hoping this is a first step

Old 07-28-2003, 11:19 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2003
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hoping this is a first step

Hello there,
I think it has taken me about 1/2 an hour to even start typing this. I have been "keeper of the secret" specially from myself, for so long even doing this feels like betrayal. I'm hoping if I do a little venting here it will give me the strength I need to try to dig my way out of this.

I'm a 40 year old mom who really needs to see that she is living with an alcoholic. My husband of 16 years has always been a heavy drinker but promised to quit 3 years ago. I stuck my head up my butt apparently and believed him until about 6 months ago when I discovered (ya right) that he was secretly drinking about a dozen beer a day and hiding it from me. After about 6 relapses he finally went to an AA meeting but didn't really like it because of the "God" stuff. He has been secretly drinking again but lying about it......apparently I'm stupid enough to fall for the "but I always chew gum" line. Tonight was the final straw when I came home to find him and our 9 year old son out in the boat until dark. When he finally pulled up on the beach some 4 hours after he had left he could still barely stand. I wanted to rip his lungs out.

This is all just surreal to me. This just can't be happening to me. I used to always think that women who put up with alcoholics were weak.....just throw him out! But when faced with what "throw him out" actually looks like it is terrifying (and pretty humbling). I'm feeling kind of lost right now.
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Old 07-29-2003, 07:29 AM
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: walking down a happier trail
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Pixie,
you are so not alone! I was with my A for over 9 years... We have 4 children... He made a choice a few weeks ago (3 weeks and 2 days today) and he isnt living here anymore....
I always said that I would only put up with his drinking for so long. It has taken me alot of riding the emotional roller coaster to get to where I am now and I turned my head to alot of his drinking just because I loved him so much... I didnt want to see how bad it really was... I didnt want to have to accept and deal with the fact that he was/is an A... But the sad sad truth is that he is and until he wakes up and realizes it there is nothing anyone else can do for him...

Let me be the first to tell you that throwing them out is hard! however it CAN be done.... Since I threw him out I have completely changed my house... it's spotless! and the kids who were to lazy for words are keeping their rooms cleaning and helping me around the house...
Keep your chin up and do WHATEVER it takes to keep you sane! One day at a time is all that you can handle.

Love and Light,
Kat
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Old 07-29-2003, 09:24 AM
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Hi Pixie and welcome!

I hope you will check out an alanon meeting, or at least get some reading material about codependency. There are a lot of good suggestions in the "book club" post in the power-posts at the top of this forum.

Believe me, we all understand how maddening and confusing it can be. Surreal is a great word to describe the atmosphere. Always feel free to come here and share with us!

hugs!
Smoke
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