Jack2000

So today was depressing, stressful and makes me wanna drink. Dealing with family...well my family just sucks.

Well I suppose I should properly introduce myself. I am in desperate need of someone to talk to about my issues. I am a habitual dui offender. Finishing up my 2nd dui...classes...fines...etc. Oh but it gets better...I got my third dui last august and have to go to court next month for it. Since I was on probation still from my second I was put on SCRAM. So I have no choice but to be sober. With all that being said...I realize I have a problem. I am trying to deal with it everyday. Wake up first thing on my mind is my dui's...last thing before bed are my dui's. I was never an everyday drinker...well...maybe when I was younger. These days I am more of a binge drinker...I drink to get smashed. And not just alcohol but some drugs as well...weed, coke, ectasy mostly.

Now I am a sober mess...it's been about a month and realize that my drinking seems to be stress/anxiety induced...it seems I get cravings mostly when stressed or anxious these days. And with the story I just admitted above I am anxious and stressed nost days and am desperately trying to find an escape from my life. I was even thinking about getting some coke this week. I know I know...not a good idea...I didn't get any anyways. But I thought about it. No one knows about this last dui so I am dealing with it on my own. I am so embarressed. But it's more then that now...I can't live like this any longer. I don't want to live like this anymore. I need help. I want a way to live right/normal. I'm scared. I'm a mess...ha ha. Sorry had to laugh. Anyways I guess I just needed to vent I hope no one minds. Any advice would be much appreciated...I know I tried to cram a lot of info on the first time. Thanks!

Missybuns

welcome to SoberRecovery!

SlvrMag

Welcome!! You sound like you would benefit from a recovery program.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

I don't remember craving alcohol after 2 or 3
months into AA I was also de stressing my
lifestyle too...perhaps that is why.

I'm sorry your day sucked.
Any ideas on how it could have improved?

Glad you are here with us...

Jack2000

Thanks everyone for the welcome! Even that makes me feel a lil better. Much appreciated.

I think you are totally correct SlvrMag...I could benefit from a recovery program. It's just weird for me. Just cuz I never thought I would be that person that would need a recovery program. Does that make sense? I guess no one wants to be that person but now it's me. That just makes it super "real". It's like going to an exotic location...and saying to yourself...am I really here...how did I get here?

Carol...not really sure how I could have made today better. I woke up today in such a good mood. I look forward to Turkey Day every year. But my mom and dad were in the kitchen screaming and fighting and just making the day tense and unconfortable. I was just really unhappy with there attitude on such a fun day. I mean can't we re-schedule the attitudes for tomorrow? It was just a bad Thanksgiving. Not what I had in mind...AND...it was my neices first turkey day. Just disappointed. And thanks Carol...I am glad to be her too.

endzoner

Hi Jack.. 2 time DWI offender here in less the 6 months apart .I wasnt even done with my court hearings when i got my second one , matter fact the morning I was released from Jail I had to be in DWI class. I still have a paper that was asked in that class what I had learned . ( I wrote - apparently not enuff). I kept it all a secret no one knew of either of them . And the hardest thing was to confess my doings to my mom . I called her on the phone and told her to sit down i had something that I needed to share with her , She wasnt happy , but was glad that I was able to go to her and tell her what I had done wrong , I explained that I know i needed help and was going to do something to change my life around for the better . ANd I did ... Now 5 yrs later .. Im still sober . Not easy at first but It sure got easier and better as I worked a program of my own choosing In recovery (AA).
Your actions were so much like mine , mostly binge drinkin , After the first one I thought i had learned a lesson , " apparently not " I was takin cab's to go out to drink and was drinkin less . But one nite I got brave and wentjust to see what was going on with no intention of drinking , I think I had 3$ to my name . Well that didnt matter . Got friends in bar , and of corse who can turn down the " hey ill buy you one " and had only a few . but a few was too many and was caught ! 2 blocks from home , And worse yet ... the same cop that nailed me the first time .. hows that for fate !. But in the end I was greatful and still am to that officer . He saved my life and possibly anothers life that I could of killed being selfish and self distructive driving under the influnce . Im glad you found this site .. theres wondeful people who like you and my self that have ben thu all this and then some . stick around share and learn things. It mite save your life if you do . Feel free to contact me if you like , Im always around ! :praying for your strenght just for today . Endzy

tommyk

Welcome, keep coming back.

