asked the person I had asked to be my sponsor about relapse being a part of recovery, shoot...! I thought that ole dyke was gonna rip my head off, or pound it down into my chest, as she shouted.....relapse is NOT a part of recovery!!!!! LOL, gotta luv her.

Relapse IS a part of the disease, NOT a part of recovery. I feel that The ole 'relapse is a part of recovery' came about to make folks who had relapsed feel better about themselves.....BUT, as others have said here, it can also be very dangerous -- giving someone permission to relapse (and perhaps never making it back to recovery). Just because some folks aren't heard from [I sometimes hesitate to post in threads like this, as I have not had a relapse since I started in recovery in 1986, and am sometimes made to feel as if I am bragging, or abnormal or unnatural (since folks who have relapsed are often told that it's normal or natural to relapse)---but that's just moi], doesn't mean we're not out there/here. We are out there/here, and there are lots of us. Perhaps we are the true 'silent majority' LOLOL.

So, Missymae737, even though relapse is NOT a part of recovery, do not be discouraged. Get right back up on this road of happy destiny and get back to trudgin. Just remember, recovery is not a destination, it's a journey.

Perhaps if we stopped talking so much about relapse (being a part of anything); if we talked more about recovery and the solution; if we stopped giving so much attention to it; if we gave more attention to our own recovery and the solutions we have found, perhaps the numbers might change.


NoelleR

tommyk

Relapse is a part of recovery???

Unfortunately... all too often.

But relapse certainly does not have to be part of recovery.

Keep coming back.

Dee74

great line Noelle. ty.

<yoink>

LOL
D

nogard

I am glad your still with us Missy, we are alcoholics and addiicts and thats what we have done for so long that some of us do relapse. Be kind to yourself you made it back which takes some courage - a huge heart.

Kevin

Hevyn

It'll be ok, Missy! You came back, you didn't go on a yearlong binge like I've done in the past...thanks for letting us be part of your life & sharing about that painful day. The last time I messed up I became much stronger and more resolved. I was actually told relapse is part of recovery by my counselor, when I had one-on-one court-ordered counseling due to my DUI's. I felt so much better when he said that, but unfortunately I filed that line away for future use - and did I ever use it! It was ok if I fell off the wagon, after all - it was normal, a Certified DAC said so. I know what is meant by that statement, but it turned out to be not very helpful.

I am sorry for all you are going through. I hope there's a break in the clouds and the sun comes pouring in.

Missybuns

Missy it takes courage to come back. No shame in getting honest!

You did it!

Missymae737

Thank you all for validating my belief that relapse is not a part of recovery...Relapse is very painful...As for myself, relapse continues to haunt me on a daily basis. My son, (oldest), has been bitter towards me. This is most painful...

I haven't made it back to meetings yet...I know that I need to...I just can't shake the thought of having to confess my greatest sin to others'. I don't want to be told of how I let myself get to relapse...I know in my heart why...

I will have a month of sobriety in a few days...Why don't I feel positive about this? I guess it is because I had seventeen months sober...


Thanks for picking me up after falling...You all mean so much to me...

parentrecovers

the folks at your meetings will be happy to see you back, missymae - just like all of us are.

meanwhile, from k