AH Going Backwards..............
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
AH Going Backwards..............
My AH at 45 had a full hip replacement. He has not worked for over 2 and 1/2 months with no pay. I have carried the load. He said he had been drinking so much and smoking weed to deal with the pain. He was going to turn a new leaf- no more weed- only drinking on the weekends.... lose weight...get back in the great shape he was in when we met 10 years ago.
WEL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Okay- I paid $5000 Out of Pocket insurance money - struggled to pay mortgage and college and cars and take care of teminally ill parents.....supported his recovery no matter how long it took.....was supportive...went to appointments... you name it I did it. If the hard work was to have my husband back ..who cares. Well- the surgery is done..... he has clean bill of health but now the back hurts..can't work.....drinking has picked back up...find beers thrown in laundry room...can see the anger building in his eyes from the drugs. I have tried to address it only to be called an unsupportive nag. I was told that I would get no sympathy for my dying parents as I give him none. He sits here now and spews hate at the tv, at my kids at me. Today the back doctor mistakingly forgot to call him back. He is our neighbor for god sake! I got home and after having the phone thrown at me.....I called them and they apologized and said he can come in now...He cursed and refused.. Nice. He chooses to be hurting all the time..we have had MRI's - blood tests you name it....He is fine besides being horribly depressed. I wished him good day yesterday and he said **** You! Who says that?
I am trying to stay positive and let him live with his choices. He lost his first wife and 3 daughters to this. He has little to do with the girls and they have suffered all in their own way. He spends no time with me or my boys- we try. He is in bed by 7 if he is not drinking. I told him I would spend no time with him while he is drinking or smoking and that leaves just that ..no time. He is so angry I have detached. I will not pay for the house and the cars and the boat so that slob can curse at me and spit at me and throw things in the yard. It is so upsetting . He called his folks to tell them I was mean to him and they enable him and actually called me on some things . I don't know what I want anyone to say--just how do we begin to think this is the way I live and it is what it is. ??????????????? I will not take him to my company Christmas party as God knows what he would say. I was just nominated for Realtor Rookie of the Year here and would be mortified if people really knew who I really am. I am gonna watch Dancing with the Stars.....I would love to dance..........my sons and I still have dance parties like when they were little..it makes us laugh...he tells us we are stupid.
c'est la vie!
WEL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Okay- I paid $5000 Out of Pocket insurance money - struggled to pay mortgage and college and cars and take care of teminally ill parents.....supported his recovery no matter how long it took.....was supportive...went to appointments... you name it I did it. If the hard work was to have my husband back ..who cares. Well- the surgery is done..... he has clean bill of health but now the back hurts..can't work.....drinking has picked back up...find beers thrown in laundry room...can see the anger building in his eyes from the drugs. I have tried to address it only to be called an unsupportive nag. I was told that I would get no sympathy for my dying parents as I give him none. He sits here now and spews hate at the tv, at my kids at me. Today the back doctor mistakingly forgot to call him back. He is our neighbor for god sake! I got home and after having the phone thrown at me.....I called them and they apologized and said he can come in now...He cursed and refused.. Nice. He chooses to be hurting all the time..we have had MRI's - blood tests you name it....He is fine besides being horribly depressed. I wished him good day yesterday and he said **** You! Who says that?
I am trying to stay positive and let him live with his choices. He lost his first wife and 3 daughters to this. He has little to do with the girls and they have suffered all in their own way. He spends no time with me or my boys- we try. He is in bed by 7 if he is not drinking. I told him I would spend no time with him while he is drinking or smoking and that leaves just that ..no time. He is so angry I have detached. I will not pay for the house and the cars and the boat so that slob can curse at me and spit at me and throw things in the yard. It is so upsetting . He called his folks to tell them I was mean to him and they enable him and actually called me on some things . I don't know what I want anyone to say--just how do we begin to think this is the way I live and it is what it is. ??????????????? I will not take him to my company Christmas party as God knows what he would say. I was just nominated for Realtor Rookie of the Year here and would be mortified if people really knew who I really am. I am gonna watch Dancing with the Stars.....I would love to dance..........my sons and I still have dance parties like when they were little..it makes us laugh...he tells us we are stupid.
c'est la vie!
Last edited by Redheadsusie; 11-25-2008 at 05:54 PM. Reason: misspelling
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My heart hurt reading this.
I got to a point with my EXAH that I was so damaged I thought that was the way I was supposed to live, that it was the only way to live. I honestly believed it was all I deserved.
What do you want for your life? What is within your power to do for yourself?
Today I can accept that I am not Superwoman, that I can't be all things to all people, that I can't handle any and all situations.
I got to a point with my EXAH that I was so damaged I thought that was the way I was supposed to live, that it was the only way to live. I honestly believed it was all I deserved.
What do you want for your life? What is within your power to do for yourself?
Today I can accept that I am not Superwoman, that I can't be all things to all people, that I can't handle any and all situations.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
(((redheadsusie)))......I understand. If nothing else, know that. I'm not doing it perfect (if there is such a thing). I keep moving forward, detaching, coping well.....then get sucked back in and find myself right where I started.
I understand the not wanting people to know. It's exhausting keeping the silence, isn't it? My kids daycare teases me that Mr. blessed4x doesn't really exist. They are joking, but they don't know how much it hurts. In the 7 years we've had kids there he hasn't been to pick them up or go to any of the family Christmas parties, carnivals, etc. I always made the excuse that he had to work late or whatever. The reality was that by pick-up time he's drinking.
People have told me I'll leave when the pain of staying becomes worse than the pain of leaving. Either way hurts. The only difference I can see in the outcome......for me (not everyone's situation) leaving is the best shot we have at truly being happy and whole again.
I understand the not wanting people to know. It's exhausting keeping the silence, isn't it? My kids daycare teases me that Mr. blessed4x doesn't really exist. They are joking, but they don't know how much it hurts. In the 7 years we've had kids there he hasn't been to pick them up or go to any of the family Christmas parties, carnivals, etc. I always made the excuse that he had to work late or whatever. The reality was that by pick-up time he's drinking.
People have told me I'll leave when the pain of staying becomes worse than the pain of leaving. Either way hurts. The only difference I can see in the outcome......for me (not everyone's situation) leaving is the best shot we have at truly being happy and whole again.
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