Can I please ask for some countdown support?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
Can I please ask for some countdown support?
Hi guys, I know I am only new here (today), but I am starting to stuggle, and have no support, well I do, I have my wonderfull husband and my oldest daughter who is 19, but I can beat them with all sorts of excuses and good intentions, I never lie, but they fall for any reason I give then about being in controll or that it is better for me to have another drink.
I am cutting down on my intake because I don't want to detox in a center again because it is so far from my husband and children and if I go back they will keep me there for 3-4 months and we can't afford for my family to travel & visit me, my children are my life, and I quit rehab last time because I couldn't see them, and I ended up severely depressed.
Also they put me on drugs to stop seizures, which are some of the same I had a 12 year addiction to (I have been clean from them for 12 years now) and I like thm too much, they scare the bejebers out of me, so I need to do it this way.
I used to drink 3ltres of wine per day 14% and had to detox in a center because of seizures, now I am down to 10 cans per day of beers at 4%, I need to knock off 2 cans per day now, to get to a point where I can safely detox at home, but now I am struggling.
I am scared, and the more scared I get, the more I want a drink, it sux big time and I feel like I am close to losing it and going backward.
I guess I am asking for some tips/tricks/hints on keeping on reducing my intake so I can stop in a few days time.
Any help would be so appreciated, thankyou guys.
I am cutting down on my intake because I don't want to detox in a center again because it is so far from my husband and children and if I go back they will keep me there for 3-4 months and we can't afford for my family to travel & visit me, my children are my life, and I quit rehab last time because I couldn't see them, and I ended up severely depressed.
Also they put me on drugs to stop seizures, which are some of the same I had a 12 year addiction to (I have been clean from them for 12 years now) and I like thm too much, they scare the bejebers out of me, so I need to do it this way.
I used to drink 3ltres of wine per day 14% and had to detox in a center because of seizures, now I am down to 10 cans per day of beers at 4%, I need to knock off 2 cans per day now, to get to a point where I can safely detox at home, but now I am struggling.
I am scared, and the more scared I get, the more I want a drink, it sux big time and I feel like I am close to losing it and going backward.
I guess I am asking for some tips/tricks/hints on keeping on reducing my intake so I can stop in a few days time.
Any help would be so appreciated, thankyou guys.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Hi,
I hope you will talk to your dr about detoxing and get his advice.
For me, I could never cut back, it just wouldn't work for me. I think cutting back for an alcoholic is terribly difficult.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
I hope you will talk to your dr about detoxing and get his advice.
For me, I could never cut back, it just wouldn't work for me. I think cutting back for an alcoholic is terribly difficult.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
Hi Anna
thankyou for yor post, I have spoken to her on several occasions in the past, she will not give me the meds to take at home because of my past history with addiction to them even though Hubby would hold onto them, I have used them safely before and have been clean from my addiction to them for 12-14 years.
She says the only way she will help is to put me back into the system that has let myself and my family down twice in the past, they put me into jail first to sit in a gown with someone elses blood covering the inside, and then into a phsyc ward, and then into a center miles and miles from my children, where I couldn't see them for weeks & weeks
That was just one experience with them, they never follow up once you are out, they miss appointments, they say you live to far away for them it is a waste of time etc.... One drink and you're off the programe, talk about the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.
I will not go back into such a destructive system again, I have to find my own way this time, the system has made things so much worse for me, the stress, the lies, the let downs, the isolation from my family, there has to be a better way. I'm not looking for an easy way, but the system here is corrupt, they only care for their pay packets, not the clients or their families.
I will find a way, I have to.
She says the only way she will help is to put me back into the system that has let myself and my family down twice in the past, they put me into jail first to sit in a gown with someone elses blood covering the inside, and then into a phsyc ward, and then into a center miles and miles from my children, where I couldn't see them for weeks & weeks
That was just one experience with them, they never follow up once you are out, they miss appointments, they say you live to far away for them it is a waste of time etc.... One drink and you're off the programe, talk about the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.
I will not go back into such a destructive system again, I have to find my own way this time, the system has made things so much worse for me, the stress, the lies, the let downs, the isolation from my family, there has to be a better way. I'm not looking for an easy way, but the system here is corrupt, they only care for their pay packets, not the clients or their families.
I will find a way, I have to.
Last edited by findingkermit; 12-02-2008 at 07:19 PM. Reason: baaaaad spelling :)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
Thankyou Carol...
