Another binge, need to talk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Biloxi, MS
Posts: 15
Another binge, need to talk
I am just coming off my worst binge ever and am feeling like hell. No sleep at all last night. I am so sick of this behavior--all the sneaking around, hiding the empties, lying about my drinking. I hid what was left of a 12 pack in my trunk this morning so my husband wouldn't know I'd been drinking yesterday. Alcohol is ruining my life, it is controlling me and each time I drink it gets worse. I've been drunk almost every day for the past month.
I know that I must go to AA in order to save my life. I truly feel lost and alone today---at least I am too sick to drink!
I will try to push these negative thoughts away. It is pure torture and the worst part is I've done this to myself. I am just going to pray for the next few days to pass quickly--I know what's in store for me.
Peggy
I know that I must go to AA in order to save my life. I truly feel lost and alone today---at least I am too sick to drink!
I will try to push these negative thoughts away. It is pure torture and the worst part is I've done this to myself. I am just going to pray for the next few days to pass quickly--I know what's in store for me.
Peggy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 164
hang in Peggy..
as tk said....no drinking TODAY!! spend your day hanging around here...lots of great people with great strength and wisdom!
i hope you feel better soon! send me a pm in you want chat off the boards!! usually on most of the day...not much pressing today.
Big HUGZ!!
Lisa
as tk said....no drinking TODAY!! spend your day hanging around here...lots of great people with great strength and wisdom!
i hope you feel better soon! send me a pm in you want chat off the boards!! usually on most of the day...not much pressing today.
Big HUGZ!!
Lisa
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hi Peggy,
So glad you posted what you're going through -- and please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Just 9 days ago I was coming off an around the clock binge and thought it would never end! It does and will. A friend of mine who was checking in with me throughout the 3 days of torment I was going through said that the only focus I should have is on "nothing" through that time (yeah, right). That my body will yell and scream at me, my mind will twist and draw on all the "negatives" of my life and drinking, sleep will alude me, etc.... The "1 minute at a time" was completely endless most of the time, but did pass.
I sat in the recliner with the remote in my hand and kept busy that way. Thank God I'm not married or have a BF around to try and keep up appearances and fake being seemingly normal. Hopefully you can literally let your hair down and be able to communicate your need for down time to those around you.
Sipping water, gatorade and veggie broth helped, when I could keep it down. I encourage you to hydrate yourself as much as possible! Your body really needs it.
Yeah!!!.... this disease gets worse -- never better -- and definitely never manageable! My drinking has escalated from severe hangovers to pucking up bile and having it come out the other end for several days before and after stopping altogether. It has scared me severely at this point cuz when that starts happening, I'm told the inside organs (pancreas, liver, etc.) are starting to give out and are screaming at me to "wake up" and STOP THIS!
I started going to 2 (small & intimate) AA meetings a week again. I am working with someone that has some time and that I could really talk to and be honest with. I visit this site and post often and feel "a part of" as everyone is going through or been at where I was and am with addiction and the devastation of what it causes emotionally, mentally, etc....
Please keep posting and sharing what your experiencing so you can get it out of you. You are NOT ALONE!!! We are here for you, friend!
Lots of love going your way -- and prayers too!!
Nicki
So glad you posted what you're going through -- and please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Just 9 days ago I was coming off an around the clock binge and thought it would never end! It does and will. A friend of mine who was checking in with me throughout the 3 days of torment I was going through said that the only focus I should have is on "nothing" through that time (yeah, right). That my body will yell and scream at me, my mind will twist and draw on all the "negatives" of my life and drinking, sleep will alude me, etc.... The "1 minute at a time" was completely endless most of the time, but did pass.
I sat in the recliner with the remote in my hand and kept busy that way. Thank God I'm not married or have a BF around to try and keep up appearances and fake being seemingly normal. Hopefully you can literally let your hair down and be able to communicate your need for down time to those around you.
Sipping water, gatorade and veggie broth helped, when I could keep it down. I encourage you to hydrate yourself as much as possible! Your body really needs it.
Yeah!!!.... this disease gets worse -- never better -- and definitely never manageable! My drinking has escalated from severe hangovers to pucking up bile and having it come out the other end for several days before and after stopping altogether. It has scared me severely at this point cuz when that starts happening, I'm told the inside organs (pancreas, liver, etc.) are starting to give out and are screaming at me to "wake up" and STOP THIS!
I started going to 2 (small & intimate) AA meetings a week again. I am working with someone that has some time and that I could really talk to and be honest with. I visit this site and post often and feel "a part of" as everyone is going through or been at where I was and am with addiction and the devastation of what it causes emotionally, mentally, etc....
Please keep posting and sharing what your experiencing so you can get it out of you. You are NOT ALONE!!! We are here for you, friend!
Lots of love going your way -- and prayers too!!
Nicki
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 27
Peggy, I feel for you. I only have 7 days in, so I am not much of an expert at this thing, but I, too have snuck around, hidden the empties, watered down bottles and all of that craziness. I hope that you take care of yourself today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 15
((((((Peggy)))))))
I was where you are last Monday (for at least the 10th time) and I know how hard it is... but I need to tell you that reading YOUR POST just now helped me realize I am doing the right thing in quitting... SO THANK YOU!!!
I, too, know about hiding the empties and being drunk ever day. I hated being drunk but I was scared to quit (anxiety set in hard and I thought I would die)... It's NO WAY TO LIVE AND YOU KNOW THAT.
Take each 24 as it comes. Thats all we can all do. You can do it. I know you can.
