what do i do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2
what do i do?
my boyfriend is an addict, i have been trying to get him out on his own, since he uses me for a home & stuff, well last night i think he may have actually hurt himself to try to make me feel sympathy for him. what do i do? I mean he was wearing a bandade on his head so i don't know if he did really hurt himself or not, but if he does have a cut or something i know this was self inflicted. Don't know what to do or where to turn..somehow the cops believe him no matter what he does. what can i do??
any advice is helpful
thanks
any advice is helpful
thanks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
What is your bf addicted to?
What is your backround with the relationship? Has he always used while you were together?
The only opinion really to give with the limited info is basically to leave him. It wont stop. He is an addict.
What is your backround with the relationship? Has he always used while you were together?
The only opinion really to give with the limited info is basically to leave him. It wont stop. He is an addict.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Sorry I always forget to say this....Welcome to SR.
Read and keep posting. you may not be in a position to leave but atleast educate yourself and know what you are up against. It is a long road any route you take...
Read and keep posting. you may not be in a position to leave but atleast educate yourself and know what you are up against. It is a long road any route you take...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Oh sweetie... take care of yourself. Please be safe. Change the locks, tell your family, go stay with friends if you need to. You took a big step by finding SR and looking for support. There are many wonderful people here who have been or are in the same place you are and we are here to help each other. Stay safe and keep coming back. Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2
To Cassandra, he is addicted to pills and weed.
The apartment is in my name but the local police dept. says they can't remove him because he does get mail here. they won't do anything until i have a mark on me that he hit me, cause even a threat it is his word against mine.
My hands feel tied!!
The apartment is in my name but the local police dept. says they can't remove him because he does get mail here. they won't do anything until i have a mark on me that he hit me, cause even a threat it is his word against mine.
My hands feel tied!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
If he's not paying rent, you should be able to get him out if the apartment is in your name.
Talk to someone higher up at the police department.
Also if he's doing something illegal - if he's an addict he might be bringing illegal substances into your home - then that should have bearing on whether they'll do something.
If the apartment is in your name only, there may be some way you can get your landlord to kick him out ... some landlords won't allow additional tenants without checking with them first ... might be a way out.
Talk to someone higher up at the police department.
Also if he's doing something illegal - if he's an addict he might be bringing illegal substances into your home - then that should have bearing on whether they'll do something.
If the apartment is in your name only, there may be some way you can get your landlord to kick him out ... some landlords won't allow additional tenants without checking with them first ... might be a way out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
I would start by changing the locks. I got that advice when I first came here and didnt take it because I just didnt believe that my ex was that bad. He too was addicted to percs and oxy's. But ya know he ended up coming into our home and taking things that he had no right to take. I changed the locks.
My ex was not on the lease either but I still was able to ask him to leave. Bottom line is it can be done. Trust me when I say the sooner you get him out the easier it will be for you.
My ex was not on the lease either but I still was able to ask him to leave. Bottom line is it can be done. Trust me when I say the sooner you get him out the easier it will be for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
I agree with everyone above. He's not paying the rent and the apartments in your name. Do you have any free legal services where you live. He can be ordered to leave if he won't nicely. Good luck hon and watch out for yourself. Your smart to want to end this relationship now. It will only get worse.....Hugs, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Welcome to SR
You may also want to contact your county chemical health department. They may know of some way also.
I also recommend changing the locks - AND - you may also want to not be there for a time. He might come by and he might be angry. So if he doesn't find you there for a while he'll stop looking for you there.
Do not wait for him to hurt you to get him out. You may also want to call the police if you know where he is sometime when he has drugs on him - but not at home or you'll be implicated. That way, you could get him arrested and that could have him tied up for a while.
One other thought, if his name is not on the lease, the only "proof" he has that he lives there is his mail and his possessions. Otherwise it's your word against his. So, change the locks, put all his stuff in his car or something and write "return to sender, no longer at this address" on all his mail. Then if the police show up step outside your door and lock it behind you and deny he lives there. The police cannot enter your apartment without a search warrant.
Once I tried to keep my niece's poodle becuase as an addict she was abusing the dog. She brought a police officer by and like an idiot I told the truth. Afterward, the police officer told me that dogs don't have fingerprints, so I could have lied and kept the dog.
