sknyfats

I know I'm opening up a can of worms here...then again - we've got worms crawling all over all of us anyway in our situations, right? ha! ANY way . . .

So - I'm still seeing my AGF. I've done my share of "partying" in the past - but never had any sort of "problems" such as addiction, letting it go, getting in trouble, etc...not meaning to minimize any drug usage - but, honestly - there are those who can drink a beer or two & be fine - and there's nothing wrong with it - and then there are those who drink excessively, and are alcoholics, right?

Anyway - I don't know WTF I'm doing right now. A lot of things I guess...but - to sum it up - I've tried some of the things my AGF has been using. I've had a few vicodins, percocets, oxycontins & sonoma's. No, I'm not taking one or more a day or anything with any frequency; just one here & one there.

Doesn't really "do anything" for me - except give me a bit of energy.

Trying to figure out why I have my head up my a$$ & am even doing this. Part of it is curiosity: what's so great about this stuff? Part of it is wanting to "relate" while she's under the influence. Part of it is jealousy - knowing she mainly does these things with other people...so I'd rather it was with me instead of them...

She even said she was concerned once when she gave me something, cuz she doesn't want me to get hooked; doesn't wish what she is going through on anyone...

I honestly don't think I can or will ever get "hooked" - on any type of drug.

I know what I'm doing is wrong on many levels. Please, don't criticize me & tell me how bad & wrong what I'm doing is. I know that.

I don't know. I just don't get - a lot of things right now.

Any of you ever done anything similar & crossed over to the other side of the fence - "just to see"? Just to "feel" or try to feel what they do?

I feel so freakin' weak - not physically - but as a person...sucks. Just trying to figure out wtf I'm doing "here".

hello-kitty

That's how it starts... who thinks they are going to get hooked when they start using drugs? We all think that we can get away with it. We aren't like them.

Seriously, if your AGF jumps off a bridge are you going to jump too?

Don't be dumb. Quit now. If you can't well... then maybe you should attend some NA meetings and ask her if she wants to go with you.

marle

My daughter started taking oxy because it gave her a bit of energy. Be careful, she ended up addicted to heroin. Pain pills are dangerous. Hugs, Marle

Ann

With love in my heart, I caution you to give this whole situation a second thought, because nobody thinks they will get hooked, and there are a couple of forums above this one where you will find people who thought just like that.

The topic is a good one, because yes, many who have posted here in the past fell into that exact trap, the if you cant beat them, join them trap.

If you can stop, then now would be a good time before it is too late. And if you cannot stop, then now would be a good time to reach out for help. And if you do not want to stop, then know you are in my prayers.

Hugs

outtolunch

Once upon a time, there was this guy who jabbed a needle into his penis, because all his other veins were shot.

Once upon a time, he was a guy, just like you, who said " I don't think I'll ever get hooked".

You are on the cusp of a very slippery slope. Every single addict once believed ( and many persist in believing) they could not get addicted.

And maybe this is what predetermines who will and will not get hooked.
I believe I am as able as the next guy to addiction. There is only one thing that makes me different than an addict....I am not going to try it on.

cassandra2

Why tempt it? Trying something out just too see what its like is alot like the lines of putting your hand on the stove "just to see if its hot". Now because you know that you had a little bit of energy from those pills it is FOREVER in your mind. Meaning say in the future you are working and your very very tired and think man if I just had some "energy" I would be ok and before you know you pop a pill and the cycle starts.

Why bother waking a sleeping giant? You dont know if you have the potential to become an addict until you are already lost in addiction......

Limiya

To answer the original posters question, No. I've NEVER even been tempted to try drugs just cause my abf was using. I didn't care how good he felt, there was no way i was tempted to put anything up my nose apart from AIR!
Never been curious enough to try.
I've asked questions though, and he's answered, but that's as far as it's gone with me.
To be honest, the thought of any drugs repulses me.

I do hope you get out of this situation soon. I wouldn't want you to find out the hard way that actually, you can get addicted.
Peace.

~Limiya~

Impurrfect

yeah...that's how I got addicted to crack. I'd abused a lot of things before, but never got addicted. Crack was the one that I couldn't think of anything else.