I was where you are last Monday (for at least the 10th time) and I know how hard it is... but I need to tell you that reading YOUR POST just now helped me realize I am doing the right thing in quitting... SO THANK YOU!!!
I, too, know about hiding the empties and being drunk ever day. I hated being drunk but I was scared to quit (anxiety set in hard and I thought I would die)... It's NO WAY TO LIVE AND YOU KNOW THAT.
Take each 24 as it comes. Thats all we can all do. You can do it. I know you can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Biloxi, MS
Posts: 15
The worst part besides all the general physical sickness is the anxiety. I feel so frightened and nervous. I know this is another symptom of my alcohol abuse. I will get through this day and this site is really helping. I've been reading all day and am determined to go to AA. I "confessed" to my husband what I had been doing with the binging and he is very supportive. It was such a relief to get it out into the open.
Thank you so much to everyone for the kind words.
Peggy
Thank you so much to everyone for the kind words.
Peggy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 15
Peggy... have you thought of medically detoxing? I knew my anxiety would get to me and I went to my P.A. and told her what was going on and she prescribed Ativan in VERY mild doses to help me through... and while it made me sleepy, it kept the anxiety at bay.... it's just a thought. Also, an ER could give it to you if you are honest with them.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I know that I must go to AA in order to save my life. I truly feel lost and alone today---at least I am too sick to drink.
If you can get some medical help with the detoxing, that would be a good thing. But, please do get to the meetings for all the support you need.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 4
Peggy is my Mother's name - I love it!
I too was sick of the sneaking, hiding, dishonest behavior, constantly thinking about my next beer. I was not being a good person at all.
You are very strong.....and most importantly, NOT alone. You have your husbands support and get to an AA meeting ASAP. See things are already starting to work for you......honesty!!
I too was sick of the sneaking, hiding, dishonest behavior, constantly thinking about my next beer. I was not being a good person at all.
You are very strong.....and most importantly, NOT alone. You have your husbands support and get to an AA meeting ASAP. See things are already starting to work for you......honesty!!
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Telling ur husband is a great step. It really helps to have the support. Plus I think if feels good to say to someone, look, I have a problem, can you support me? At least it did me...but Ive only discussed it with my husband, here and one friend. My journal hears about daily, I write in everyday..how i feel when i get up and before I got to bed and what not.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Peggysue, you can do it!! You don't ever have to feel like hell again. I was just like you when I came here last year - I knew what I had to do, but dragged my feet and ended up with one final, life-threatening binge. My heart was beating out of my chest, I was dizzy & panicking - couldn't sleep, just drank 'round the clock and paced-blood pressure hugely elevated. Still, I cried my heart out, asking myself how I could live without booze in my life. Huh?!? It hasn't been fun or relaxing in so long - I'm sure that's the way it is with you too. So why still cling to it? The withdrawal will be rough, but once it's done, that's it - and you can start rebuilding your life & your health.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
:ghugHI Peggysue, Welcome to SR. Your surely not alone. We are all here for you, so keep posting and reading what others have to offer as you can also learn alot in here..great people in the forum.
Glad you told your husband, and it is great if he is supportive..
You mentioned AA. I will tell you I tried everything, self quitting, detox, therapist, rehab. but the only thing that is working is AA. I feel so different than I did a month ago. People are noticing the difference in me..AA works if you work it..I hope you go..not to just one meeting, keep going, you will find you will look forward to going. I go one to two times daily..and I am off to one now as it starts in 20 min...
Your in the right place..be strong and know anything is possible if we want it bad enuf.
God bless..
Glad you told your husband, and it is great if he is supportive..
You mentioned AA. I will tell you I tried everything, self quitting, detox, therapist, rehab. but the only thing that is working is AA. I feel so different than I did a month ago. People are noticing the difference in me..AA works if you work it..I hope you go..not to just one meeting, keep going, you will find you will look forward to going. I go one to two times daily..and I am off to one now as it starts in 20 min...
Your in the right place..be strong and know anything is possible if we want it bad enuf.
God bless..
Too far from the beach
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 387
Time for a Doc
Peggysue,
I went through the same thing you did until I finally saw a Doctor for guidence. He put my on a drug called Naltrexone. It stops the cravings. Granted I have had a few minor crashes but certainly nothing like what I was. I can manage to stay sober for months at a time and only then when I crash it is just a few drinks and not total craziness. It also helps food cravings too. I am feeling real good tonight and have not been to the board in a while so I thought I would see how everyone is doing. I have been 98% sober since Jan 08 and really feel the better for it. I was pretty hard core and so so sick.
To be perfectly blunt, I have had my occasions of pure alchohal poisioning. Nothing worse then puking, shitting, pissing and a nose bleed all at once. How gross that sounds now huh? I cannot urge all of you enough to go to the Doc and admit what you are and get some better living through another kind of chemistry. Good luck.
I went through the same thing you did until I finally saw a Doctor for guidence. He put my on a drug called Naltrexone. It stops the cravings. Granted I have had a few minor crashes but certainly nothing like what I was. I can manage to stay sober for months at a time and only then when I crash it is just a few drinks and not total craziness. It also helps food cravings too. I am feeling real good tonight and have not been to the board in a while so I thought I would see how everyone is doing. I have been 98% sober since Jan 08 and really feel the better for it. I was pretty hard core and so so sick.
To be perfectly blunt, I have had my occasions of pure alchohal poisioning. Nothing worse then puking, shitting, pissing and a nose bleed all at once. How gross that sounds now huh? I cannot urge all of you enough to go to the Doc and admit what you are and get some better living through another kind of chemistry. Good luck.
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