I am so glad I found this site, I have been sitting reading & reading & reading.
Hubby & our eldest (that's still at home) miss 19, are both really interested in this site too, and Hubby has been reading with me quite a bit as well and is impressed with the amount of information on here.
I have to do this, I've been in some really bad places with this alcoholism in the past, it's bad now, but it has been worse, and I need to take advantage of being in a relatively sane abielt screwed up place.
Hubby & our eldest (that's still at home) miss 19, are both really interested in this site too, and Hubby has been reading with me quite a bit as well and is impressed with the amount of information on here.
I have to do this, I've been in some really bad places with this alcoholism in the past, it's bad now, but it has been worse, and I need to take advantage of being in a relatively sane abielt screwed up place.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Keep posting and most importantly reading this site. There's so much great information and support. I've learned so much more about alcoholism and that information helps me. Alcoholism is a family disease and it's very important to have your family educated on it as well.
Don't give up! You are not alone!
Love,
Lenina
Don't give up! You are not alone!
Love,
Lenina
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
Hi Lenina
thankyou for that . I am very lucky that my husband and older daughter have been very involved in my addiction over the last 3 years as far as always being a part of any councelling, rehab, detox etc... and we often stay up to the wee small hours talking & throwing info and ideas back & forth as well as researching to futher our knowledge.
They are awesome, but they still need to know more as to how it is from their prospective, they are too focused on me and mine, I know they have their own recovery to make and I know how much it has effected them, but they need to know, they need to read stories from other family members of addicts.
It will help them, and it will help me too to know they are healing themselves from the ravages of living with an alcoholic, my guilt is unsurmountable some days, it tears me to bits.
I will keep comming on here, I will beat this come hell or high water. I beat a 12 year hard drug habbit...... I can beat this.
They are awesome, but they still need to know more as to how it is from their prospective, they are too focused on me and mine, I know they have their own recovery to make and I know how much it has effected them, but they need to know, they need to read stories from other family members of addicts.
It will help them, and it will help me too to know they are healing themselves from the ravages of living with an alcoholic, my guilt is unsurmountable some days, it tears me to bits.
I will keep comming on here, I will beat this come hell or high water. I beat a 12 year hard drug habbit...... I can beat this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
and welcome to SR. I am curious about the detox. Detox is to safely get the alcohol out of your system, not a recovery program...that should take up to 7 days...then you would either go to a rehabilitation program, or home and do a program there...if I am all wet, please someone correct me.Anyway, if I am correct, why couldn't you go to a detox center, get safely off the alcohol. Then go home and get into a program....and if that is possible, I will tell you my choice..as I have been around, detox centers, rehab, AA..therapist..
I think in your case a detox center for up to a week would be great, you could safely get the alcohol out of your system...that is all detox is for. Oh and maybe get you on medication for depression if you have it...
Now a therapist is great if you have problems to deal with, but that is really what they are for.
A rehab center, which usually is for 28 days is great for education and guarenteed to keep you clean for the time there. I did outpatient and learned alot, but it was not going to keep me clean. I drank during it..and after.
What has worked and is working is AA. If you take a poll here you will find alot who say it is the only thing you worked..and some who do not like it because of the use of a higher power..I have never been a religious person, but I do believe in a higher power, whom I have always called God. And to be perfectly honest in the past I have prayed to him asking for material things, and when I did something wrong, I have prayed that if he would fix it I would promise never to do that again..dadada...all selfish things.
I believe it is going to take something more powerful then I to restore me to sanity, to keep me sober. I started praying every day, and to be honest I still have to make a conscience effort to remember, hopefully it will become automatic in time..But I pray every day for a day of sobriety, I pray for guidance, I pray for others who are suffering, and I say the serenity prayer, as I am still trying to figure out what I am and am not in control of...
I try to remember to thank him every night for the day of sobriety, as I am greatful to be going to sleep when I get tired, not after a drunken night and passing out. I go to AA every day, and sometimes twice in a day if i can. I have a sponsor now, I listened to the women and picked my sponsor over time. I am very happy with her as she has a long time sobriety and I look up to her, where she has come from and the person she is. I am working the steps with her now..
The obsession to drink has been lifted from me for now. I am not saying it will not return, but for now it is gone, and I am so greatful for that.