You're playing with fire, IMO. I, too, thought I wouldn't get addicted, because I'd put down everything before.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Kimmieh

I once told my ABF that part of the problem of his addiction for me is that I quite like to drink to "take the edge off" and it's one of the reasons why I want him to be sober around me. There was a time in my life during which I was extremely miserable and lonely and I took to drinking a glass of wine here, two there, until I realized that a) a bottle wasn't enough anymore, b) I was drinking that bottle at home by myself at least 2-3 evenings a week and c) I couldn't get past the wine in the grocery store without really wanting some. I quit then and I am careful to this day because when I drink, I want to drink again the next day.

I have never and will not ever try anything like cocaine, crack, etc. because I am really afraid of these drug. ABF used to be a crack addict and told me about the horrors.

One mildly funny story: I had pretty invasive surgery two years ago and after a few days of morphine, I was given percosets. I can be a real ditz because months after that whole ordeal, I was wondering to myself "I actually enjoyed the recovery period somehow. It was not that bad, emotionally or physically." And the it hit me: I was high on percosets, of course! I do remember telling the nurse at the hospital "these are fun" and her giving me a concerned look, but I was probably too loopy to really make any sort of connection. BUT the good thing is that I know that I like percosets way too much and need to be very careful.

I am very happy that I have a great psychiatrist who is extremely reluctant when it comes to Xanax, Klonopin, etc. because I sure am tempted sometimes.

Anyway, I stay clear of temptations. I drink maybe once every three months and it is becoming less and less frequent. Pot doesn't do much for me, but I quit that too because with different circumstances or levels of depression, that can change easily.

Now after reading this post again, I am shocked at how temptations really lurks everywhere...

jerect

NEVER EVER will I EVER touch any kind of drug.. I don't care how dark my days get, I don't care how low my bottom gets I will NEVER go near any kind of legal or illegal mind altering substance... If I get every tooth pulled out of my mouth, I will just suck it up and deal with the pain and hope that Tylonal does the trick..

You wanna know why I feel this way? because I have watched my AH go through addiction hell.. I have watched how he has become a slave to his DOC, I have experianced first hand how drugs will break a family apart and all but destroy a marriage.. I have read countles stories on here of heartache and struggles of trying to get clean.. There is no way in hell I will put myself of my family through this ordeal..

I choose to face life on lifes terms.. I choose to meditate instead of medicate..

Don't ever think that you are immune to addiction.. I'm sure my husband along with countless others thought that this one time wont hurt... look what the one time turned into..

Kimmieh

It's funny that I was always able to go out and drink and party, but never felt I needed alcohol. Then I went years without it (my bf at the time didn't drink at all, which I only now learned to appreciate) until I hit a hard time and started drinking out of the blue. It was as if some sort of switch was flipped and all of a sudden I had cravings that I never had before and to this day I don't know what mechanism was at work in my brain or wherever.

The same with the pain meds: I took the percosets for pain and didn't really want any more when I switched to Motrin. In fact, I switched when I still had about 10 percosets left. I had those for about a year, then took them for back pain. When I ran out I became slightly panicky that I didn't have anything "good" should the pain come back (I get muscle cramps in my back and it's very painful). One night I had to go to the ER because I was in so much pain and they gave me 10 percosets. Mind you, I never abused them, I only took them when I was in real pain, but I also LIKED what they did and all of a sudden I wanted them, so I haven't asked for any since.

For both alcohol and the pain meds, I was able to take them like any non-addicted person until one random day. There was no warning or slow progression. It was strange, especially with the meds. Please stop now while it's still easy. I am so glad I did!

Desiderata

Denial is the demon that consumes the mind, then body, then soul. My experience is like many others and it catches up with you sooner or later. Pills are very addicting, as with all substances. One day you might just find something you like and before you know it....your hooked. Lots of good advice and wisdom here. Wishing you the best of luck!

bigsister1982

I've NEVER seriously considered going through with this, but I have to admit that I've wondered what all this fuss is about when seeing my brother craving his medicine. I just don't get what is so great about it that it would make him go through the lengths he goes through.

I would like to add that it would scare the hell out of me if I even mildly liked the effects of the drugs. And I think that you should probably feel the same way because like everyone else has mentioned, that's how it starts.

