Am I Normal?
Hannitized
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Am I Normal? Day 225 here~ In these days of sobriety I am having the most difficult time having to live with my far-far-far from perfect self.
Like yesterday. I interrupted a colleague. It didn't strike me until later on in the day how incredibly rude I was. I felt ashamed of myself. It was too late to go see her to apologize.
I called this person at home. The one who answered treated the call like a salesperson call. I'm doubtful any message was passed on. The person didn't take my long and difficult name or my number...didn't know I was a colleague.
I also sent an e-mail to her home e-mail address. Not sure if this is current or checked.
So now I just want to let it go. I'll see her Monday. I've made two attempts and know that's enough. I want to simply let this go but I feel a little bit stuck...a little nagged this morning. It is not a comfortable feeling.
So.....what is this behavior? This wondering about how my actions may be interpreted by others? I used to just go on my merry way...get drunk, play loud music, smoke cigarettes...now I have the ability, and apparent desire, to critique myself. When I do "good" I rarely reflect on it. When I mess up, I tend to fixate a bit. And come on, I interrupted a conversation. On the scale of things, that's not a major offense! And it is one I can work on correcting in the future~
I hope someone will give me some perspective this morning. Please tell me this is a normal thing that alcoholics go through once they become intimate with sobriety for the first time in their adult lives.
Day 225 here~
Like yesterday. I interrupted a colleague. It didn't strike me until later on in the day how incredibly rude I was. I felt ashamed of myself. It was too late to go see her to apologize.
I called this person at home. The one who answered treated the call like a salesperson call. I'm doubtful any message was passed on. The person didn't take my long and difficult name or my number...didn't know I was a colleague.
I also sent an e-mail to her home e-mail address. Not sure if this is current or checked.
So now I just want to let it go. I'll see her Monday. I've made two attempts and know that's enough. I want to simply let this go but I feel a little bit stuck...a little nagged this morning. It is not a comfortable feeling.
So.....what is this behavior? This wondering about how my actions may be interpreted by others? I used to just go on my merry way...get drunk, play loud music, smoke cigarettes...now I have the ability, and apparent desire, to critique myself. When I do "good" I rarely reflect on it. When I mess up, I tend to fixate a bit. And come on, I interrupted a conversation. On the scale of things, that's not a major offense! And it is one I can work on correcting in the future~
I hope someone will give me some perspective this morning. Please tell me this is a normal thing that alcoholics go through once they become intimate with sobriety for the first time in their adult lives.
Day 225 here~
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
I think you have the right perspective here, Liberty
You know the saying - don't sweat the small stuff?
OK, you might have been a little rude...or they may not have even noticed - either way, it's pretty small stuff, and you apologised.
There's an old Chinese proverb: going beyond is as bad as falling short.
We're addicts - we can tend to behave obsessively.
We all need to watch that, even when the obsession is geared towards perfection.
D
And come on, I interrupted a conversation. On the scale of things, that's not a major offense! And it is one I can work on correcting in the future~
OK, you might have been a little rude...or they may not have even noticed - either way, it's pretty small stuff, and you apologised.
There's an old Chinese proverb: going beyond is as bad as falling short.
We're addicts - we can tend to behave obsessively.
We all need to watch that, even when the obsession is geared towards perfection.
D
You are doing fine, Liberty!
Hannitized
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Thank you for that Chinese proverb! A true gem. And I guess that's the word for it-obsessing. I want to nip that in the bud and move on with this great, long weekend with the family.
And thanks timzup for the reference from the book...something important to keep in mind.
I think this fixation may be an indication of pride as well. Like I am so important that my transgression has affected this person so deeply...
And why do I have this need to be "forgiven" by this person who I barely know? That's silly, isn't it? Whose forgiveness do I REALLY need?
Also- In what other bigger, much more serious ways have I screwed up? Maybe this little obsession helps me not to focus on the bigger picture.
I should be grateful that this little incident has helped me consider the bigger picture. I am not in a program. SR is my program and through you I have come to important information.
Thanks~
And thanks timzup for the reference from the book...something important to keep in mind.
I think this fixation may be an indication of pride as well. Like I am so important that my transgression has affected this person so deeply...
And why do I have this need to be "forgiven" by this person who I barely know? That's silly, isn't it? Whose forgiveness do I REALLY need?
Also- In what other bigger, much more serious ways have I screwed up? Maybe this little obsession helps me not to focus on the bigger picture.
I should be grateful that this little incident has helped me consider the bigger picture. I am not in a program. SR is my program and through you I have come to important information.
Thanks~
Hannitized
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Hi Liberty,
Recovery is a time for learning and growing.
Learn from what happened and then next time, you will behave differently.
That's what it's all about.
Recovery is a time for learning and growing.
Learn from what happened and then next time, you will behave differently.
That's what it's all about.
True~ I only wish I hadn't read your sig! DOH!!!
