is it wrong to ask for proof?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
is it wrong to ask for proof?
My ABF supposedly started outpatient rehab today. He went to see a counselor this morning, and he has an appt with a psychiatrist this afternoon. I'm getting all stressed that maybe he's not seeing a counselor at all. Maybe he's at some other doctors office trying to get more pills. I told him today that I'd like to see some kind of proof that he went to where he said he went. He's all mad about it. He is just now leaving for the psychiatrist. Is it wrong for me to ask for proof that he is really going to get drug rehab?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
You are right, his actions will show soon enough whether or not he is serious about recovery. Last night, he seemed so sincere. he had talked to his counselor that he had before we moved. He sat down with me and shared what they talked about. She had said that he needed to be open with me.
However, this morning after he got back from counseling, he said that they put electrodes on his back to relax him. ??? That seemed strange to me. Like, maybe he had gone to a physical therapy place because he's still trying to claim that he needs painkillers for back pain.
I know you're right. I'm too wrapped up in this. I'm just frustrated because he was telling me so many lies before (as in less than a week ago). I had no idea how much doctor/pharmacy shopping he had been doing until I looked through his stuff. Of course, he was very angry with me for looking through his stuff.
His tapering didn't work. He already took them all. No surprise. So, he claims that he is going to go cold turkey. Of course, I will know he is telling the truth if he gets all sick from withdrawals.
However, this morning after he got back from counseling, he said that they put electrodes on his back to relax him. ??? That seemed strange to me. Like, maybe he had gone to a physical therapy place because he's still trying to claim that he needs painkillers for back pain.
I know you're right. I'm too wrapped up in this. I'm just frustrated because he was telling me so many lies before (as in less than a week ago). I had no idea how much doctor/pharmacy shopping he had been doing until I looked through his stuff. Of course, he was very angry with me for looking through his stuff.
His tapering didn't work. He already took them all. No surprise. So, he claims that he is going to go cold turkey. Of course, I will know he is telling the truth if he gets all sick from withdrawals.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Bluebelle))) - The electrodes could be biofeedback, which is a form of therapy.
However, I agree with anvil. I've done the "I want proof, dammit" and when I got what I thought I wanted, it still wasn't enough. Or if I went snooping, I usually didn't like what I found. Took me a while to learn to just sit back and go by the actions....actions don't lie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
However, I agree with anvil. I've done the "I want proof, dammit" and when I got what I thought I wanted, it still wasn't enough. Or if I went snooping, I usually didn't like what I found. Took me a while to learn to just sit back and go by the actions....actions don't lie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Well, the plot thickens ......
I was right to think that he wasn't being honest. The whole outpatient rehab thing was made up. He didn't go see a counselor today, and he didn't go see a psychiatrist today. He fessed up. He went back to his regular doctor, and supposedly he told him about treatment programs. He claims that he is no longer receiving codeine from the doc...but, who knows. He very well probably still has codeine. He claims that he was at the cafe this morning thinking about things.
It's insane. I'm dealing with an addict who is still using, so the stories are all over the place. He claims that he lied about the treatment because he felt that I wanted him to be in treatment right away. He claims that he was honest with his doctor today. That doctor told him that he should be honest with me, so that's why he called me (from the parking lot). I just can't believe how crazy this has all gotten.
I was right to think that he wasn't being honest. The whole outpatient rehab thing was made up. He didn't go see a counselor today, and he didn't go see a psychiatrist today. He fessed up. He went back to his regular doctor, and supposedly he told him about treatment programs. He claims that he is no longer receiving codeine from the doc...but, who knows. He very well probably still has codeine. He claims that he was at the cafe this morning thinking about things.
