my BF has scoliosis, collapsed lungs, asthma
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 222
my BF has scoliosis, collapsed lungs, asthma
he drinks constantly, takes vicodin, valium and has become abusive.
his lungs collapsed in surgery for the scoliosis at age 10 when they put a 14-inch steel rod in his back. otherwise he would have died.
he never acts like he is in pain. he rides a bike and we are sexually active. he used to snow ski, race motor bikes.......so i just don't know how badly he really needs these pills except for recreation.
now he is working in a job where he does has to lift things so i understand that he needs the meds. but before that, i question his need for them.
what to do..........
his lungs collapsed in surgery for the scoliosis at age 10 when they put a 14-inch steel rod in his back. otherwise he would have died.
he never acts like he is in pain. he rides a bike and we are sexually active. he used to snow ski, race motor bikes.......so i just don't know how badly he really needs these pills except for recreation.
now he is working in a job where he does has to lift things so i understand that he needs the meds. but before that, i question his need for them.
what to do..........
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
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Originally Posted by shugabooga 
he drinks constantly, takes vicodin, valium and has become abusive.
You don't say if you have children, but if you do they are in a very dangerous place living with this man.
Please give thought to escaping from this toxic and dangerous situation. You can call any women's shelter or crisis line and they can supply you with addresses and transportation if need to a safe place. Even if you are not ready to leave, they can help you set up an "emergency exit" for when it may be needed.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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I think as usual, Ann provides some excellent guidance. You can't control whether he drinks and drugs, but you can control your choice to continue this dance of addiction or take steps to help yourself. I hope you will decide that you deserve better than this! Only you can decide what is best for you, but you can choose to work on your recovery...and that opens so many doors and possibilities.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
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I agree with Ann and Greet. You can't control him but you can protect yourself. It does not sound like he is ready to get help as things are working for him right now. So take whatever steps you need to protect yourself. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 222
thanks everyone for your replies.
in particular, what am i getting out of this relationship? in the beginning he could make me laugh so hard that i would wet my pants. we were so in love.
then in april he fractured his patella moving a piece of furniture for me. the whole process of getting an mri and navigating the medicare or medicade (not sure which he was on) was long and frustrating and by the time we found him a qualified caring doctor it was too late to do surgery because the patella was healing on its own. so he was in pain from april until september with this knee, yet he helped me move all my stuff first into our new apartment.
in may he was arrested for riding his bike on the sidewalk and spent he night in jail - more like 36 hours - because he had a loose vicodin in his pocket. but he has a prescription so the judge threw out the charges.
in july he was arrested for an alleged purse snatching on the beach and he keeps pleading not guilty and it is going to trial. he could not have run off with this woman's purse with his fractured patella and collapsed lungs but his attorney (from the legal aid society) just doesn't want to help him. we even obtained videotapes showing his whereabouts that day but the attorney won't tell him the time of the incident on the police report.
then in september, right before he was about to go get his furniture etc. from his old apartment to move into our new apartment, his slum landlord robbed him of everything he owned. some very nice items, all his nice clothes, mementos, tax and medical records. he has already taken him to small claims court and won the judgement.
what am i getting out of the relationship? a lot of stress, but it has been harder on him than me. when things were good (or even not so good), he would do anything for me. i need makeup? off he goes to the store. i need wine keys for work? off he goes to store? cat litter? there he goes.......cigarettes......done. he also went through a lot of research and negotiating to get us a washer/dryer and new TV. he clips coupons, reads all the grocery flyers and buys everything super-duper cheap. it makes him so happy to get a good deal. anything i want from the grocery store, he watches for it to go on sale and then it appears in the cupboard or fridge.
he is loving and affectionate and a good lover. loves animals. this is why i don't understand where the abuse came in (four incidents total). too much drinking. i am sober for a week now. i tried a couple of weeks ago for about a week but it crept back up on me. but once we had this last DV incident a week ago, i quit drinking and since i found out drinking makes me allergic to handcuffs, i am serious and seriously scared.
he is working again but it is a job that is causing him a lot of pain.
we are separated by court order right now because of the domestic violence.
i am considering my options but am working so much that it is really difficult to put the pieces of the puzzle together. plus i have a cat that i absolutely must have with me. he is ten years old and very shy around strangers.
thanks again everyone for your replies. i am hopping from the alcoholism board to the women only board and now found this one is probably appropriate too. i can't save this man, he has to save himself and i have to save myself.
in particular, what am i getting out of this relationship? in the beginning he could make me laugh so hard that i would wet my pants. we were so in love.
then in april he fractured his patella moving a piece of furniture for me. the whole process of getting an mri and navigating the medicare or medicade (not sure which he was on) was long and frustrating and by the time we found him a qualified caring doctor it was too late to do surgery because the patella was healing on its own. so he was in pain from april until september with this knee, yet he helped me move all my stuff first into our new apartment.
in may he was arrested for riding his bike on the sidewalk and spent he night in jail - more like 36 hours - because he had a loose vicodin in his pocket. but he has a prescription so the judge threw out the charges.
in july he was arrested for an alleged purse snatching on the beach and he keeps pleading not guilty and it is going to trial. he could not have run off with this woman's purse with his fractured patella and collapsed lungs but his attorney (from the legal aid society) just doesn't want to help him. we even obtained videotapes showing his whereabouts that day but the attorney won't tell him the time of the incident on the police report.
then in september, right before he was about to go get his furniture etc. from his old apartment to move into our new apartment, his slum landlord robbed him of everything he owned. some very nice items, all his nice clothes, mementos, tax and medical records. he has already taken him to small claims court and won the judgement.
what am i getting out of the relationship? a lot of stress, but it has been harder on him than me. when things were good (or even not so good), he would do anything for me. i need makeup? off he goes to the store. i need wine keys for work? off he goes to store? cat litter? there he goes.......cigarettes......done. he also went through a lot of research and negotiating to get us a washer/dryer and new TV. he clips coupons, reads all the grocery flyers and buys everything super-duper cheap. it makes him so happy to get a good deal. anything i want from the grocery store, he watches for it to go on sale and then it appears in the cupboard or fridge.
he is loving and affectionate and a good lover. loves animals. this is why i don't understand where the abuse came in (four incidents total). too much drinking. i am sober for a week now. i tried a couple of weeks ago for about a week but it crept back up on me. but once we had this last DV incident a week ago, i quit drinking and since i found out drinking makes me allergic to handcuffs, i am serious and seriously scared.
he is working again but it is a job that is causing him a lot of pain.
we are separated by court order right now because of the domestic violence.
i am considering my options but am working so much that it is really difficult to put the pieces of the puzzle together. plus i have a cat that i absolutely must have with me. he is ten years old and very shy around strangers.
thanks again everyone for your replies. i am hopping from the alcoholism board to the women only board and now found this one is probably appropriate too. i can't save this man, he has to save himself and i have to save myself.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by hope213
Do what you have to do to keep yourself safe. Anything to keep your self safe. Once he abuses you he will keep on & on & on. What do u want out of life|????
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