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I have the Courage !!!

Old 11-30-2008, 04:44 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Palm Beach, fl
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I have the Courage !!!

Hi All,

Let me first say this site is wonderful and though provoking. I have never felt so connected to so many people over one subject. It really is nice to know that you are not alone in what feels to be complete darkness and solitude.

I first started experimenting with Lortabs(Loris) about 5 years ago. I would take my friend to Kinkos to make fake Rx and then fill them. He would throw me a couple here and there and I would take them to chill or save them for stressful days at work( waiting tables at the time). They help to take the edge off and I would consuume no more than 10-12 a month at random times.

Once I moved from Miami back home to West Palm Beach I did not take them simply because there was no need or access. Life went on without a hitch. Then a close relative started giving them to me because he always had an abundance. Well a 10-12 a month intake gradually grew to 6-8 a day HABIT!!

I rapidly became an addiction. I knew I was in trouble when my supply would run out from the relative I would resort to a friend who sold them to me. Over what quickly became the next year I barely went more than a few hours without taking them. I knew I had to stop because I was now spending my bill and rent money to support my habit.

Rock bottom came when I found myself EVICTED from my apartment because I had fallen behind on my rent and could not catch up. Getting my Pills took precendece over having a place to live. I moved back home with the story that I had broken my lease to save money to buy a Condo. My immediately family knew I was evicted, but did not know the true reasons why.

I have been living at home for 9 months now and quite the pills for 2 months in April, but somehow found a reason to use again. On Friday, November 28, 2008. I made the decision that I must stop with the pills. My use was out of control and the money I was spending to keep my supply coming was taking a serious toll on my finances.

I took my last pill (LORI, Hydrocodone) yesterday at 5:35 pm. I made the decision that would be it. Today I am at work. The withdrawls have not been that bad so far aside from the extremely uncomfortable muscle aches. I took Motrin today(fearfully), but it really help alleviate the pain.

I think my biggest fear in quitting is losing that false since of control and emotional comfort that made almost anything bearable. What I failed to realize is all the pain was still there is was just numbed. Now that the Haze of the past 2 years is starting to lift I feel like I can truely began to be connected to everyone and everything again. Sure everyday wont be easy, but atleast I would feel My Life again!!

All the feedback and support through this journey would be greatly appreciated

Thanks
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Old 11-30-2008, 05:26 PM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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Welcome...There is alot of support here.
I am from WPB too. I moved to NY 5 yrs ago.
Glad your here.
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Old 11-30-2008, 05:33 PM
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It sounds like you've made a great decision. Have you talked to your dr before stopping the pills?

You are right about pills or alcohol giving you a false sense of security. When I first started drinking, I felt like I could control anything. I felt like nothing was such a big a problem. But, before I knew it, I was a slave to the alcohol and all the issues were still there.
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Old 11-30-2008, 05:57 PM
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It's time to change!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hi Courage!

I hope you are feeling proud of yourself! What a huge step... Keep connecting with other recovering addicts/alcoholics as there are times when we need to be reminded of where we came from.

All my best to you! Please keep posting!

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Old 12-12-2008, 12:18 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
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Hi All,

Let me first say this site is wonderful and though provoking. I have never felt so connected to so many people over one subject. It really is nice to know that you are not alone in what feels to be complete darkness and solitude.

I first started experimenting with Lortabs(Loris) about 5 years ago. I would take my friend to Kinkos to make fake Rx and then fill them. He would throw me a couple here and there and I would take them to chill or save them for stressful days at work( waiting tables at the time). They help to take the edge off and I would consuume no more than 10-12 a month at random times.

Once I moved from Miami back home to West Palm Beach I did not take them simply because there was no need or access. Life went on without a hitch. Then a close relative started giving them to me because he always had an abundance. Well a 10-12 a month intake gradually grew to 6-8 a day HABIT!!

I rapidly became an addiction. I knew I was in trouble when my supply would run out from the relative I would resort to a friend who sold them to me. Over what quickly became the next year I barely went more than a few hours without taking them. I knew I had to stop because I was now spending my bill and rent money to support my habit.

Rock bottom came when I found myself EVICTED from my apartment because I had fallen behind on my rent and could not catch up. Getting my Pills took precendece over having a place to live. I moved back home with the story that I had broken my lease to save money to buy a Condo. My immediately family knew I was evicted, but did not know the true reasons why.

I have been living at home for 9 months now and quite the pills for 2 months in April, but somehow found a reason to use again. On Friday, November 28, 2008. I made the decision that I must stop with the pills. My use was out of control and the money I was spending to keep my supply coming was taking a serious toll on my finances.

I took my last pill (LORI, Hydrocodone) 11/30/08 at 5:35 pm. I made the decision that would be it. Today I am at work. The withdrawls have not been that bad so far aside from the extremely uncomfortable muscle aches. I took Motrin today(fearfully), but it really help alleviate the pain.

I think my biggest fear in quitting is losing that false since of control and emotional comfort that made almost anything bearable. What I failed to realize is all the pain was still there is was just numbed. Now that the Haze of the past 2 years is starting to lift I feel like I can truely began to be connected to everyone and everything again. Sure everyday wont be easy, but atleast I would feel My Life again!!

All the feedback and support through this journey would be greatly appreciated

================================================== ========



I am happy to report that today makes day 12 of sobriety for me. I feel great and cannot imagine a future with pills again. This journey in no way has been easy, but the wonderful thing is that I know that I can manage these difficult times without the help of a substance and that is the most empowering part of it all.
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Old 12-12-2008, 12:51 PM
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Congratulations on your 12 days, keep at it. It just gets better. After reading your initial post I could relate to that feeling of control. What I didn't realize when I was using was that the drugs and booze controlled me, not the opposite. As far as dealing with the pains of everyday life, it may sound strange but I have found a simple joy in that. It's not all pain either, I am experiencing good things that I never would have felt if I were using. Up or down, good or bad, heaven or hell, I was just numb to it all. My basic mood was a constant state of misery, and I thought that was perfectly normal. Now I feel it all, and I love it. That's easy to say when I'm feeling good, but coming from a person that never felt anything but the grips of addiction it's true. As they say, how can you experience joy if you've never felt pain. Again, congrats on your 12 days and God bless.
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