It's insane. I'm dealing with an addict who is still using, so the stories are all over the place. He claims that he lied about the treatment because he felt that I wanted him to be in treatment right away. He claims that he was honest with his doctor today. That doctor told him that he should be honest with me, so that's why he called me (from the parking lot). I just can't believe how crazy this has all gotten.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I'm not sure. I have two job interviews coming up. At this point, I'm not even working. So, I'm not financially independent in any way. I called so that I could get an appt with a counselor. It will take a few weeks for an intake nurse to call me back. I ordered that book Addictive Thinking. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to leave him. We've been together for 12 years, and there have been a lot of really goood things about this relationship. He really is a very good person--very smart, sweet, caring, etc. Things were going well while he wasn't using--at least I thought so. We moved to this new place and were starting to make a life for ourselves.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
((((((Bluebelle))))))
I have been there done that and I have many t-shirts to prove it...
There is nothing more frustrating then the web of lies an addict wants you to believe..the snooping, the secrets the denials, the empty promises... it's a never ending cycle of insanity
Anvil is right, what are YOUR next steps.. steps to protect you from further insanity... steps to protect you financially and steps to protect you from going completely crazy from his addiction.
I hate to break it to you but it will get a lot crazier before it's all over with...
Addiction = Insanity... you cannot argue or reason with insanity..
I have been there done that and I have many t-shirts to prove it...
There is nothing more frustrating then the web of lies an addict wants you to believe..the snooping, the secrets the denials, the empty promises... it's a never ending cycle of insanity
Anvil is right, what are YOUR next steps.. steps to protect you from further insanity... steps to protect you financially and steps to protect you from going completely crazy from his addiction.
I just can't believe how crazy this has all gotten.
Addiction = Insanity... you cannot argue or reason with insanity..
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Back when I used to want proof it was just my ego getting ready to do battle...I already knew the truth it was just a question of if I was going to do battle.
When I let my knowing take charge it became clear that I already had all the evidence I needed by looking at the actions. When I gave up the need to be right things changed for me.
When I let my knowing take charge it became clear that I already had all the evidence I needed by looking at the actions. When I gave up the need to be right things changed for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I just told ABF that I think he's still on the codeine. He's in the kitchen cleaning, cooking soup, and making salad. That is obviously not the sign of someone who is 2-day clean. I feel pissed off about the doctor that was giving him the drug. The doctor even got a fax from another doctor about ABF's drug-seeking ways, but he still gave ABF more painkiller. He gave him a prescription last week, and I believe he gave him another prescription today. This is even though the doctor has seen the printout of all the meds that ABF has received in the past 3 months.
Anyway, back to me.
My plan is over a period of 6 months. I will get a job, and start saving money. I will re-evaluate the situation in 6 months, but if things are still a mess, I will go ahead and move out then. As much as I love him, this is too unhealthy of a situation. It's driving me nuts.
I think ABF realizes that I'm coming to the end of my rope. He called a treatment center (with me in the room), and called his insurance for pre-aproval. Right now, he is in the process of calling his old friends and telling them that he has relapsed.
Anyway, back to me.
My plan is over a period of 6 months. I will get a job, and start saving money. I will re-evaluate the situation in 6 months, but if things are still a mess, I will go ahead and move out then. As much as I love him, this is too unhealthy of a situation. It's driving me nuts.
I think ABF realizes that I'm coming to the end of my rope. He called a treatment center (with me in the room), and called his insurance for pre-aproval. Right now, he is in the process of calling his old friends and telling them that he has relapsed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I understand your being upset about the doctor, but speaking as a recovering addict myself, I guarantee, where there's a will, there's a way, and we will find a doctor to prescribe. I abused prescription meds for many years before I really went off the deep end with illegal drugs.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Freedom1990 
I guarantee, where there's a will, there's a way, and we will find a doctor to prescribe.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Making plans, for the moment, doesn't have to be making plans to leave. The things you mention are all good regardless of where your relationship is going.
So, what if, just as you'd like him to "agree" to steps to improve his life, you make a deal with yourself to "agree" to make your life better as well? With or without him.
Keep moving forward and in time, the answers will be there, and you'll know what the next "step" needs to be.
Wishing you the best
(((Hugs)))
So, what if, just as you'd like him to "agree" to steps to improve his life, you make a deal with yourself to "agree" to make your life better as well? With or without him.
