hello-kitty

My ex was released from jail yesterday, on bail. He called and wanted to see his son. I let him. Our son was stoked. This morning I explained to our son that “daddy comes and goes, but mommy will always be here for you.”

He mentioned being in jail in front of his son. His son’s eyes got big as saucers and he said “you were in JAIL???” The kid is too smart. I just told him, before his dad could answer, “Yes, your daddy made some really bad choices and he had to go to jail. Hopefully he makes good choices now.”

To be honest, I see no change in him, and doubt he will stay clean for long. He is not going to attend any treatment program. He refuses to attend meetings. He is starting to make contact with his old party scene friends. He is so very cocky and acts a lot like a three year old himself. I’m so very sad for him. It's just a matter of time. And he knows it. There is no commitment to remaining clean and sober in his heart. He doesn't seem to care.

He will be gone again soon. And that is fine with me. He is supposed to be getting some govt assistance and food stamps so I am really hoping he gives the food stamps to me. That way I can spend our food money on Christmas presents.

I feel sufficiently detached and I am just going to deal with the situation on a day by day basis. Like I said. He will be back in jail soon. I am sure of it.

I wish my son didn’t know about jail. I wanted my son to have a life that is as “normal” as possible. And that is not normal. I hope he doesn’t tell the teachers at preschool.

Impurrfect

(((Kitty)))

When my niece was 3, she was putting Barbie in jail, then bonding her out. She even told ME I had to go to jail, one day, for something silly. I asked her who would feed my cats, and she said "okay, I'll bond you out, but just this once". They grow up way too fast.

I hope you can remain detached. I know how hard it is, when they are right there, and you see your son getting his hopes up. I wouldn't count on little A not telling his teachers at preschool...3-year-olds don't know how NOT to tell things.

Stay strong, sweetie.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Ann

I agree, you are doing just fine. You can only protect her so much, but you can give her lots of love and make sure she can talk to you if she has questions or is upset by anything.

I have always had a tender spot in my heart for the children, they are the innocents in all this and I'm glad your little girl has you for a mama.

Hugs

outtolunch

Just curious how someone in his situation can qualify for Gov't assistance and food stamps, all things considered.

Impurrfect

actually, people recently released from prison qualify for a LOT of gov't assisted programs. I found out about this when a friend was released last year..college assistance, buying houses, work training, etc. For someone who really wants to make a better life, I sort of understand. For someone who wants to abuse the system..no comment.

((Kitty)) - I'm not even talking about your ex above..just in generalities.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

outtolunch

Thank you. I obviously had no idea there were so many opportunities.

Kallista

That's funny and sad at the same time.

Aesakitty

Why don't you apply for food stamps? No answer really needed, just wanted to point out that you might be qualified for them.

hello-kitty

I don't qualify for any government programs. Which means I pay for everything myself - fulltime daycare, house payment, gas, groceries, car insurance, etc etc. He gives me no financial support (except hopefully these food stamps). I live in an expensive part of the country so it's a challenge to pay bills and buy food every month. We really struggle sometimes. The food stamps will really help. And it's going to a good cause so it's not really abusing the system - It will keep me from losing our house and it will feed my child. And he qualifies.

Lord knows he's not interested in any free rehab program the government might offer.

I hate that he is out of jail and "trying" to stay clean. Because that means he wants to be a part of his sons life. And I haven't been able to draw a firm boundary about keeping him out of his sons life - when he's clean and sober. I see the writing on the wall. I feel the danger of allowing Andrew to see his father, and then when his father decides he wants to go out and party one night, he will disapear from Andrews life again - for a long time. And the viscious cycle repeats. But there really isn't a lot I can do besides damage control in this situation. I won't be giving D any information about where his son goes to school. or allowing him to take him anywhere.

It's tough. It sucks. I'm doing the best I can.