GwenMarie30

My thoughts are this: You came to SR looking for help for your addict girlfriend. You didnt like the way she lived her life because of drugs or how it affected yours either. Not to be harsh but who will be here at SR looking for help for you simply because you didnt think you'd get addicted? Are you really willing to risk your life and health and sanity just to see what she goes thru to be closer to her? Isnt her actions enough for you to see 'what its like'? You are playing a game of russian roulet here. Stop this insanity now. As a recovering addict, Im begging you to not do this. I really pray for you tonight.

Desiderata

I'm addicted to many things and have been for years, I'm really good at transferring my addictions. Along with this I have an an addictive personality so I'm struggling with many issues in my life. I thought for years that I could pick up and put down and here I am today in recovery because of an addiction. I'm picking up the pieces of my life, a 17 year marriage and 3 children that I've almost destroyed. I pray you never have to endure this type of pain and suffering because of an addiction. Thanks for your thread, it helps me look at my recovery and think of where I want to be just for today, one day at a time.

bluebelle

I know I have to stay away from that stuff. Both of my parents are addicts, and I think I have an addictive personality. That's why I will never try a slot machine.

Kellye C

I did the "if you can't beat em join em" with alcohol and my second husband. He was an abusive alcoholic. I tried to control his drinking, make him stop, make him moderate, make him treat me and my kids better. Nothing worked. So I started drinking with him. Prior to that I could count on 1 hand the number of times in my life I had been drunk. Within 3 and a half years I had become so physically dependent on alcohol that I couldn't go more than a few hours without a drink without horrible withdrawals setting in. I had more cases of alcohol poisoning than I can count and horrible consequences to my kids, my family, my health. I faced organ shut down and even in the face of that I couldn't quit. I was in a hell of my own making all because I wanted to join him.

I have now been sober over 4 years but getting sober was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. I have multiple health issues and I have to take pain meds and muscle relaxers and I have to stay on my toes to make sure I don't use more than prescribed because I already know I have an addictive personality. I am not so arrogant to think that because I have never had a pill problem in the past that it couldn't happen to me. I made that mistake with alcohol and it almost killed me.

Please be careful. You are playing with fire and I would hate to see you burned. It can happen despite what you think, too many people have already shared how it happened to them.

Best wishes,
Kellye

Alaia

My ex-abf started with Oxy as well. It was just a weekend thing here and there until it became a daily thing and then a heroin thing. Please be careful!

shockozulu

I really like your analogy. It is a slot machine.

My mother is the addict in my life. I tried her meds because I wanted to see what "it" was all about. I wasn't concerned about an addiction. Seeing what the drugs did to her, I thought I would never get hooked. Ha! I ended up with a twenty year addiction to pain pills.

For this reason I won't touch alcohol. I have had it once by choice as a teenager and I drank until I was loaded. For me, touching it again is a slot machine. I don't know if I have control over it.

sknyfats, please stop now before you end up where I was.

winnie12

I dont think any addict started using thinking that they would ever have a problem. most I know were social or did it just because their peer group used. everyone probably said the same thing - its just now and then, i'm never going to have a problem, it isnt that big of a deal to me. once a month turns into once a week which turns into everyday. drugs and alcohol are more powerful then the human body can take and no one is immune. watching my AS go through this has shown me what i dont want my life to become like. i saw what it did to him and also i felt i was hyprocritical to open a bottle of wine in front of him and then tell him not to smoke dope - so i quit. The best way to teach someone is by example not by words.

Even though i quit socially drinking about a year ago my son will still throw it in my face when looking for any excuse for him to use. If she gets you to use even occassionally then she is building up ammunition and is gaining your acceptance. Why is it wrong for her to use and not you? Even my own son tried to give me drugs. I was going through some personal problem and also have a problem with panic attacks and he was always offering to get me some valium. I refused adamently and told him that the doctor put me on things that help my problem without getting me high or being addictive. I know that he wasnt trying to help me, he was trying to get me to join in becuase then he wouldnt have to feel like what he was doing was wrong. He even throws my usage when i was young against me - 20 years ago I did drugs and he finds that important to bring up to everyone he speaks with and anytime he gets in trouble. This is a trap and if you join in then you will never be able to tell her that drugs are hurting her. You cannot control her drug use but you can control her own.

I have to ask why you think it would be so easy for her to stop if you're not willing to throw drugs out of your own life. If its no big deal and you dont really like it then why do it?