ShellySprinkle

I went for my second follow up appt with my sub dr, and told him about all the nasty headaches and nausea i'd been getting from the suboxone, so he offered to switch me from suboxone to subutex until my next appt. i just took my first dose a little while ago. its tastes even worse than the suboxone!

the last few days of my sobriety have been hard. work has been really tough, and i've been fighting with my boyfriend pretty badly. he found out my ex fiance wished me a happy birthday, and he threatened that if he ever found out i talked to him again, that he'd find him, beat him til he was unrecognizable, and then beat me. i scouted for pills all day long. but, luckily for me, i couldn't find a single one.

all i want to do is use when we fight. it gnaws at the back of my head until i want to crawl out of my skin. i'm trying to find a local NA group, but there isn't a whole lot around here since katrina. he doesn't care if i fall off the wagon. he doesn't even show he's proud of me being clean.

but, at least i have you guys. it's a little sad that people online that i've never met are more supportive than someone i've been with for two years.

beachbum617

Hang in there!! It may just be that if you change that he's afraid that you will move on? I know that it can be scary when a partner makes a life-altering change. Hang in there. Put yourself first. You can do this!! LOVE yourself!

beachbum617

PS: Your avatar is very funny!!!

Mariposa18

Hang in there and Stay Strong, it will get better. Come here whenever you need, it helps tremendously!

Horselover

Please, please, please rethink this relationship! Two years too long. You must love him, but please love yourself. Get into a program and find some positive face to face support. A woman's support group would be best. You need some face to face support. If there's not a NA group I would think you could find an AA group. Its an addiction after all. Anything is better then nothing and I want you to please find somewhere you can feel safe.

This post really needs some attention people!

peggysue58

Hang in there! It is wonderful to see someone from Biloxi too. It is so hard not to use when life has gotten so complicated and just plain hard. Everyone here has been so supportive here and I know reading & posting will help in your recovery--it is getting me through a very bad day.

Good luck!

Peggy

ShellySprinkle

hah, it cracks me up whenever i see it! the little things in life are the best!

ShellySprinkle

for some strange reason, i had to take 2x the amount of the subutex *8mgs* than the suboxone *4mgs* just to make my withdrawals go away today. talked to the nurse at my docs office, and she said she would see if he would call in my suboxone for me today. i told her how i could barely take it because it made me gag worse than the suboxone. then, on top of that, i needed twice the dose to feel the same as on the suboxone. i only take enough to make the withdrawals stop, and then i don't take anymore until they start again. my doc has always told me the less i take, the better. i just don't understand if it is the same exact medicine minus the narcan, why its taking a higher dosage!

two hours later, my withdrawls have finally gone away.

i'm really bad about taking foul tasting medicine. i even have a hard time taking antibiotics because of the smell and taste. i had pneumonia once, and ended up in the hospital because i refused to take the antibiotics they prescribed because the pill tasted so horrible! so when i took my second 4mg dose of subutex this morning, the thought on my mind while i was gagging over my sink was "i would rather be back on lortabs than take this nasty stuff". that's an awful thought, i know, because my sobriety is so important to me. i really hope he doesn't keep me on this for two weeks before i have my suboxone back.

thanks for listening to me!