inoishudbdead

Ive posted in the newcomers forum a few times before, but not in this section.. i guess.

Anyways I'm 20 years old and I want to quit drinking for good. Ive had a problem with drinking and smoking pot for about 4 years now and Ive had enough. I have been trying to quit for the past four months, but keep relapsing by smoking up, drinking or both at the same time.

I just feel so discouraged, just recently a friend of mine that I've know since i was 5 committed suicide because he was a heavy drinker and drug users and he tried to stop without seeking medical attention and got drunk and hung himself. Ive gotten drunk every day for a week straight because of that and smoked up again after not doing it for around 2 months.

I want to quit but i don't know how to deal with my restlessness, depression, anxiety and fear of not being able to quit and also the weird thoughts and confusion of my body trying to get use to being sober. I called a local AA group today and am considering going.


Id just like to ask you all a few questions:

1) When you stopped did it feel like you were going crazy/may have a mental problem because what really got me to notice that i have a problem is that this summer i experienced a psychotic episode after smoking up and getting heavily intoxicated. I was smoking up pretty much all day everyday and after that happened i stopped both completely and i was pretty messed up. Those thoughts gradually faded as the days went by but it went from complete paranoia to slight paranoia until i was just able to disregard it altogether and it went away. But i recently relapsed and smoked up and got really drunk and the same thing happened again, but this time i knew to ignore it and just left my friends in my living room and went to bed. Anyone else experience something similar?

2) How long until your brain functions begin returning to normal?

ANGELINA243

I think going to a meeting is a good idea. It certainly couldn't hurt. I go to both AA/NA as part of my recovery support system.

As far as what you are experiencing with the drugs/alcohol....things will get better the longer you are off those substances. Depending on how much/how long you used for it can take weeks--to a few months--to even up to a year or so (from what I have heard from others share.)

I have over 9 months and sometimes still experience the after effects of my using days. But those feelings don't last long--and they no longer scare me like they once did.

Again, things will get better slowly over time. We didn't get messed up overnight...and it will take some time to get better.

spiritualgiant

How you doin bud, my name is allen moser and i live in ladera ranch california. anyhow i have read your post and i think i can interject an educated guess as to what is going on with your brain, i am currently attending school for all of the problems associated with drug and alcohol abuse. recently i took a class that expanded upon what seems to be going on with you, the class was physiology and pharmacology, it has to do with the brains reaction to the intoxification of various chemical substances including but not limited to of course smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol. in my opinion, and this is strictly my opinion, marijuana is classified as a mild hallucinogen, alcohol is a depressant. marijuana affects two seperate receptors, the seratonin and the dopamine receptors, in my opinion it is the marijuana that is effecting you in the way you have described, and since you are only 20 years old, i am 23 just so you know and thats why this interests me, our brains are not yet fully developed and they will not be until around the age of 25. It seems that most people are effected more in the way you have described when they're brains are getting closer to being fully developed, hence the amplified paranoia amongst other things. that being said, the best suggestion i can give to you is that you should seek a mental health diagnosis. dont be afraid to do so despite what people may think of you, myself and countless others i have come to find are indefinately benefited by doing so since about 90% of people who use alcohol and drugs are self-medicating to suffice for some type of underlying mental illness,whether it be something as insignificant as bi-polar disorder or as bad as schizophrenia. all ******** aside i believe that this will help you out for sure and all that being said, in your attempts to permanently recover from your alcohol and drug problem aa is a huge key that works for millions and millions of people around the world. one very important tool that will assist you in doing so is your willingness to change and the elimanation of old friends, which is one of the hardest things i ever had to do in my successful attempt at permanent sobriety, good luck to you my friend, get back at meand let me know what you decide to do and whatever it is if it worked or not, god bless ya bud!

inoishudbdead

Thanks for the posts. Umm, yeah what you said actually does make a lot of sense because the 1st time i had a psychotic episode i didn't know that i was being paranoid and was just in a general state of confusion, which was brought on by drugs and alcohol and went away gradually as i abstained from both substances. The second time was also brought on by drugs and alcohol as well, but because i had it happen before i instantly knew what was happening, so if it was a mental health issue i doubt that i would have realized that. And the reason why my doctor wasn't concerned is because he said even though i wasn't thinking normally i was still making rational decisions even though i was paranoid. Basically i was making decisions that a psychotic person wouldn't have made.

