Looking for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: south jersey
Posts: 80
Looking for help
Hi,
I am new to this forum and need some help. I started seeing my exgirlfriend again about two months ago after breaking up last year. she is 30 i am 40. Immediately after we started dating again her sister approached me with a large ziplock bag of stuff she found in my exgirlfriend's room. about 2 dozen or so empty heroin bags, crack vials, crack pipe, several needle caps, cotton, steel wool. when confronted she claimed that she had used stuff but was clean. Over the next two weeks more stuff was found. She said that was stuff they didnt find from before. Then last weekend her step mother saw her in her room huddled in the corner burning/melting something at 5am. she claimed to have just smoked a joint. she usually goes outside to smoke. also 4 burnt spoons were recently found. Her sister thinks she is doing heroin, and coke and or crack. she works at a chain restaurant and has easy access.
last year when we lived together she had issues with prescription stuff- percs, vic, etc. and smoked weed every night and sometime in the day (although small amounts of it).
i have been around and have seen family and friends fall prey to addiction, but htis girl shows none of the signs. i do only see her about 2-3 times a week. i have also recently decided to give pot a rest.
my concern is, how do i know she is still using? she doesnt know i know all of this stuff. i even think the pot smoking isa problem for her. i need some time away from it all and am actually willing to end the relationship or at least put it on hold. but the thing is i need to be certain she is using before i act. i want to focus on my studies again. i amready to leave that part of my life behind. buti dont want to abandon her either. i have gone to naranon meetings but hope some of you can help me determine if she is using. thanks very much.
I am new to this forum and need some help. I started seeing my exgirlfriend again about two months ago after breaking up last year. she is 30 i am 40. Immediately after we started dating again her sister approached me with a large ziplock bag of stuff she found in my exgirlfriend's room. about 2 dozen or so empty heroin bags, crack vials, crack pipe, several needle caps, cotton, steel wool. when confronted she claimed that she had used stuff but was clean. Over the next two weeks more stuff was found. She said that was stuff they didnt find from before. Then last weekend her step mother saw her in her room huddled in the corner burning/melting something at 5am. she claimed to have just smoked a joint. she usually goes outside to smoke. also 4 burnt spoons were recently found. Her sister thinks she is doing heroin, and coke and or crack. she works at a chain restaurant and has easy access.
last year when we lived together she had issues with prescription stuff- percs, vic, etc. and smoked weed every night and sometime in the day (although small amounts of it).
i have been around and have seen family and friends fall prey to addiction, but htis girl shows none of the signs. i do only see her about 2-3 times a week. i have also recently decided to give pot a rest.
my concern is, how do i know she is still using? she doesnt know i know all of this stuff. i even think the pot smoking isa problem for her. i need some time away from it all and am actually willing to end the relationship or at least put it on hold. but the thing is i need to be certain she is using before i act. i want to focus on my studies again. i amready to leave that part of my life behind. buti dont want to abandon her either. i have gone to naranon meetings but hope some of you can help me determine if she is using. thanks very much.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Steve)))
Welcome to SR!
I would say, with the things that have been found in her room, that she is using. I'm a recovering crack addict, and I can tell you that once I stopped smoking crack, there was NO WAY I would have kept a crack pipe, or anything associated with it anywhere near me.
Whether you leave or stay is your decision, but I wouldn't look at it as abandoning her if you decide to leave...it's a matter of taking care of you.
I guess if you really want proof, you could ask her to take a drug screen. Most drugs are out of your system in 3-7 days. If she's really been clean, as she says she has, (other than pot), she wouldn't have a problem with taking one. My guess, though, is she will not want to take one, and will come up with some kind of reason of why she can't. Also, no matter what you find in her room, and even if you catch her red-handed, she will most likely lie..that's what we addicts do.
One important thing to remember is the 3 c's..you didn't cause it, you can't change it, and you can't cure it. The best thing you can do is take care of you. She's going to do what she's going to do.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!
I would say, with the things that have been found in her room, that she is using. I'm a recovering crack addict, and I can tell you that once I stopped smoking crack, there was NO WAY I would have kept a crack pipe, or anything associated with it anywhere near me.
Whether you leave or stay is your decision, but I wouldn't look at it as abandoning her if you decide to leave...it's a matter of taking care of you.
I guess if you really want proof, you could ask her to take a drug screen. Most drugs are out of your system in 3-7 days. If she's really been clean, as she says she has, (other than pot), she wouldn't have a problem with taking one. My guess, though, is she will not want to take one, and will come up with some kind of reason of why she can't. Also, no matter what you find in her room, and even if you catch her red-handed, she will most likely lie..that's what we addicts do.
