DII

Seems like it's all falling apart! Since I told my AW I wanted a divorce she has been to detox once and she's upstairs now.....drunk and close to another detox....but claiming she has our younger son's cold! For christsakes.....does she really expect me to believe this! My older son came back from college for Thanksgiving break and my younger one has the week off from high school as well. I spoke to my counselor a lot this past Saturday about my boys and although I know they have been ill affected by the last 5 years of hell it really hit me that all this is really negatively affecting them no matter how I try and "make it better". I took the boys downtown today to get out of the house and the older one still feels bad for his Mom and the younger one got very upset when I said something negative about his Mom. I have enabled her for so long that they have learned to do it as well. She tears them apart but they can't bear to break themselves from the pain she causes. The older one is staying at his girlfriends house for the past two night and the younger one just wants to have a friend over or get out of the house as well. I guess I can't blame them.....I wouldn't want to be around either...too much pain and emotion. My counselor really encouraged me to get them to a counselor or Al-Anon. I have tried so many times but they don't want Al-Anon but the older one has been to counseling and the younger one has agreed to go on Wednesday. I know I have made some mistakes with the boys as well when I am stressed about their Mom but I am determined to get this divorce final and work on showing them and teaching them that they don't have to live in turmoil, pressure and pain forever. It starts with me doing what I need to do.

Thanks for listening...

camellion

I know this is a difficult tme for you. Youjust hang in there and keep coming back here for moral support. There are a lot of good people at this site.

coffeenut

Your job is to be there for your boys, as hard as that is going to be, you gotta be their rock.

Use SR as a sounding board, too. It really helps. Best wishes to you.

Rella927

Sorry that you are going through this right now....

It appears you know that you have allowed it to go on to long and
decided to make the right choice for you and your boys, so this is
a great and a start to it getting better!

Keep your feet planted on the ground and keeping doing what is right for you
and them! Nothing changes if nothing changes and it appears that nothing is
going to change-

It will get better in time and after placing more focus on what is important right now.
IMHO I would not bad mouth the childrens mother to them. She has a disease and learning more about it will give everyone a better understanding what is going on and
why.

Another suggestion is ACoA Adult Children of Alcoholic meetings- This maybe more informative for your sons at this point.

Please keep posting

Janie53

I feel your pain.

My husband is an alcoholic. I have one son 19 and another 25.
My husband was a binge drinker. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year but, would stay drunk for 4 days or more when he drank. His drinking wasn't the hard part. When he wasn't drinking he had a bad temper. I caught most of the verbal abuse.He would do nothing to upset the boys.
Long story short, I left home 3 months ago after his last binge. I am living in our RV at a campground. My husband takes no responsibility for anything. He says I'm the one who needs help.
My boys are not talking to me. The 25 yo lives about an hour away the 19 year old was still at home, graduatedHS and working. I tried to explain to the 19 y.o. that I couldn't live like this forever and that it wasn't helping his Dad for me to stay. They refuse counseling too. The hardest part is them not communicating with me. I don't have any family and now I know what it's like to be all alone

Taking5

Please explain what you mean by detox. You cannot be drunk and detox at the same time. Detox is not the same as DTs, which is what I am afraid you mean. Untreated DTs have about a 35% mortality rate. So please elaborate on what you mean by detox.

DII

Detox for my AW is where she gets to a point of her active drinking phase and her body begins to shut down. She will hang on until she can't keep anything down, headaches, doesn't eat, loses her balance, extremely dehydrated...etc. Someone, usually me or her Mom have to bring her to an alcohol treatment center or the ER so she can get IV's and medication to DETOX her. Medically assist her is cleansing her body.

loner1968

I don't get it...she's been to ER for this and she isn't in counseling or anything? did they try to set her up with something and she just didn't go or do they just detox her and send her on home?

ToughChoices

ER's tend to view alcohol detox as a medical problem - and treat it medically, not psychologically or spiritually. I've seen some patients receive suggestions/instructions to participate in AA, but I've never seen the ER staff negotiate any kind of outpatient counseling.

Hence, the need for multiple detoxes.

embraced2000

sounds exactly like what my xah would do.....he has been in multiple detox units, er's, half way homes, stress centers, hospitals, sober living homes.....you name it.

i used to have to call 911 for a ride to the hospital when he got critically ill from being dehydrated, detoxing, etc.

he used to try to wait it out, all the while still involving everyone in his dilema.

i finally decided i wasn't going to live with it anymore and have his possible death on my shoulders. i would have called 911 for anyone else that i came across that was in medical distress, so why not for my own husband?

once i decided to call 911 everytime he tried to detox at home and have everyone all upset and focused on him, i made my exit....stage left.

it was very hard to remove him from my life.....i so understand what you are saying.

i'm sorry that you have this in your life. like someone said....nothing changes if nothing changes. and the changes were in my court. it was up to me to make the changes needed for a better life for me and my family.

i'll keep you, your sons, and your wife in my prayers. it is so sad that a disease can make someone behave like this....causing so much hurt to everyone that loves them.

it just seems so crazy, doesn't it?

best of everything to you and your sons......and even for your wife. she is truly very sick. but please know that sadly, one cannot help them. all we can do is help ourselves.
jeri

Pam08

Very sorry for what you are going through....I went to a detox center and was just sent home...nice..I was drunk within a week. There are good ones and bad ones..
I am the alcoholic in my family, But I also have a very bad marraige, I take my responsiblilty for being a drunk, I drank to numb. Al-anon seems like very important, for you, maybe kids will follow your lead..I hope it works out whatever decision you make about your marriage. God Bless..

DII

Well, I had to call 911 for a well check tonight and they took her to the hospital. She was unwilling to admit she was drinking and just slept and got sick for two days. The paramedics came and I told them I suspected she was drinking mouthwash. At first they told me they couldn't take her unless she was a danger but after a brief time they took her in the ambulance. I followed to the hospital and luckily she had the same mental specialist there. We talked for an hour and they will be keeping her for a 72 hour hold. I think we will convince her to go back to an inpatient facility. She is claiming that the divorce, that I want, is depressing her and causing all this. I know it's tough on her but where do I go? I will not back down on the divorce but I have to do this! Meantime my 18 year old home from college spent the last two nights at his girlfriends house. Apparently her father is okay with him sleeping with her in her room in his house. He tells me tonight that he wants her to stay at our house and I tell him NO WAY. Her father might be okay with it but I'm not! What else!!!

steve11694

If a person comes in with alcohol intoxication/or DT's there are immediate extremely urgent things to do that can very well be lifesaving. Anyone acutely intoxicated, in DT's, or even recently intoxicated is simply not receptive to psychological or spiritual advice.

What the ED will do is admit and/or transfer to a detox facility ifr deemed appropriate. 12 steps, pschcology, and spirituality are fine but the alcohol needs to be removed first so normal mentation can process and benefit. The ED will also refer to an appropriate outpatient facility and/or addiction/rehab/social worker specialist.

maisie

DII you sound like an amazingly strong person, i hope to be where you are one day
i hope you find your answers, i'm pretty sure that right now i haven't got any, but my thoughts are with you xxx