The 1st time it happened i actually did go to a doctor, he ran no tests but was convinced that it was just what i mention but couldn't really explain why, which bothered me because i frequently used both before and at the same time with no adverse effects. I have been looking on the internet for awhile now for an answer and there's so many opinions on this that its almost impossible. But like you mention because of the age i am at it makes sense, and it is also at this time that i can no longer control my drinking. I also know that the way drinking affects a person completely has to do with very similar (or the same in some cases) parts of the brain and chemicals that are affected when you smoke pot. Basically the chemicals and parts of the brain that affect depression, anxiety, stress etc.

I guess my body won't tolerate me using alcohol and marijuana anymore. Ive had a lot of fun with them both in the past, but now it's time to move on. Starting today i am quitting once again and for good this time. I am considering going to AA, but i really don't want to because i will feel out of place because of my age, my short use of both substances, and the few problems that it has cause me compared to many others... so i don't no yet.

But, seriously thanks for the post and the knowledge it has helped me make sense of whats going on for more than one issue.

Ananda

With the problems you are having it is probably a really good idea to talk to a dr. before you detox....it can be dangerous on your own.

tommyk

I think you will meet a lot of people just like yourself at NA meetings.

You're not alone.

four812

try and get up the guts and go to a meeting.....just go

try 3 meetings no matter what.


to answer your question about the mental difficulties.....for me, I went to my first meeting because of depression first and foremost, at the suggestion of a therapist.

after stopping drink/drugs we are going to feel uncomfortable or nuts. we drank because we couldn't handle life. couldn't handle our feelings. We did not want to feel the "bad feelings". we didn't want to feel the uncomfortablness.

so in going to meetings we can receive help dealing with these problems.

good luck

nickishine

"I know I should be dead to", -- Love that!

Boy you took me back to my "smokin' up days" (with meth) and the paranoia that went with it! CRRAAAZZZYY!!! Once I hit that threshold with smoking and crossed over to freaking out, I couldn't capture that same high anymore like it was early on. It's been a few years now but am new to sobriety with quitting alcohol.

We get crazy eradic thoughts that seem adnormal. But It's normal for us. We've been "medicating" ourselves for a long long time and our bodies and minds just don't know how to cooperate to where we are just suddenly well and wonderful. We gotta journey down this path together and get support! You're reaching out -- keep reaching and posting. Great job and it's only a minute at a time!

Hugs,
Nicki

inoishudbdead

yeah like i just had enough of it all... i started doing it for fun, and then because of stress, then eventually because i had to. It hasn't been fun for a long time and i'm tried of being paranoid, tired and hungover all the time.

"Boy you took me back to my "smokin' up days" (with meth) and the paranoia that went with it! CRRAAAZZZYY!!! Once I hit that threshold with smoking and crossed over to freaking out, I couldn't capture that same high anymore like it was early on. It's been a few years now but am new to sobriety with quitting alcohol."

Yea that's exactly what its like i can't smoke a joint now without freaking out, little alone drink while doing it, it just multiplies the paranoia. And it is like right away like you said. I just end up having to leave without saying anything, cause my mind is trying to go in 100 directions at once. I think a lot of the reason why that is, is because i've experimented with many other drugs and it just ****** me up. My paranoia is gone now because i haven't been smoking up, but when i first stopped i was full out paranoid for about 3 days and didn't have a clue what was going on, then it gradually decreased over time once i knew it was me just being ridiculous. It took me probably about 3 weeks before i wasn't paranoid anymore. After you do shrooms and e, smoking a joint is never the same again, or wasn't for me anyways plus i began smoking a lot of weed all day all last summer before this happened and regularly for 4 or 5 years before that and when i suddenly stopped i was messed.

