rubyslippers

Hi out there! I've been sober now for a little over 40 days now. Everything is going well as far as the drinking goes, and by that I mean, I'm ok with not drinking for now. I made it through the annual Thanksgiving family gathering (where I used to get schnockered!!!) without too much trouble even though my mom and brother were embibing copious amounts of champagne, red wine, and beer. (They don't have enough respect for my recovery to not drink while I'm around, you see.) Anyway, I made it through without drinking. Yay. As far as the family relationships go, things are worse now than ever. Everyone feels free to make comments like, "you seem really unhappy", and "you need to figure out why you're so down". Duh!!!! Maybe it's because I've finally admitted I'm an alcoholic and I've stopped drinking!!! Just because I'm not swinging from the chandeliers anymore doesn't mean I'm not happy!!! PUHLEAZE!!! I'm so ticked off right now that everyone feels the need to tell me how I'm supposed to be feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, "diagnose/counsel me, please", or "tell me how I'm feeling right now because I sure the hell don't know!!!!" ????? Help!! I could absolutely scream right now I'm so effin angry!!!!!!

Pelican

Yep, people from Alabama can be that way!

Congratulations on your sober time!

Welcome to the SR family. We will support you where you are at. Our real world family and friends, especially those still drinking, may not know how to respond. Some may feel uncomfortable because you are doing something they may not be able to do. You have admitted that you have a problem with alcohol and have made a plan to remain sober. That is strong!

They might be taking your sobriety personally and behaving badly in response.

Keep your focus on your sobriety. This really is about you and your life depends on it!

Welcome :ghug3

christin1225

Dorothy (I mean Rubyslippers), get a pillow and punch it. May not be the wise counsel that most give on this site, but I so feel for you. That's one of the reasons that I can't tell my family anything about what I'm doing. When I quit smoking five years ago, I never told anyone (took them almost two months to realize that I had quit... though they complained constantly about it when I smoked... oh, yeah, I finally had to TELL them!) because I just knew that they would make stupid comments like that (as they always had in the past), I'd get ticked, and light up a cigarette. Sorry about digressing. Anyway, I sometimes wonder if they want to control us by making such stupid comments or push us to see how strong is our resolve. Or if they are just THAT stupid (probably the latter). Whatever the reason, try not to let it get to you. I don't know how to do that ... I'm still choosing the stupid way. But, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. And... it's not written on your forehead... some people just seem to have x-ray vision and the inability to keep their mouths closed. Sorry for their insensitivity.

Anna

I am glad you posted.

I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking. Part of the reason was because I was so embarassed, but I realize that it was a bonus to not have people asking about me. I was having enough trouble getting through the days, without people looking at me in a funny way.

Maybe you could take a break from seeing your family for a little while, until you feel more ready. Above all, take care of yourself and don't let others put you off.

Jadmack25

Coming from the other side of this.
I of course do know when my abf isn't drinking, because I have always been there for the misery of withdrawals. At least I was, until the last time when he did it alone and overseas, but I got blow by blow updates by phone.

My hassle is the no more comments from him after he gets sober.

If I ask how he's going I either get a short answer, maybe just a "ok, thanks", and that is it. If I ask again I have been told, "I'm ok, stop questioning me".
If I don't ask, then at some stage I get told, "you aren't really interested in how I am doing because you never ask me". DUH!!!

He says nothing to me about how his counselling sessions have gone and if I show any interest I get the same replies as above.

It upsets me because it seems like I am only to be allowed to be involved in the c**p of drinking sprees, to be his rescue service when it is all going pear shaped or he's going thru the rotten withdrawals. A few times when getting over a spree, he has asked me to be involved with his counselling, but when he is sober and feeling ok again, I am back in my box and feel like I am walking on eggshells all over again.

Can someone help me, and give me some idea of how to handle this, please. It really bugs me and I am tired of the whole thing. I wish I knew why it is this way for him.