strongerwoman

members here respond to a post in an attacking way.

There are other ways to respond to someone you may not agree with.

And please remember, you don't know everything about anyone or any post here. Please don't respond while assuming you have all of the facts, you most likely don't. In any given situation there are many layers to what is being described. Everything is not all black or white.

I really think everyone here is doing the best they can in terrible, heartbreaking circumstances, and we all deserve kindness and support. A little kindness goes a long, long way. Lot's of us are pretty fragile around here and come here for a safe place to vent and learn.

Like my Grandma always told me "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."

denny57

What has worked for me is PMing someone to clarify. Most times when I post I'm responding to a situation or share, not the person.

Another thing I find useful is something I got from one of my early Al Anon friends:

Q-TIP (Quit Taking it Personally) I apply this even if I believe it was meant personally. It brings a lot of peace to my life.

I'm sure everyone in the courtroom during my divorce trial wondered what that Q-Tip was doing taped to my binder LOL!

strongerwoman

You taped it to your binder? Thats awesome! LOL.

I actually heard the Q-TIP saying about a week ago at work.
Since I work in a state psych hospital, we are usually bombarded with vile verbal and physical attacks from patients every single day. So, someone posted the Q-TIP slogan in the nurses station for us all.

freya

I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about Strongerwoman. Perhaps it might be helpful if you could give a (hypothetical) example of the kind of posting you are talking about??????

In my personal experience, I have rarely seen people on SR being deliberately hurtful.....which, of course, is not to say that people's feelings don't get hurt......but, for me I guess that's part of what I'm here to learn: how not to take things personally; how to step back, ascertain what is true and what really applies to me, and then to take what I need and leave the rest; and, most importantly, how to hear and accept (and even be grateful for) the truth, even if it's not what I want to hear.

I am certainly not trying to excuse meaness or hurtfulness for kicks (or even out of stupidity)....but I personally know that my own recovery depends on my willingness to hear the truth even when it is unwelcome and unpleasant....and anyone who really cares about me and my recovery will do me the favor and show me the respect of telling me the truth. (As for the issue of what people know or don't know about any given situation, if I post something to which I am looking for feedback, isn't it my responsibility to give people the relevant information they'll need to give me feedback that will be useful for me????)

...as for anyone who decides to be unnecessarily mean or play head games, power-games etc....well, a jerk is a jerk, and all I -- or anyone else -- needs to do in a situation like that is consider the source!

freya

strongerwoman

Nope, don't have a problem hearing and learning from the "hard truths" I may not want to hear. I actually totally welcome the truth, even when it is unwelcome and unpleasant. I am always looking for other ways to look at a situation, for other ways to learn.

I dont want to call anyone out and create more drama, its easy enough to find when it happens.
Just a general reminder that honey goes a lot further than vinegar.

hello-kitty

I love the QTIP. Thanks.

prodigal

I didn't respond to your post, although I read through it. Regardless of what people think or say on this board regarding your children ... well, they're YOUR kids, so you have to do what you feel is best.

I don't know if you've seen an attorney or gone to court at this point about his visitation. I know he has been drunk in front of your daughter before and it bothered her.

Have you pursued any avenues to perhaps get supervised visitation? It seems that his behavior affects her more than the others; at least that's what I've gotten from reading your posts.

I don't know to whom you are referring who has been insulting, irritating, or attacking. You can PM one of the mods on this board and report the post or posts to which you are referring. You can also hit the ignore button to block any individuals' posts you don't care to read. I don't know if it's working since the upgrade, but I assume it is.