Haha, my problem is that every time i stop drinking i do for a little while (longest was 2 months) then i start making up excuses why it didn't work out last time i drank and this time it's gonna be different and sometimes it is, but eventually i end up drinking too much one night and bad things happen. Either that or i just begin drinking days and days in a row. Sometimes it just brings out the worst in me. It's annoying cause i feel like i should be able to fix it since i could drink responsibly when i first started out.

nickishine

When I first started it was great -- all of it! Why can't I go back there again???? Hell, I've asked myself that umpteen times and have tried umpteen times and still don't know the answer except I stepped over that invisible line every time now. I've got a pretty good track record that tells me it just won't work no matter how I dress it up, how pretty it looks, how sexy it'll make me feel -- yada, yada, yada!

I'm convinced through trial and error and almost death, it's just not gonna work for me, period! Pot made me incredibly paranoid and stupid. I gave that up years ago, but have had a couple of tokes here and there that didn't take me over the edge, but still could leave it alone thank God!


Keep posting, Friend! We're all in this together!

Hugs,
Nicki:praying

barb dwyer

hi Ino -

It's so encouraging to see a young person realizing he's out of control so early in life.
Not that I'm all that old but ... nevermind.
Hell - I'm old.

There's so many better things in this world to center your life around.
Good for you.
I also like to read you're being open to whatever helps.

So often, people come on this site raving about wanting to quit - yet they want their lives to remain the same. When the truth is - if one's life was going WELL - they wouldn't be needing to quit. Which is only one of a million ways we lie to ourselves about our addictions and alcoholism.
Good for you to be past that point already.

Good for you in making this choice now!!!!!

You know, when we are in the 'I need to do something' stage -
we tend to think about 'what ewe're gonna miss' and that keeps us in the using mode.
Gonna miss parties.
Gonna miss being seen at parties.

That kind of thing.
When in truth - we should sit down and make a list
of what we're gonna miss if we DON"T quit while we're ahead.

We're gonna miss a family.
We're gonna miss a meaningful relationship.
We're gonna miss being trustworthy.
We're gonna miss being able to keep a job.
We're gonna miss ALL THAT MONEY.
We're gonna miss health.
We're gonna miss... freedom.
(because we almost always wind up incarcerated, as well as enslaved to alcohol.)

I'm so excited for you , no kidding!!!

I hope you'll keep posting and let us know what you're doing!

inoishudbdead

cant sleep. im having really violent nightmares. i dreamed that my mother got really drunk and started cutting herself and when i tried to stop she started cutting me by accident. My dad drove us to the hospital, he ended up getting a large gash on his leg. We got to the hospital and i told the doctors that i only had a few knicks so my parents got treated 1st, even though i had the most serious injury... a large piece of glass stuck in my forarm and my forearm was split all the way down along with manhy other wounds.

and the whole time i was waiting for my parents to come back i had to sit in the waiting room by myself with the doctor's horrible dog and we ended up going back home, but i never got medical attention. it wasnt until my dad realized much later that my arm had a huge cut it in and that i was in a lot of pain and took me back to the hospital. but while we were leaving i remember my mom saying something like why are you making such a fuss about this, we all have problems your just causing trouble and she was really angry.

At the hospital the doctor treated me without anesthetic. It was very painful... my father was no longer there anymore. he reached into my arm and fumbled around with his fingers and pulled out the huge piece of glass it had to be like 6 inches long by 2 inches wide. Then he said i had bone damage and i had by far the worst injury out of my family. Then he shoved a huge syringe in my arm and filled it up with what appear to be caulking or something and just left the room, but said he would be back.

Then i was alone with his dog again, which was the worst part. My dream got really bad here, i was able to handle it the whole time before kinda like... meh. But now it was horrible. They both left me alone in the room with it. it kept biting me and trying to tear my arm opened more, which really hurt. I had to fight it but with one arm i kept trying to hold its mouth shut with my injured hand and punch it on the top of the head to knock it out, but it didn't work. it would always get loose and start biting me and tearing my arm opened. the finally i kicked it in the head after a pretty vicious fight and knocked it out under a chair. i remember not feeling at all bad that i did it but i was worried that i would get caught by my doctor so i moved things around to make it look like someone else did it.

Now the doctor and my dad, or my mom i forget which they might have switched was back. The doctor said he was going to have to sow my arm up really good. he didn't tell me but i just knew that there would be no anesthetic and he would be using a big ******* needle and pretty much fishing line lol! But he seem pretty nonchalant about it all and then told me to write in his book what i experienced when i quit smoking marijuana, which i agreed. He was waiting for me to tell him word for word so he could write it down. i told him it was too long of a story, that i would do it myself. So he left and my mom or dad was no longer there again.