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Soooo normal! Someone told me yesterday that we are "perfectionists", albeit alcoholics/addicts! We never reach "perfection" however and therefore we drink/use to acquit those feelings of imperfections. I am hard on myself! I want to be "good"; I want to be seemingly "normal"; I want to "act as if...". Well, it's just not gonna happen for me any time soon because my drinking career has altered my ability to just knowingly know how to do life and do it perfectly and seemingly normally.
My temp sponsor and I have talked about this stuff alot. I've been told through doing the steps and learning about me and getting down to the shi--- nitty will prompt change. I'm told to give "time" -- TIME and not to beat myself up in the process. Easier said than done but "rome wasn't built in a day" either.
Hang in there with me. I have 5 days today. I have scratched, hardly visibly, the surface -- You're putting a dent in it. Good for you. Stay connected. I need you!
Nicki:ghug3
My temp sponsor and I have talked about this stuff alot. I've been told through doing the steps and learning about me and getting down to the shi--- nitty will prompt change. I'm told to give "time" -- TIME and not to beat myself up in the process. Easier said than done but "rome wasn't built in a day" either.
Hang in there with me. I have 5 days today. I have scratched, hardly visibly, the surface -- You're putting a dent in it. Good for you. Stay connected. I need you!
Nicki:ghug3
Hannitized
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by nickishine
Soooo normal! Someone told me yesterday that we are "perfectionists", albeit alcoholics/addicts! We never reach "perfection" however and therefore we drink/use to acquit those feelings of imperfections. I am hard on myself! I want to be "good"; I want to be seemingly "normal"; I want to "act as if...". Well, it's just not gonna happen for me any time soon because my drinking career has altered my ability to just knowingly know how to do life and do it perfectly and seemingly normally.
My temp sponsor and I have talked about this stuff alot. I've been told through doing the steps and learning about me and getting down to the shi--- nitty will prompt change. I'm told to give "time" -- TIME and not to beat myself up in the process. Easier said than done but "rome wasn't built in a day" either.
Hang in there with me. I have 5 days today. I have scratched, hardly visibly, the surface -- You're putting a dent in it. Good for you. Stay connected. I need you!
Nicki:ghug3
My temp sponsor and I have talked about this stuff alot. I've been told through doing the steps and learning about me and getting down to the shi--- nitty will prompt change. I'm told to give "time" -- TIME and not to beat myself up in the process. Easier said than done but "rome wasn't built in a day" either.
Hang in there with me. I have 5 days today. I have scratched, hardly visibly, the surface -- You're putting a dent in it. Good for you. Stay connected. I need you!
Nicki:ghug3
Way to go on your five days!
And I need you too!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Sounds like you're on the right track. I think it says a lot that you cared enough to be concerned about it.
You are capturing the essence of recovery. You're on your way!
I do think it's normal. But take it easy on yourself. It's all about a learning process. You are doing your best. Let the rest go.
You are capturing the essence of recovery. You're on your way!
I do think it's normal. But take it easy on yourself. It's all about a learning process. You are doing your best. Let the rest go.
Hannitized
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Hope
Sounds like you're on the right track. I think it says a lot that you cared enough to be concerned about it.
You are capturing the essence of recovery. You're on your way!
I do think it's normal. But take it easy on yourself. It's all about a learning process. You are doing your best. Let the rest go.
You are capturing the essence of recovery. You're on your way!
I do think it's normal. But take it easy on yourself. It's all about a learning process. You are doing your best. Let the rest go.
It is a learning process...learning how to live, how to interact. It's also learning that, as much as I do not like it, not everyone is going to "like" me. What a revelation! I cannot change myself FOR other people. I just have to press on and keep doing the best I can...and pay attention to my manners.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Originally Posted by LibertyorDeath
Thank you.
It is a learning process...learning how to live, how to interact. It's also learning that, as much as I do not like it, not everyone is going to "like" me. What a revelation! I cannot change myself FOR other people. I just have to press on and keep doing the best I can...and pay attention to my manners.
It is a learning process...learning how to live, how to interact. It's also learning that, as much as I do not like it, not everyone is going to "like" me. What a revelation! I cannot change myself FOR other people. I just have to press on and keep doing the best I can...and pay attention to my manners.
Once you have apologized and cleaned up your side of the street, you can feel good that you did the right thing. Then if they don't accept the apology, it's something in them and is their problem.
As long as you are keeping your side of the street clean, you have no reason to feel bad.
Hannitized
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 353
Originally Posted by Hope
This is true for me as well! I totally know where you're coming from! It took a long time for me to (and I'm still accepting) that no everyone will like me. I found that I am less happy when I'm trying to run around people pleasing. I just do the best I can and if I make mistakes, I apologize and that is up to the person whether they want to accept the apology or not.
Once you have apologized and cleaned up your side of the street, you can feel good that you did the right thing. Then if they don't accept the apology, it's something in them and is their problem.
As long as you are keeping your side of the street clean, you have no reason to feel bad.
Once you have apologized and cleaned up your side of the street, you can feel good that you did the right thing. Then if they don't accept the apology, it's something in them and is their problem.
As long as you are keeping your side of the street clean, you have no reason to feel bad.
Thank you for understanding and for responding.
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