I know this is my story of my short recovery time, but I am so positive about it that I wanted to share this with you. I wish you luck in whatever you do to stay sober, but get a plan in motion. This forum is great and helps me so much when I am home and need support ...so many great friends here who understand and who are so caring.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. When you need us, we are here..:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((((kermy))))))
I'm so glad you're here and have support at home! For me, knowledge has been a powerful tool in my recovery. I see alcoholism as a beast that lives in my brain. It whispers lies and nonsense to keep its upper hand in my life.
I recommend reading "Under the Influence" as it's a great resource. There's also lots of books in the library that can help us understand the nature of addiction. It also helps to know we are not alone and that recovery is possible.
Keep coming back!
Love,
Lenina
I'm so glad you're here and have support at home! For me, knowledge has been a powerful tool in my recovery. I see alcoholism as a beast that lives in my brain. It whispers lies and nonsense to keep its upper hand in my life.
I recommend reading "Under the Influence" as it's a great resource. There's also lots of books in the library that can help us understand the nature of addiction. It also helps to know we are not alone and that recovery is possible.
Keep coming back!
Love,
Lenina
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
wow
you guys really are wonderfull, thankyou all for taking the time to support me and for the really great posts!!!!
Pam, I have done all of them, I have detoxed (5-7 days) in the phsyc untit in the next town the forst time, and the second time in a proper detox center in another city.
I have also been released back to a halfway type house in our next town twice (for about 4 weeks), but there aren't the services available there like in a rehab center, it is more like a wind down place where you are free to come and go and have to basicly rely on yourself to stay sober and get your head around all that it entails before you go home.
The other rehab I was forwarded to, was half the country away, there is nothing close, and my family couldn't afford the travel to see me, I couldn't cope, it broke me emotionally, my babies are my world.
We have no support systems here where I live, the nearest is in the next town, it's a stuggle to come up with the miney to go to that councelling, which is also the A&D unit that has really let myself & my family down twice. I have laid complaints, and they admitted their wrongs, but I will not go back, they appologised the first time, and still let us down again on an even bigger scale the next time.
Jules, I will do anything that dosen't involve me having to be completely cut off from my family, we will shift, hubby has said he can make the money somehow, honestly I am at my wits end with this, we are beneficiaries (due to my alcoholism, breaking my back, asthma & recent heart surgery) and only have a little from the bit of extra work that hubby can do.
But I am willing, I am dying here, I need to beat this anyway I can (with the exception of leaving my family for months) that I can't do. When I was this desperate last time I thought I can do it, I can do anything I have to, I will cope, I will do it for them & for me, but I couldn't. I couldn't cope with being away from them.
Lenina, I have been reading the bits from the book on here and it looks great, and I have googled it and found it available at a couple of our big book stores here, so we are going to buy it when we go to town next week!! Thankyou.
Pam, I have done all of them, I have detoxed (5-7 days) in the phsyc untit in the next town the forst time, and the second time in a proper detox center in another city.
I have also been released back to a halfway type house in our next town twice (for about 4 weeks), but there aren't the services available there like in a rehab center, it is more like a wind down place where you are free to come and go and have to basicly rely on yourself to stay sober and get your head around all that it entails before you go home.
The other rehab I was forwarded to, was half the country away, there is nothing close, and my family couldn't afford the travel to see me, I couldn't cope, it broke me emotionally, my babies are my world.
We have no support systems here where I live, the nearest is in the next town, it's a stuggle to come up with the miney to go to that councelling, which is also the A&D unit that has really let myself & my family down twice. I have laid complaints, and they admitted their wrongs, but I will not go back, they appologised the first time, and still let us down again on an even bigger scale the next time.
Jules, I will do anything that dosen't involve me having to be completely cut off from my family, we will shift, hubby has said he can make the money somehow, honestly I am at my wits end with this, we are beneficiaries (due to my alcoholism, breaking my back, asthma & recent heart surgery) and only have a little from the bit of extra work that hubby can do.
But I am willing, I am dying here, I need to beat this anyway I can (with the exception of leaving my family for months) that I can't do. When I was this desperate last time I thought I can do it, I can do anything I have to, I will cope, I will do it for them & for me, but I couldn't. I couldn't cope with being away from them.
Lenina, I have been reading the bits from the book on here and it looks great, and I have googled it and found it available at a couple of our big book stores here, so we are going to buy it when we go to town next week!! Thankyou.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
You are and have been trying all angles, that is forsure. I am sorry some have not worked out very well. You do not have AA where you are? There are no fees to go, only donations if you can and want to give. I didn't find rehab the fix for sobriety, only education. Keep posting, this place for now can give you alot of support and friendship..