Now im trying to write in his book and i can't read his writing, or hold the book opened with my injured arm while i write cause its too clumsy and painful so i give up, but now the dog is awake again and starts to attack me, but even more viciously than before. i manage to knock it out and throw it outside. Now im standing by the door cause im scared its going to wake back up and get in and eventually it does wake up. Im now trying to hold the door shut screaming for help because its very clear that i wont be able to hold it forever. Im really scared now because i know when it gets back in that its going to hurt me really badly and i wont be able to stop it.

Now my younger brother shows up and i screaming for him to help me, but he doesn't. he just watches and I dont know why and it bothers me because if it was him i would have helped him in a second, im thinking maybe hes too scared... but its all in a split second and the dog starts to get in and i know its going to kill me... then the door is giving away and then i wake up.

:wtf2

Kinda wierd... you might find it fun to read lol, i couldnt sleep so i wrote it all down, it was pretty intense, probably one of the most intense dreams i ever had. I cant believe that i didnt wake up until that point. Its funny tho as i was writing it it kinda reminded me of my life. like when ever i had an issue to fight no one was there, and especially when i was in pain. also id always just hide it and keep on going cause i figured everyone else had their own problems, or didnt care.

i didnt realize until now that the dog was the same dog that my friend who committed suicide had (which wasnt mean) and the door i was trying to keep closed was actually the front door to my parents house.

inoishudbdead

"That kind of thing.
When in truth - we should sit down and make a list
of what we're gonna miss if we DON"T quit while we're ahead.

We're gonna miss a family.
We're gonna miss a meaningful relationship.
We're gonna miss being trustworthy.
We're gonna miss being able to keep a job.
We're gonna miss ALL THAT MONEY.
We're gonna miss health.
We're gonna miss... freedom.
(because we almost always wind up incarcerated, as well as enslaved to alcohol.)"

Thats such a great way of putting it thanks.

inoishudbdead

i ******* give up. i always try and try and try... not jus quitting but for everything. and no1 appreciates it. no1 ever does. i can only try and give so much, but its either never realized.... or no1 cares. usually no1 cares. its no wonder i drink and used to do drugs, no ******* wonder. somehow everything always seems to blow up in my face.

Horselover

Inoishudbdead - Breathe hon. What's going on? We care and as far as doing everything for everyone else - stop! Do recovery for you. Do it because of what happened to your friend and what will most definitely happen to you if you don't. Recovery is for the addict/alcoholic. The family/friends get some benefits too, but ultimately it is for the one who has the problem. Keep talking. Do you have a recovery plan? Do you attend meetings? What have you done in your recovery that is different from when you smoked or drank? We have to be the change first off.

Anna

Yes, as Horselover said, this is about you and what you want for yourself.

You can do this!

Missybuns

detoxing from pot causes bad dreams.

It takes a while to rid your body of THC. A pharmacologist assured me the bad dreams are a side effect from my body ridding itself of THC.

This will pass.

inoishudbdead

i just wish there was at least one person that didnt judge me and appreciated me for the way i am. like ive always tried to be a nice person and i really think i am...

i dont wanna whine cause we all got our stories but it really ******* hurts and im sick of it. y cant any1 treat me with the care and respect that i wud give to them??

inoishudbdead

ive basically stopped smoking pot. in the last 3 n a 1/2 months ive smoked 2 joints... mabye 3 max.. n nothing in the last 2 weeks. shes all gone, but its jus all of the reason y i used to smoke n drink that bugs me. cause shait never changed and i really try to make it change, but its just no1 gives a ****. its just all of those things are out of my control. like im drinking right now its all that stops me from completely breaking down.

i feel like a loser saying that but its soooo true.

Horselover

Is the drinking you are now doing causing you not to break down or is it intensifying the negative emotions that are plaguing your entire thought process? A lot of people say drinking numbs them and to a certain level it does, but you go past that and we alcoholics all do it and we hit severe depression. Alcohol is a depressant. Please find another way of handling your life. Get into counseling or find a group and get some numbers of people that you can call. You need people that understand the addiction.