Freedom1990

For many many years, the holiday season, specifically Thanksgiving through Christmas, were incredibly painful and difficult for me.

Initially it was because I was in recovery from my own addictions/alcoholism and I was still wading through the intensely painful memories of the pain/chaos/confusion that I heaped upon loved ones and friends.

Then my own journey began as the parent of an addict/alcoholic, and I began to truly understand the depths of despair, the hopelessness, and helplessness that my parents had felt.

It has not been an easy journey, and despite my own recovery from alcoholism/addiction, I have had my own struggles with denial and enabling, all the crazy-making behavior of not being able to detach, especially with grandchildren being involved.

Finally, I have come to a point that, in spite of having a 30 year old daughter who continues on her path of destruction, I have peace of mind, and a quiet heart. I will celebrate this Thanksgiving with gratitude for all the blessings that I do have in my life, for there are many if I just look and see.

It hasn't been so long ago that I don't remember what it's like to spend a holiday filled with the agony of knowing my child is in active addiction, feeling nothing but sorrow and pain.

My higher power, my God, is a kind, loving, and immense God, and I want each and every one of you to know, especially those of you who will be struggling tomorrow through this holiday, that I have asked my God to wrap his loving arms around you too.

I pray that your heart will also find peace some day too. :ghug :ghug

MsPINKAcres

thanks for this!!

Last yr my oldest daughter was in jail for christmas and was released the week before Easter - she was arrested 3 wks after her release.

It was difficult and painful - but I made it thru it - I set her Christmas gifts to the back of the tree; the gifts for her 3 children - my precious grandchildren - I had to give them at different times - mostly after christmas.

Thru the help of my recovery program, my HP and the support of SR - I had a good holiday season.

Prayers to each of you with those children lost to the disease right now - take care of you & may they open their hearts & minds to the path that will lead them to recovery.

HUGS,
Rita

winnie12

Thank you - i'm ignoring it now but know it will hit soon. i saw a happy feel-good commercial about thanksgiving the other day and how we should be most thankful for being with the ones we love. but my family is torn apart and it did nothing but make me cry because i cant be with my son. I wont be with him in two weeks for his 16th birthday and i wont be with him for christmas. I could visit tomorrow but i hear he is still blaming me so i'm not going to put myself through it.

AquaBlue

Thank you SO much for taking the time to post this! It made me tear up, because it's been running through my head- the usual thoughts of: will he even show up, if he does-what state will he be in, etc...

So, thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouraging the rest of us to find that peace. I'm working on it and getting better. I've decided to not make excuses for AS tomorrow, no matter what. I tried to call him yesterday to tell him when other family is arriving and what time we'll eat- he didn't answer or call me back. I'm not calling again.

I'm going to enjoy my nieces and nephews and really focus on the many blessings that I do still have in my life!

Serenity Bound

Freedom......Ditto to what you have to say!!

marle

The last four years of holidays have not been the best memories but last year I decided that I would have a good holiday season despite what my daughter was doing. We invited her to both celebrations and though she did not stay long, she did come and she was gracious both times. It was only because I had accepted that she was where she was that I was able to be grateful for her being in our company. This year she is clean and will be coming with the new boyfriend. I feel that I will have to work doubly hard not to let the memories of the past interfere with the pleasure of the present. Thanks for your prayers Freedom and I will keep you in my prayers that this holiday season will be filled with special gifts for you and yours. Hugs, Marle

rozied

Even though my son is still suffering I have so much to be thankful for. Of course I pray for the day that he can be free and with us again, but if it doesn't happen there is nothing I can do.

greeteachday

What a beautiful post. I add my thoughts and prayers for all those families still suffering.

ctrom40

What a beautiful post, thank you.
I also wanted to say that you are all in my thoughts during this Thanksgiving Day.

We will be celebrating tomorrow with my RAD and my AS here at my house.... along with 23 other family members.... (most of them are just normal crazies)

When I say my Thanksgiving prayers tomorrow, I must remind myself to embrace/accept my children -
both recovering and still searching.... what will be, will be.

Hugs,
:ghug3

Ann

Christmas used to be the hardest for me, no matter how well I planned to be happy, it was stiil hard.

Today it is better, I spend it with my family and friends and create new memories instead of being sad over the old ones. If I catch myself struggling, I tell myself it's just 24 hours and I can find something in the day to make me smile.

Hugs from this mom to all the moms out there. As CatsPajama's says, "Being a Mom ain't for weenies".

Love you all, have a Happy Thanks giving.

sleepygoat

Thanks for the prayers (adding mine right now) for the other moms and dads here. May the God of your understanding give us all a deep feeling of peace, gratitude, and hope today.

Had a fight with my AD last week. She's still invited, but I haven't heard anything from her since. Yeah, it's not what I would have liked, but I'm doing OK with it. I'll still have my holiday with my husband today.

BBD

This is a gracious post and to all of you~~Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy. This year I am praying will be different for us. Chris has really upset me in past years during the holidays but this year I am letting him find his own path with the way he wants to spend it. We will be meeting him for dinner today at 3pm at a wonderful restauart . He is bringing his new gf and roomate. Hopefully we laugh and have fun. I pray that I can let go of holidays past and start anew here.....So, enjoy your day and prayers to all. Bonnie

SerenityGirl

Thankyou Freedom....My prayers also go out to all mothers...it is comforting to know that there are other Mom's that are going through what I am going through..and the same feelings...Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!!

JMFburns

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
Thanks for the post and thoughts about parents w/addict kids.
I did not spend any time w/my AS today, I went w/my daughter to my Mom & Dad's to have dinner, my two brothers were also there. I marvel at those who are inviting their addicts to the family gatherings, my daughter would not attend if son were invited and I get the feeling other family members wouldn't want my son around either (haven't asked but . . . why would they want that elephant in the room???)
I'm not looking forward to any Christmas gatherings - just struggling to get past the season and pray for something different next year.
Sorry to be a downer - but hope others positive, serene, strong outlooks will rub off on me!

rlsbb99532

What a wonderful thread. I have the 28 year old daughter who is hell bent on killing herself one way or another. I feel at peace. I have given her all the sober knowledge that I have. It's up to her. She is the one who has to want it. It's sad though.
Thank you.

hope213

i am late on this post but i was there right along you. the ones whose addicts chair was empty. i focus on the good in my life & the blessings i have. i miss my addict son but i also miss my oldest son who lives to far away to make it home on the holidays. i have my beautiful daughter & 3 out of 5 of my grandchildren near. the holidays are hard & i use to hate them. today i am happy with myself, mr. hope & those i do have. it has been a long,hard road to get where i am today. hope your thanks giving was as good as it could be. hugs & prayers,