One important thing to remember is the 3 c's..you didn't cause it, you can't change it, and you can't cure it. The best thing you can do is take care of you. She's going to do what she's going to do.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: south jersey
Posts: 80
thanks amy. i dont know that she has ever gotten to the point of addiction. i think this is early. ah, wtf do i know?!? she could have been using for a long time.
addicts will lie and are good at it. i know that. i just figured i would SEE something in her. how is an addict able to prove that she is not using?
addicts will lie and are good at it. i know that. i just figured i would SEE something in her. how is an addict able to prove that she is not using?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
The ole "that was from before" excuse. How many times have I heard that? The first step when you quit anything is to get rid of everything. Even smokers quitting will throw away ashtrays.
what would it take for you to know - do you have to see her actually doing it to believe it.
what would it take for you to know - do you have to see her actually doing it to believe it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Steve)))
Before I became addicted to crack, I abused a lot of things...alcohol, opiates, food. I quit them all, easily, no withdrawals. It was crack that brought me to my knees. However, I now see that I was always looking for something to take me out of my life, if that makes any sense...I didn't want to deal with life...so I used something to distract me. Heroin is pretty darned addictive, and I don't know of anyone who uses recreationally, at least not for long. Same thing with crack.
If she's using these things, she's avoiding life. Is this someone you really want to be in a relationship with? Just something to think about.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Before I became addicted to crack, I abused a lot of things...alcohol, opiates, food. I quit them all, easily, no withdrawals. It was crack that brought me to my knees. However, I now see that I was always looking for something to take me out of my life, if that makes any sense...I didn't want to deal with life...so I used something to distract me. Heroin is pretty darned addictive, and I don't know of anyone who uses recreationally, at least not for long. Same thing with crack.
If she's using these things, she's avoiding life. Is this someone you really want to be in a relationship with? Just something to think about.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Steve,
From what you have described your girlfriend is definetly using again...
From what you have described that is exactly what she is using... Of course she is going to lie when confronted... thats just what addicts do.. I once confronted my AH with a bag of pills that I found and he straight up told me that he did not know where they came from or why they were hidden under the seat of his truck.. He really expected me to believe him..
The food and beverage industry is notorious for easy access to drugs.. My AH works for a major chain and he recently told me that one time when he used to bartend.. some of his regulars used to tip him with pills instead of cash.. It's going to be really hard for her to stay clean while she is working someplace like that.. I'm not saying that it can't be done but unless she is serious about her recovery her job is basicly a candy store for anything and everything she could want.
If you want proof that she is using, just sit back and watch you will know soon enough because you can hide that kind of drug abuse for long... but I think you already have the proof you need... the writing is on the wall you just need to take the time to read it..
As a wife of an addict, the best advice I can give you is to Get out of this relationship.. now... get out before she sucks you in to this crazy insaine world that she lives in...
No matter what.... DO keep going to meetings....
From what you have described your girlfriend is definetly using again...
Her sister thinks she is doing heroin, and coke and or crack. she works at a chain restaurant and has easy access.
The food and beverage industry is notorious for easy access to drugs.. My AH works for a major chain and he recently told me that one time when he used to bartend.. some of his regulars used to tip him with pills instead of cash.. It's going to be really hard for her to stay clean while she is working someplace like that.. I'm not saying that it can't be done but unless she is serious about her recovery her job is basicly a candy store for anything and everything she could want.
If you want proof that she is using, just sit back and watch you will know soon enough because you can hide that kind of drug abuse for long... but I think you already have the proof you need... the writing is on the wall you just need to take the time to read it..
As a wife of an addict, the best advice I can give you is to Get out of this relationship.. now... get out before she sucks you in to this crazy insaine world that she lives in...
No matter what.... DO keep going to meetings....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by wooforever 
Check for needle marks. If she does not have any in her arms, she could be shouting up between the toes or any other place that is not seen.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
how do i know she is still using?
Immediately after we started dating again her sister approached me with a large ziplock bag of stuff she found in my exgirlfriend's room. about 2 dozen or so empty heroin bags, crack vials, crack pipe, several needle caps, cotton, steel wool. when confronted she claimed that she had used stuff but was clean. Over the next two weeks more stuff was found. She said that was stuff they didnt find from before. Then last weekend her step mother saw her in her room huddled in the corner burning/melting something at 5am. she claimed to have just smoked a joint.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Steve,
Not only trust what you SEE.... ie, a bag of spoons, needles etc, trust what you feel. If you ask her and she says NO, what do you think she is going to say??? "yes, hon, I'm an addict, I shoot heroin etc?" Of course not.
I wouldn't walk one foot further into this relationship- most of us (I believe) have been in a relationship for a while with our partners/or kids, etc, and it isn't that easy to just walk away-
You are asking if you should walk into a relationship- with all of this???? Urgh, believe me, and everyone else here- ((just read all our posts)) It is a terrible, insane world you will be living in.
Run.
Take care,
Cessy
Not only trust what you SEE.... ie, a bag of spoons, needles etc, trust what you feel. If you ask her and she says NO, what do you think she is going to say??? "yes, hon, I'm an addict, I shoot heroin etc?" Of course not.
I wouldn't walk one foot further into this relationship- most of us (I believe) have been in a relationship for a while with our partners/or kids, etc, and it isn't that easy to just walk away-
You are asking if you should walk into a relationship- with all of this???? Urgh, believe me, and everyone else here- ((just read all our posts)) It is a terrible, insane world you will be living in.
Run.
Take care,
Cessy
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