Keep moving forward and in time, the answers will be there, and you'll know what the next "step" needs to be.
Wishing you the best
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Bluebelle, as I told someone else earlier on a different post, believe your gut....
I'm not sure what he is useing, however for me the cooking cleaning etc was/is a sign that he IS useing!!
The moments I know he isn't or is comming down from a high, is when he is empty, cold, irritable, mean, vicious, unapproachable.... the list goes on and on......
My abf is hooked on oxycodone.... and believe me I know when he is useing, he is my "old boyfriend" that I had before oxy. He is fun, loving, motivated, calls me from work with laughter in his voice, comes home and is active around the house, plays with the dogs etc.
The minute that stops, I KNOW he's missing his best friend. Mr. oxy. See, it plays with your central nervous system and ALL the chemicals in the brain that seperate pleasure/pain/emotion.... once hooked and dependent, an addict needs the medicine just to feel "normal". Deep depression is a good sign the addict dosen't have the fix, or not enough of it....
This is from my experience and all the reading I have done. It is a miserable existance to live with this, and I truely don't believe there is anything we can do. Asking, begging, yelling, helping.... all that is doing is makeing US crazy. I at the very least have stopped that. My abf "said" he was calling the doc. today. Yep. I didn't believe it, (and he brought it up not me)- but I said "ok hon- good for you.... let me know what he says..."
That was it, and you know what? I didn't ask him today ; if he called, or what the doc said....etc. (even though I wanted to). Bottom line is if he called he would have told me. If he called and for some reason didn't tell me (doubtful) well than good for him.
I'm done beating my head against a wall - praying that I get the answers I want to hear. Now I just pray I gain enough strength to say, "enough is enough- goodbye"
I hope you find the peace you need to carry on with your life and not allow him to drag your spirit down.
hugs,
Cessy
I'm not sure what he is useing, however for me the cooking cleaning etc was/is a sign that he IS useing!!
The moments I know he isn't or is comming down from a high, is when he is empty, cold, irritable, mean, vicious, unapproachable.... the list goes on and on......
My abf is hooked on oxycodone.... and believe me I know when he is useing, he is my "old boyfriend" that I had before oxy. He is fun, loving, motivated, calls me from work with laughter in his voice, comes home and is active around the house, plays with the dogs etc.
The minute that stops, I KNOW he's missing his best friend. Mr. oxy. See, it plays with your central nervous system and ALL the chemicals in the brain that seperate pleasure/pain/emotion.... once hooked and dependent, an addict needs the medicine just to feel "normal". Deep depression is a good sign the addict dosen't have the fix, or not enough of it....
This is from my experience and all the reading I have done. It is a miserable existance to live with this, and I truely don't believe there is anything we can do. Asking, begging, yelling, helping.... all that is doing is makeing US crazy. I at the very least have stopped that. My abf "said" he was calling the doc. today. Yep. I didn't believe it, (and he brought it up not me)- but I said "ok hon- good for you.... let me know what he says..."
That was it, and you know what? I didn't ask him today ; if he called, or what the doc said....etc. (even though I wanted to). Bottom line is if he called he would have told me. If he called and for some reason didn't tell me (doubtful) well than good for him.
I'm done beating my head against a wall - praying that I get the answers I want to hear. Now I just pray I gain enough strength to say, "enough is enough- goodbye"
I hope you find the peace you need to carry on with your life and not allow him to drag your spirit down.
hugs,
Cessy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Thanks for all the kind words.
Cessy, my ABF's DOC is oxycodone, too. I'm sure he's still on it. He admitted that he's scared of all the feelings that will come rushing back when he stops.
Good addiction of codeine addiction. I'm afraid that's how it is around here. He keeps trying to reassure me that he'll beat this, he doesn't want to live like this, etc. However, absolutely nothing will change as long as he keeps taking it. I just don't get it.
We're fighting about everything. I swear he asked me 4 times the same question about my interview tomorrow. Since his brain is on that stuff, he doesn't remember that he already asked me--and I already answered. The arguing doesn't do any good since he's not in a normal frame of mind. His common sense is shot.
