Majamama

Hi Everyone,

Another Day 3 for me. Why do I do this over and over again? On Wednesday, I was late to pick my son up from daycare, because I stopped for a few with co-workers and had to wait an hour to sober up and eat before I could drive.

Puked my brains out on Thanksgiving and don't remember half of what I said to my family.
Had the shakes on Friday - such low blood sugar and severe hangover.

I'll go 7, 14, 27 (my tops) days and then screw it up.

This day 3, can't stop eating. I'm so depressed.

Majamama

Rowan

Hey Maja,

Glad you're here. How do you usually go about quitting? Have you sought face to face help or support?

I remember when my kids were young and staying out late to drink, and not making it to pick them up - they were with their father, but still. I started drinking at home so that wouldn't happen again, and waited until they were in bed, but if anything happened such as God forbid a fire we probably all would have perished. I would have been passed out in bed or down in the living room.

I don't live that way anymore, thank God. You don't have to either. You don't have to live with the guilt and remorse, or the shame. Giving up drinking is just the beginning, or it was for me.

Recovery IS possible.

Stick around, read and post. There is a lot of support, encouragement and inspiration to be found here.

Dee74

Hi majamama

Welcome to ya. I can only echo what Ro said - I couldn't more than 3 days without drinking...not for the best part of 20 years. It's what alcoholics do.

Coming up on 2 years sober now. This place helped a lot - it's great to have people to talk to for support and advice.

Lots of people use other programmes as well, like AA, for that more face to face experience.

The point is - no-one is hopeless. No-one.

You can do this. Hope to see you around

D

Majamama

Thanks Rowan. My husband drinks too. We both binge drink.
In a crazy unspoken way - we often alternate drinking nights so that someone is present for our son. I want to be sober. He thinks I don't have a problem because I'm not as "bad" as he is. I have just had so many days like this... a few days after a binge, feeling hopeless, ashamed, depressed.
At times, I checked out local AA meetings and always shyed away when someone would try to talk to me. If someone wanted to give me his/her phone number, you can guarantee I would never go back to that meeting. I know that reading these forums has helped me. I am so uncomfortable talking to strangers (funny how this doesn't apply at a bar after I've had a few) at meetings that I feel safer online.

I really, really don't want to drink anymore.
Majamama

Jomey

Welcome Maja - As Dee says, no one is hopeless. I am glad you are here. You can do this and leave behind the hopelessness, shame and depression. Stick around, read, share...you can stop the cycle. You CAN recover! Keep close, Jomey

Majamama

The cycle runs like this:
Anxious-Drink (a lot) - Sick - Depressed - Feel better - Rationalize - Anxious - Drink.... SR stops me from rationalizing.
Thanks,
Majamam

Hevyn

Hi Maja - I know just what you mean, been there many times. You keep doing it over & over because each time you're sure there'll be a different result. You try to be more careful, to not overdo it, to just have a few & stop before you spiral out of control. You're still seeking the pleasant feeling you used to get from it, without the drama and danger, but it's too late for that. Those times are never coming back. The cycle has to end because it's becoming more unpredictable each time. You're aware of that, so half the battle is won. It's great you found us - SR has helped get and keep me sober for 11 mos. I couldn't have done it without these angels.

lisa t

welcome maja! glad you are here and seeking help! stick around and read...alot of good posts and great people here with alot of wisdom & insight!
3 days is a great start..just think about today...don't think about the past or the future!
keep coming back!!
Big Hugz,
Lisa

Rowan

I think it's great that you recognize your patterns, Maja. That's really important. So, now that you know ahead of time what the next days will be like, what will your choices be?

By the way, when I gave up booze, I had my sister tell me there was no way I was an alkie, because she drank way more than me. Hellloooo! Same went for the folks. The thing is, if they admitted I had a problem, it might mean they had a problem. I learned not to involve them in my recovery. Several years later, and they are very supportive. In fact, my father gave up drinking!

Your husband can continue to drink; it's his choice. You can focus on you, and keep the focus on your own recovery. I'm glad to hear you have checked out AA in the past. We mean well by giving you phone numbers. You don't have to call if you're not ready. Coming here is a good start. I understand the anxiety you experience.

There are some 'Sticky' posts at the top of each forum; in the Alcoholism section you will find lots of good reading. Check them out if you get a minute.

Pam08

First off and most important, SO Glad you are posting here!!!! I did the same as you, for years. Drink, get drunk, wake up next day filled with guilt and shame, At that point I would say "THIS IS IT NO more DRINKING!!" But later we feel better, eat some food, drink water, rehydrate, boom, back to square one. Your not alone with that, and your not alone in wanting to stop drinking.
I finally got to a bad point in my life. I was not in trouble with the law, didn't lose job or children..I was just at my inner bottom. I felt death nearing if I didn't do something...basically I hit my own rock bottom.
I did the detox, for me was a waste, as I am a binge drinker, every few days so I didn't have detoxing problems..I went to out patient rehab, 5 days a week, was educational, I was tested every day for drugs and alcohol so it was good for what it was. The changing point for me was AA, this forum, along with hitting my own personal rock bottom.
I know how it is hard to go to AA at first. It was extremely hard for me..but I went and kept going back...they reach outto you and give you telephone no's, I accepted them, but never used them. I found the more meetings I went to the better I felt. I could relate to everyone in one way or another. I found out I was not alone and I am not a freak...I am an alcoholic. I took my time, found me a wonderful sponsor and have started working the steps..doing step 2 this week. I am praying as much as I can, remembering to pray and ask for guidance is new to me, so alot of times I pray and say the serenity prayer over and over. For now the obsession to drink is gone, It may return and I will deal with that if and when I find myself in that place ..I feel lucky and blessed that I have been given a chance for life. I feel a future is within my reach if i work hard to achieve.
Don't give up, keep strong, keep posting and reading here in the forum..we are here for you...and try AA a few times..just be open to it......Your not alone!!:ghug2

mle-sober

Majamama,

I'm glad you're here. You can get sober. You are surrounded here by people who are doing the same thing you are struggling to do. We're all in different stages but we all know how incredibly hard it can be. You can do it too.

I was horribly uncomfortable at AA at first. But I really, really wanted to get sober. So I pushed past my fears and anxieties. I cried at each and every meeting for the first 6 months. I didn't even give them my real name the first one! (How stupid is that?) AA's not the only way to get sober but for me, it was what worked. And it's worked for countless others.

BTW - your husband may be saying you don't have a problem because if he can keep you drinking than he gets to keep drinking too. I had a relationship a long time ago where we would sit around drunk and discuss whether we were alcoholics or not. Sometimes we would say, yea, probably but we aren't ready to quit. Other times it'd be, like, well, you are but I'm not as bad. Or we'd say we could quit anytime but we just didn't fit in with the rest of the world and to heck with it. All excuses. And kind of pathetically poor ones. But we supported each other in our alcoholism because as long as we kept the other one drinking, than we didn't have to stop ourselves.

Try not drinking today. We're rooting for you.

bstt03

I hear ya on the cycle. I was the same way. Now I am trying to remember that the drinking is not going to ease the anxiousness, it will be there again. Just have to go through it. And you know what, since I have stopped drinking I seem to actually have LESS anxiety. Isn't THAT something. oh and I know what you mean about the depression. Its so horrible. Just keep reminding yourself of that

hope3

The solution for me is AA.

I wish you well.

hope3