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hi, Friend!
Welcome to SR and this site!!
So glad you posted and shared what's going on with you! You are NOT alone!! I have 11 days sober at this point (so no expert by any means) but have been dealing with this disease many years, in and out of rehabs, out-patient, AA mtg., yada yada. I feel for your situation with the "system" and how it's working there (or not working there) -- sounds awful! As you said, "you can do this"!!!... You have support from your family (thank God) and you've gotten clean from pills years ago. My concern is detoxing from alcohol for you. Yes, you can drink less and less and kick it (not strongly recommended) but that's how I had to do it. When it got to the last day of 1 40oz beer, that physical allergy of craving for :prayingmore of the alcohol was overwhelming and I almost gave in and got more. I didn't, however and haven't drank since. I was done and it kicked my bootie harder than ever before this time around.
I wish you the best and please know you are not alone in this venture!! All of us, in one way or form are or have been where you're at right now. Keep posting and see if there is possibly any AA mtgs nearby. All my best to you!
Hugsxoxox,
Nicki
Welcome to SR and this site!!
So glad you posted and shared what's going on with you! You are NOT alone!! I have 11 days sober at this point (so no expert by any means) but have been dealing with this disease many years, in and out of rehabs, out-patient, AA mtg., yada yada. I feel for your situation with the "system" and how it's working there (or not working there) -- sounds awful! As you said, "you can do this"!!!... You have support from your family (thank God) and you've gotten clean from pills years ago. My concern is detoxing from alcohol for you. Yes, you can drink less and less and kick it (not strongly recommended) but that's how I had to do it. When it got to the last day of 1 40oz beer, that physical allergy of craving for :prayingmore of the alcohol was overwhelming and I almost gave in and got more. I didn't, however and haven't drank since. I was done and it kicked my bootie harder than ever before this time around.
I wish you the best and please know you are not alone in this venture!! All of us, in one way or form are or have been where you're at right now. Keep posting and see if there is possibly any AA mtgs nearby. All my best to you!
Hugsxoxox,
Nicki
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
I'm in tears agin...
I made Hubby follow me to the loo (TMI I know lol), but that is our quiet place to talk when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I have cried so much this afternoon & evening since I've been on here, The advice, the support, my head spinning (again, there is so much info in there) is taking me to a place I don't want to be, but I almost know I must.
Pam, thankyou for understanding, I have tried, I try every day, I am not a stupid person, I know adiction, why it happens, when it happens, the options etc..... and have used it to the best of my ability (even used it to beat the drug addiction & stay clean from it for 12 odd years). The same way that I know heart conditions inside & out because my son died of one, and then my now miss 10 was born with several heart conditions, way worse than her brother, I made it my business to know everything, by knowing I helped keep her alive for 9 long years of heart surgeries, meds & heart failure (she is great now). Likewise I have made sure I know as much as I can possibly know about addiction.
Isn't it frustrating when you can fix almost everyone else but not yourself lol.
There is an AA here, but a very small town, with noseys on the corner talking behind their hands and gossiping, watching who comes and goes, they are horrid, I got as far as the corner on the first visit and saw & heard them and turned around and went home. I am hoping I might be able to get a phone sponsor? Our family has too much to lose if I come 'out' as an alcoholic right now, the children at school would be teased and Hubbies work would dry up, they are a sad lot around here.
nickishine, thankyou so much for sharing your story, and well done to you (and everyone else who has posted for me) Your are right with your concern, mine is the same, detox is dangerous when you drink as much and for as long as I have, I'm between a rock & a hard place that's for sure, and I really appreciate being able to come here and get some great advice, ideas and add them to my thinking.
You guys rock!!!!!!!
I have cried so much this afternoon & evening since I've been on here, The advice, the support, my head spinning (again, there is so much info in there) is taking me to a place I don't want to be, but I almost know I must.
Pam, thankyou for understanding, I have tried, I try every day, I am not a stupid person, I know adiction, why it happens, when it happens, the options etc..... and have used it to the best of my ability (even used it to beat the drug addiction & stay clean from it for 12 odd years). The same way that I know heart conditions inside & out because my son died of one, and then my now miss 10 was born with several heart conditions, way worse than her brother, I made it my business to know everything, by knowing I helped keep her alive for 9 long years of heart surgeries, meds & heart failure (she is great now). Likewise I have made sure I know as much as I can possibly know about addiction.