Perhaps check out a recovery program as suggested, perhaps see a doctor about the possibility of depression issues? There's no shame in seeking help for either/any issue.

Anna

Hi,

Welcome!

I was stunned when I realized that I was an alcoholic. For me, it happened so quickly that I couldn't believe it. Acceptance is the beginning of recovery.

It's normal to have the feelings of anxiety and shame and all kinds of negative emotions when you first stop drinking. It takes time and patience to work through those feelings, but you can't run away from them and you can get through this.

Jack2000

Wow! I have to say I am overwhelmed by the support and acceptance on this website. I really appreciate everyone's story and advice.

After this last dui I realized I did need to be treated for depression. I am currently being treated and am on zoloft. If not for any other reason then my life is just depressing and stressful. Sometimes it is really hard to see any sort of light.

I think the embarressment comes from thinking I am alone and that the situation I am in has never happened to anyone else.

Since being sober I have realized a lot. Looking at how I drank and why I drank is a real eye opener. I also have had time to look at my families issues with alcohol as well. Alcohol has been a big part of my families life. My dad is for sure a alcoholic...every day beer drinking kind of guy...always has been. He has a dui under his belt as well. He got it when me and my brother were younger and we were in the car with him. I could go on with family stories but I would have write a book. I guess my whole reason for bringing up my family is because I am trying to figure out what made me this way. Not that I want to blame my family. I'm just trying understand my problem better.

I also think I have to completely accept that I have a problem. I don't think I have fully commited to that. I guess that comes with time. Not sure. I realize I have a problem for sure just not sure I have accepted it yet.

I think most of my friends have issues with drinking. Some more then others. What do I do in social situations. My friends idea's of fun is going to the bar and getting smashed. Some of them I wouldn't care as much to lose as others just because I have known them for 10 years or more. I don't want to lose good friends with bad habits...ya know.

Thanks again everyone for your stories and advice. It is really helping. Sometimes even making me tear up realizing others have been in my situation.

Ananda

I have had treatment for my depression and also counceling for my family issues etc. Those things were absolutely necessary for me to stay sober and to not just give up and take my life.

HOWEVER....what I learned the last time I drank is that even if I fix all of those problems...I am still an alchoholic and cannot drink safely.

I didn't give up my long term friends because I got sober, but I did make sure that we were in non-drinking situations when we got together. My son still drinks alchoholicly and he lives at home...we just set a few ground rules to help me in recovery. He has only broken those rules a couple of times in 16 mos...so it has worked out ok so far. Just set some boundries is what helped me, and not ones that were all or nothing.....when it was ...total accept anything or kick him out of my life i just stayed stuck...now with some guidlines we seem to progress in our relationship despite his continued drinking.

Toomutch

Welcome Jack - As you have already realized you will find a tremendous amount of support here. Keep posting...

hollyce

Hi Jack!
You'll find a ton of support here. I joined this week and have been on several times every day, each visit bringing much peace of mind, wisdom and encouragement.

So I wanted to ask you, what ways, other than drinking, can you think of to help relieve stress? Are you an active person? Socialite? It's time to start filling in those anxious and stressful moments with more rewarding activities.

It's going to be difficult! But I know that you can continue to choose sobriety if you really WANT to.

And for the record, who isn't a mess? ha! There are different degrees of "mess" but I think you get me.

We are all a product of our environment. Awesome thing is as we get older (I'm going to be 30 next month! weee!) we have more opportunities to create our own environment to foster healthier relationships with ourselves and the people we chose to be around. (whoa - did that thought really just come out of me?!)

Keep coming to SR.
Hollyce

bumble2008123

Welcome to SR, Jack.. I think you will truly benefit from being here.

