ericamay

So I haven't drank in 5 days. I have been reading a lot of posts, and can relate to quite a few. (As I am sure we all can) I hear a lot of people say things like "when you drank you were supressing your emotions, and now that you're sober it is like a roller coaster of emotions" and etc. Well, that is exactly the opposite for me. Drinking once a week, and going all nite and morning long was my therapy. That was really where my true emotions, feelings, ideas, anger, guilt, and happiness all came out. Even if I was all alone, I would watch movies, drink a drink about every 20 or 30 minutes, and start to think. Sometimes I would cry and cry and write out all I was feeling, then read it the next day clear headed, and I would really see my true emotions, raw and uncensored. Then try to pray about it and work on those issues that came out while drinking. Believe it or not, it worked, a lot!! Does that sound backwards?? It helped me look and see my true issues, and work on forgiving myself for them and working on them. I really looked forward to doing this. Now it is hard to think of never doing that again, I don't know if I can!! Anyway, just thinking aloud!!

Jakey

Congrats on 5 days Erica! I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I definitely think that when I was drinking my true emotions and feelings would come out, that would get me in trouble sometimes though lol...

You can do this, stay strong!

Sugah

ericamay, I was much like you. I drank. I cried. I ranted. I raved. I could get pretty nucking futz.

Then I got sober, and I was flat. The month I came home from rehab, five people close to me died. I couldn't cry. When I did laugh, it surprised me.

Somewhere around three months sober, I started into an emotional period. It lasted for months. Maybe longer.

Today? I laugh loud and hearty, sometimes I cry, but for the most part, I'm on a pretty even keel.

Just my two cents...

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Theresa

Erica, I found that drinking brought out a lot of the emotions that I was feeling too, and too timid to share w/o a drink. So I held back a lot of these emotions--and boy did they flow when the wine did. The trouble is that I used wine more and more often to settle myself, to allow the tears to fall. And I was spending too much time alone drinking or was spending too much time with people who encourage drinking--my choice though, to be with them.

In the long run, for me, this type of thinking and letting loose of emotions was getting more and more foggy, and less and less like "me," the person I was when I was young, the person I believe that I am. Having been sober for a little while now (not that long, just six weeks or so), I find that I am picking up on emotions and thoughts that were not on the radar when I was drinking. One reason for this, for me, is that drinking really interferes with my mind. So the emotions I was having while drinking sometimes were a bit of an aberration.

I realize my experience isn't the same as yours, but I hope you give non-drinking emotions and feelings more time to emerge--you might find that you like them as much or even more than the ones you used to experience. On top of that, it just feels SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good to wake up in the morning after not drinking ; - )

nickishine

CONGRATULATIONS ON DAY 5, ERICA!!!

What is backwards for you many be forward for me and vice versa. We're all different in perspections and perceptions. Am I making sense?...

For me, I passed that point and don't know what's real, true and honest with myself and emotions when drinking. It's what it is at the time, and next drunk it may be the opposite. If reflection on what you write and feel at the time of drinking is helping you self discover and honestly you believe that to be true, good for you! I just hope through the absense of alcohol you'd be able to get to know you and your deepest feelings.... I know that's what I really want for me!

Sincerely & best to you, friend!
Nicki

ericamay

Thank you everyone for your input. Its is greatly appriciated! You are all very smart

CarolD

Hmm
The first few drinks...the buzz part...
I was elated...confident ..attractive.

Then I was loud...flirty...argumentive ..blacking out

The final drinks...I was a sodden weeping mass of depression.

I finally figured out they were all me...
The depression was crushing and lasted the longest
soooo
I decided to balance out with recovery.
....It was the wisest move I ever made.

Well done on your early sobriety ...Good for you!

Pam08

What carol Said was me, for the most part in my drinking cycle.
I drank yes to what I call numb, forget, block out hurt over that has built up over the years.
Now that I am sober, I am handling the emotions with a clear head. I know the first weeks of being sober, I cried alot, emotions were flooding back, but now they have all evened out. so that I am sure will be same for you...we have to get back to some sort of normality without alcohol and that takes time.
I am working the steps of AA so I can get rid of the guilt of what I did thru the years, and also get out the resentments I have bottled up...
Took time for me to get to the horrible place I got to, will take time to get out and be free of those bad feelings. It is a lifetime of growing, and I am ready for the trip
Keep posting and reading...we are all connected in so many ways.