Isn't it frustrating when you can fix almost everyone else but not yourself lol.
There is an AA here, but a very small town, with noseys on the corner talking behind their hands and gossiping, watching who comes and goes, they are horrid, I got as far as the corner on the first visit and saw & heard them and turned around and went home. I am hoping I might be able to get a phone sponsor? Our family has too much to lose if I come 'out' as an alcoholic right now, the children at school would be teased and Hubbies work would dry up, they are a sad lot around here.
nickishine, thankyou so much for sharing your story, and well done to you (and everyone else who has posted for me) Your are right with your concern, mine is the same, detox is dangerous when you drink as much and for as long as I have, I'm between a rock & a hard place that's for sure, and I really appreciate being able to come here and get some great advice, ideas and add them to my thinking.
You guys rock!!!!!!!
Last edited by findingkermit; 12-02-2008 at 10:21 PM. Reason: oppps typos
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Keep posting, reading, spilling your guts and thoughts with us! We will for you too! Wish I could wave my broken magic wand and have you in Lake Tahoe with me going to a meeting and out of that environment. But hey, this is the next best thing! We're linked through this great modern technology with the internet. People are on this site 24/7 so there's always someone to chat with!
Take care & talk to you soon, friend!
xoxox
Nicki
Take care & talk to you soon, friend!
xoxox
Nicki
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand.
Posts: 122
lol thankyou nicki
I wish I was there too !!!! , but hey, I have to find a way here, I just keep telling myself 'I will'. Geeze I wish I even had a broken wand lol.
I do feel good/sad/hopeless/inspired...... spiling my guts here, all of you have been very helpfull and very supportive.
And putting 'friend' on the end of your post was very special to me, I don't have friends here, I'm a hermit and I'm too scared to make friends, I let them down too often by needing solitude and suffering panic attacks, so it was special, thankyou.
I do feel good/sad/hopeless/inspired...... spiling my guts here, all of you have been very helpfull and very supportive.
And putting 'friend' on the end of your post was very special to me, I don't have friends here, I'm a hermit and I'm too scared to make friends, I let them down too often by needing solitude and suffering panic attacks, so it was special, thankyou.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Baby steps...I know for me in the beginning it all looked too overwhelming.But I had to do SOMETHING.....
You don't necessarily have to change your entire life in one big swoop....just deal with what's in front of you right now.
Make your sobriety a priority and deal with what happens after that one step at a time.
Sometimes we DO need to take drastic measures-but don't push yourself either. You'll know what to do.As they say in A.A-do the next right thing....the rest will follow.Sometimes it's all we can do-and it is the best thing we can do.Go gently.
Keep posting,
Love,
Julesxox
You don't necessarily have to change your entire life in one big swoop....just deal with what's in front of you right now.
Make your sobriety a priority and deal with what happens after that one step at a time.
Sometimes we DO need to take drastic measures-but don't push yourself either. You'll know what to do.As they say in A.A-do the next right thing....the rest will follow.Sometimes it's all we can do-and it is the best thing we can do.Go gently.
Keep posting,
Love,
Julesxox
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
kermit - I havn't much advise than what was mentioned above.
My recovery plan includes coming here to SR. The people here as you have already found out are incredibly supportive and caring. So many people to indentify with. In fact my signiture below is refering to my friend on this site.
Remember to not think to far ahead, as it will overwhelm you. Stay in today and for today stay sober.
Suzette
My recovery plan includes coming here to SR. The people here as you have already found out are incredibly supportive and caring. So many people to indentify with. In fact my signiture below is refering to my friend on this site.
Remember to not think to far ahead, as it will overwhelm you. Stay in today and for today stay sober.
Suzette
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Just wanted to say hi and tell you what I did once.
I felt just like you wanting to quit. Cutting down is hard. So, one day I woke up and said I cannot do this any more. I went to the ER and told them it was either drink or come here. And to my supprise the doctor was so understanding and admitted me. I was there for two days and they give me a medication to help.
I did not not have a bad withdrawl but worried because of what can happen. I did have an issue with anxiety and had to take care of that also.
Just trying to help
I felt just like you wanting to quit. Cutting down is hard. So, one day I woke up and said I cannot do this any more. I went to the ER and told them it was either drink or come here. And to my supprise the doctor was so understanding and admitted me. I was there for two days and they give me a medication to help.
I did not not have a bad withdrawl but worried because of what can happen. I did have an issue with anxiety and had to take care of that also.
Just trying to help
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