Cessy, my ABF's DOC is oxycodone, too. I'm sure he's still on it. He admitted that he's scared of all the feelings that will come rushing back when he stops.
Good addiction of codeine addiction. I'm afraid that's how it is around here. He keeps trying to reassure me that he'll beat this, he doesn't want to live like this, etc. However, absolutely nothing will change as long as he keeps taking it. I just don't get it.
We're fighting about everything. I swear he asked me 4 times the same question about my interview tomorrow. Since his brain is on that stuff, he doesn't remember that he already asked me--and I already answered. The arguing doesn't do any good since he's not in a normal frame of mind. His common sense is shot.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
[QUOTE=Freedom1990;2011769] I guarantee, where there's a will, there's a way, and we will find a doctor to prescribe. QUOTE]
My AH was buying these things off the street... he skipped the middle man and went straight to the source... If they want to use they will find a way to use.. be it through a prescription or through a dealer..
My AH was buying these things off the street... he skipped the middle man and went straight to the source... If they want to use they will find a way to use.. be it through a prescription or through a dealer..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
bluebelle,
Yep- sounds exactly the same- the other day- I asked him about a friend of ours.... "WHO????" he responded.... I couldn't believe it. It is HIS friend, not mine, and he had no clue what I was talking about.
In addition, he does ask/tell me things over and over, and yes it is infuriating. I used to get soooo mad, and bring up the drugs when he did it. Now I say nothing... It is simply easier.
Hugs,
Cessy
Yep- sounds exactly the same- the other day- I asked him about a friend of ours.... "WHO????" he responded.... I couldn't believe it. It is HIS friend, not mine, and he had no clue what I was talking about.
In addition, he does ask/tell me things over and over, and yes it is infuriating. I used to get soooo mad, and bring up the drugs when he did it. Now I say nothing... It is simply easier.
Hugs,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by bluebelle
Thanks for all the kind words.
He admitted that he's scared of all the feelings that will come rushing back when he stops.
He admitted that he's scared of all the feelings that will come rushing back when he stops.
"Opening up" about this stuff tends to be manipulation and yeah, we have all fallen for these moments.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I agree, he is rationalizing his usage. He's been giving me all these reasons why he relapsed--his parents death (2 years ago), the economy, etc. That whining really gets to me, because we all have to face all kinds of pain.
I've felt more hopeful today. I'm really trying to detach, let go, and let God. It gets difficult when he says things like, "It's Day 3 since I've taken codeine, and I don't feel too bad. I'm taking Kaopectate, increased my antidepressant and am taking L'Tyrosine, which really helps." I know it is total BS. Now he is stating that he needs to go buy Epson Salts. However, it is all fake!!!! Amazing. He's faking his own withdrawals.
I left the house and drove to my interview. I kept repeating to myself that God will take care of him, and that it is not my job to take care of him. I had to turn my focus around to my job interview. The interview went pretty well, so maybe I'll get good news out of that.
I've felt more hopeful today. I'm really trying to detach, let go, and let God. It gets difficult when he says things like, "It's Day 3 since I've taken codeine, and I don't feel too bad. I'm taking Kaopectate, increased my antidepressant and am taking L'Tyrosine, which really helps." I know it is total BS. Now he is stating that he needs to go buy Epson Salts. However, it is all fake!!!! Amazing. He's faking his own withdrawals.
I left the house and drove to my interview. I kept repeating to myself that God will take care of him, and that it is not my job to take care of him. I had to turn my focus around to my job interview. The interview went pretty well, so maybe I'll get good news out of that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Focus on your plan. Stick with it no matter what. That will help you detach. When we focus on ourselves, it gives the addict freedom to make the choices he needs to make to get to where he's going... wherever that is. Accept that he is doing exactly what he needs to do right now on his life journey (even if it is faking withdrawals). And then focus on your own life and making it what you want it to be.
Let go and let God. You can come out of this a smarter stronger better person than you were going into it.
Let go and let God. You can come out of this a smarter stronger better person than you were going into it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