Jack2000

Well thank you Toomutch...it's nice to see someone from Colorado here...I am in CO as well.

Hollyce you sound super nice and have asked a very important question that I have been asking myself. Where do I go from here. And how can I get rid of this stress and anxiety. Well truth be told I was really working out a lot and trying to get into a good healthy lifestyle...at the time I was also still drinking but was at least working out ya know. Then the ball dropped and with this last dui feel myself slipping. I mean I am for sure not a couch potato...well except on my off time. But I have a job and things to do...but not really feeling like being active outside of work. I feel like keeping to myself. To be honest I have succomb to the stress, anxiety and depression I think. Before SR I had nobody to talk to. I am trying to get my life together slowly. I am seeing a counsler once a month...going to court ordered alcohol classes 4 times a month which I think are a joke...what I mean by this is that no one in these classes wants to be sober or even takes the classes seriously...I want to find those people or groups...that are all on the same page of sobriety...I am also looking into a group that meets on mondays at 8 each week but I am still thinking about it...it intimidates me...trying to resolve that internally I suppose. Talk myself into it if you will. I don't want to be that person that sits around letting his demons consume him. I really do want to help myself. I guess I am just beginning and am a little new to it all. But going back to activites...I need to start looking into some things to participate in.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions to help ease anxiety? I am trying some natural remedies...kava, passionflower...all alcohol free fyi.

Thanks again all!

Thanks2HP

Welcome to SR. My DUI's were further in between than yours but I can identify. I attended AA for a while after my second one. I didn't get a sponsor, didn't work the steps and didn't get a commitment. All that was keeping me from drinking was going to meetings. I was transferred to another city and didn't like the meetings there so I quit going. It's no surprise that I started drinking again. I did good for a while, making sure a buddy drove or I took a cab... then found myself behind the wheel again, drinking and driving.

When I got what I hope is my last DUI over 14 years ago, I knew where I had to go, back into the rooms of AA. I had moved again so there were different meetings to go to. My job required me to have a license. I had been promised a raise and a promotion but it was a carrot on a stick. My company gave me the responsibilities of the promotion without the raise and I was able to keep my job.

I got a sponsor and worked the steps. My sponsor told me I couldn't change my company... that I was powerless over people, places and things... but I could change myself. Part of the requirements for me to get the promotion was to get a certification. The company kept saying they would send me to class but never did. I decided to pay for the training myself. I asked them if I had to take vacation time to go to class or on company time. They let me go on company time. When I showed them my cert and called their bluff they gave me the official promotion and a raise. They even reimbursed me for the training.

I also know a guy that had to go to jail for about a year for his 4th DUI. That's what it took for him to reach bottom.

Thinking back to that last DUI, I remember most of the people in the 18 month 2nd offender program (my first DUI was in another state) did not consider themselves alcoholic and thought the program was worthless. For me, I couldn't deny it any longer. I lost two uncles to the disease. Not too long before my DUI I drove home drunk from a bar I could have walked too. The only thing I remember is seeing a cop car behind me. I must have had a guardian angel or locked my elbow just right to not have gotten pulled over! That experience kept me from drinking for a couple of weeks. After the DUI I surrendered to the fact that I was an alcoholic. I was a binge drinker by the way. I also have a lot of anxiety around people. I don't like crowds and prefer to be alone. It was a bummer to learn that fellowship with other alcoholics is part of the recovery process. I also suffer from depression and tried anti-depressants in the late 90's then changed jobs and insurance so stopped taking them. I started again in 2004. I don't of anything OTC to help with the anxiety. I had hit my bottom and was willing to do what I had to do and go where I needed to go in order to get sober then continue in order to stay sober. I still have problems around people I don't know but over time it got a lot easier for me to be around people I started to get to know in the rooms of A.A.

I hope you've reached your bottom. If you do what many people have done before you and follow a few simple suggestions, your life will get better.

Please remember that you're best thinking got you where you are.... maybe it's time to act your way into right thinking rather than try to think your way into acting better?

I wish you much success in your recovery.

Again, welcome!

- R