So, the burden of proof would be on your boyfriend and without the ability to enter your apartment, all you need to do is be tough and keep a straight face.
Lastly, if he is "hurting himself" to stay there, then he's rational enough to be manipulative but not sick enough to really commit suicide. Don't fall for it.
It's sad that we all have to be this tough just to be safe and keep our rights.
And as someone mentioned earlier, a little legal help might be useful.
Prayers that you find a way out that works for you.
You may also want to contact your county chemical health department. They may know of some way also.
I also recommend changing the locks - AND - you may also want to not be there for a time. He might come by and he might be angry. So if he doesn't find you there for a while he'll stop looking for you there.
Do not wait for him to hurt you to get him out. You may also want to call the police if you know where he is sometime when he has drugs on him - but not at home or you'll be implicated. That way, you could get him arrested and that could have him tied up for a while.
One other thought, if his name is not on the lease, the only "proof" he has that he lives there is his mail and his possessions. Otherwise it's your word against his. So, change the locks, put all his stuff in his car or something and write "return to sender, no longer at this address" on all his mail. Then if the police show up step outside your door and lock it behind you and deny he lives there. The police cannot enter your apartment without a search warrant.
Once I tried to keep my niece's poodle becuase as an addict she was abusing the dog. She brought a police officer by and like an idiot I told the truth. Afterward, the police officer told me that dogs don't have fingerprints, so I could have lied and kept the dog.
So, the burden of proof would be on your boyfriend and without the ability to enter your apartment, all you need to do is be tough and keep a straight face.
Lastly, if he is "hurting himself" to stay there, then he's rational enough to be manipulative but not sick enough to really commit suicide. Don't fall for it.
It's sad that we all have to be this tough just to be safe and keep our rights.
And as someone mentioned earlier, a little legal help might be useful.
Prayers that you find a way out that works for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Have the locks on the door changed.
Cancel his mail. Just start writing "does not live here anymore" on all his mail.
If he hurt himself and the result is a bandaid, he's not really serious about it. Even if he was, do you think it's fair to stay in a relationship while being emotionally blackmailed?
Cancel his mail. Just start writing "does not live here anymore" on all his mail.
If he hurt himself and the result is a bandaid, he's not really serious about it. Even if he was, do you think it's fair to stay in a relationship while being emotionally blackmailed?
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Sorry for all your going throug and the whole thing about cant kicking him out cause thats his address too. Try calling your local court and see what u can do. My sister went through this too since it was his mailing address it was ""thechnically his residence too. But since everything is in your name what she had to do was fo file for a 30 day eviction notice. Here in NY its illegal to lock someone out of there place to live. get it notaried and then send it priority male where he has to sign for the letter so he cant say u never gave him the propor notice. Even landlords have to serve a 30 day letter in order to evict people.
I have a felling in you lock him out and all his stuff there you will have to let him in. crappy law but thats the way it is. changes state to state call you housing authority, the town clerk and they will tell you the laws so they are carried out the right way with no loop holes and if the cops are there they will make him pack and leave. Hope this helps some you deserve so much more that him. Let us know how it goes!!! Kim
I have a felling in you lock him out and all his stuff there you will have to let him in. crappy law but thats the way it is. changes state to state call you housing authority, the town clerk and they will tell you the laws so they are carried out the right way with no loop holes and if the cops are there they will make him pack and leave. Hope this helps some you deserve so much more that him. Let us know how it goes!!! Kim
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Do whatever you can to protect yourself. Yrs ago my son would threaten to kill himself when he didn't get his own way. He told me just the other day he stopped doing that cuz I started telling him to go ahead then you'll be dead & we even laughed about it.
You must be so tough when dealing with a drug addict. There is no other way. They will take you to hell with them if you let them. They don't care about themselves so how can they care about anyone else.
You are young evidently & not married to him so my advice is the same as everyone else's save yourself You cannot save anyone else no matter how much you love them.
You must be so tough when dealing with a drug addict. There is no other way. They will take you to hell with them if you let them. They don't care about themselves so how can they care about anyone else.
You are young evidently & not married to him so my advice is the same as everyone else's save yourself You cannot save anyone else no matter how much you love them.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
