Fourty seven days......(a codie ramble)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Fourty seven days......(a codie ramble)
Since I've left Alabama. I'm now fourty-seven days rounder with child.....
I know that I'm here, in New York....seven states away with my father. I'm safe, fed, warm, loved, protected.
And I miss him.
I want to go back----but I know that will take atleast six months. I have no money, no car....and a baby on the way, due in 8 days.
I wonder if he has it in him---to get on that road to recovery. To be the partner that I need him to be. That we need him to be.
We have nothing but time to wait it out.
He doesn't seem to get that it is going to take more than him just having two jobs. I know it is important to establish boundaries....but part of me feels like I shouldn't have to tell him the things he needs to do to get us back. Any responsible adult should know that I can't bring a baby back to a situacion with a lack of stability financially. I need for him to take care of himself, before he can ever take care of me, let alone his daughter.
And what of his son? I know that he is behind in child support.
I keep trying to remind myself that I have no decisions to make now. I just have to have a baby in 8 days....everything else will work its way out.
It might mean we just have to let him go.
I just want to be me...and not the me that he created. I want to be the me that has a drive to succeed in life, to make payments on time, the woman that remembers birthdays and dresses the way she wants---wears her hair the way she wants.
Why is it that I miss being controlled? Manipulated? Why is it that he picks now to be "just thinking about us?"
Why is it that I feel like a fool for having hope? Why is it so hard to trust, that maybe something has actually changed? Maybe he's actually trying?
I know that I'm here, in New York....seven states away with my father. I'm safe, fed, warm, loved, protected.
And I miss him.
I want to go back----but I know that will take atleast six months. I have no money, no car....and a baby on the way, due in 8 days.
I wonder if he has it in him---to get on that road to recovery. To be the partner that I need him to be. That we need him to be.
We have nothing but time to wait it out.
He doesn't seem to get that it is going to take more than him just having two jobs. I know it is important to establish boundaries....but part of me feels like I shouldn't have to tell him the things he needs to do to get us back. Any responsible adult should know that I can't bring a baby back to a situacion with a lack of stability financially. I need for him to take care of himself, before he can ever take care of me, let alone his daughter.
And what of his son? I know that he is behind in child support.
I keep trying to remind myself that I have no decisions to make now. I just have to have a baby in 8 days....everything else will work its way out.
It might mean we just have to let him go.
I just want to be me...and not the me that he created. I want to be the me that has a drive to succeed in life, to make payments on time, the woman that remembers birthdays and dresses the way she wants---wears her hair the way she wants.
Why is it that I miss being controlled? Manipulated? Why is it that he picks now to be "just thinking about us?"
Why is it that I feel like a fool for having hope? Why is it so hard to trust, that maybe something has actually changed? Maybe he's actually trying?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hey, K, happy almost-baby-day.
Can't wait for you to introduce her to us.
So, this new little girl of all of ours (
)
......what would be her list of the minimum proof of "trying" that she would accept before she'd be willing to have him around, influencing her life's path?
And what are her dealbreakers?
What kind of father will help shape her into a strong, kind, beautiful person?
Is he that father? Can he ever be, or is he -- alcohol or not -- not the kind of person you'd NOW choose, if you met him tomorrow, to raise your kid?
Hugs to you - keep us posted, hey?
GL
Can't wait for you to introduce her to us.
So, this new little girl of all of ours (
) ......what would be her list of the minimum proof of "trying" that she would accept before she'd be willing to have him around, influencing her life's path?
And what are her dealbreakers?
What kind of father will help shape her into a strong, kind, beautiful person?
Is he that father? Can he ever be, or is he -- alcohol or not -- not the kind of person you'd NOW choose, if you met him tomorrow, to raise your kid?
Hugs to you - keep us posted, hey?
GL
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
GL,
Once again, you are awesome. How did you get so awesome??? LOL. How big is your head now?
You know, I know that once I have that baby, all of those thoughts were going to come flooding through my brain......but it is good to have a head start. Right now, I'm mostly selfish and just think about what I want.
(I'm sure no one cares to read about this, and for that reason you can just skip this post all together. It is therapeutic for me however....especially right at this moment for some reason to get this out of me!)
Here's what I want:
* A man with drive in life to get ahead.
*A man that holds a stable job, and will do so for as long as it takes to ensure stability for those he loves.
*A man that tries to be a law abiding citizen.
*A man with goals.
*A man that like to have a good time, but knows when he's "had enough"
*A man that helps around the house at times without having to be asked.
*A man who is thoughtful, asks about my day.
*A man that answers his phone.
*A man that doesn't think he deserves to be able to disappear, sometimes for days at a time to "get away from the world"
*A man that loves his children....jumps out of bed on days he gets to see them, makes them breakfast, pays attention to them. Doesn't treat fatherhood as a matter of convenience.
* A man that takes responsibility for his own actions.
*A man that accepts me for who I am and encourages who I want to be. A man that doesn't try to mold me into someone from his past.
*A man that understands I will more than likely always speak my mind; that I'm not a quiet woman, and telling me to hold my tongue will most likely just make his predicament worse.
That baby girls list will most likely be a lot longer, huh?
Thanks again, GL......I needed that. Cleared out a few cobwebs this afternoon.....
xoxoxo
K
Once again, you are awesome. How did you get so awesome??? LOL. How big is your head now?
You know, I know that once I have that baby, all of those thoughts were going to come flooding through my brain......but it is good to have a head start. Right now, I'm mostly selfish and just think about what I want.
(I'm sure no one cares to read about this, and for that reason you can just skip this post all together. It is therapeutic for me however....especially right at this moment for some reason to get this out of me!)
Here's what I want:
* A man with drive in life to get ahead.
*A man that holds a stable job, and will do so for as long as it takes to ensure stability for those he loves.
*A man that tries to be a law abiding citizen.
*A man with goals.
*A man that like to have a good time, but knows when he's "had enough"
*A man that helps around the house at times without having to be asked.
*A man who is thoughtful, asks about my day.
*A man that answers his phone.
*A man that doesn't think he deserves to be able to disappear, sometimes for days at a time to "get away from the world"
*A man that loves his children....jumps out of bed on days he gets to see them, makes them breakfast, pays attention to them. Doesn't treat fatherhood as a matter of convenience.
* A man that takes responsibility for his own actions.
*A man that accepts me for who I am and encourages who I want to be. A man that doesn't try to mold me into someone from his past.
*A man that understands I will more than likely always speak my mind; that I'm not a quiet woman, and telling me to hold my tongue will most likely just make his predicament worse.
That baby girls list will most likely be a lot longer, huh?
Thanks again, GL......I needed that. Cleared out a few cobwebs this afternoon.....
xoxoxo
K
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
Hey, K, happy almost-baby-day.
Can't wait for you to introduce her to us.
So, this new little girl of all of ours ( )
......what would be her list of the minimum proof of "trying" that she would accept before she'd be willing to have him around, influencing her life's path?
And what are her dealbreakers?
What kind of father will help shape her into a strong, kind, beautiful person?
Is he that father? Can he ever be, or is he -- alcohol or not -- not the kind of person you'd NOW choose, if you met him tomorrow, to raise your kid?
Hugs to you - keep us posted, hey?
GL
Can't wait for you to introduce her to us.
So, this new little girl of all of ours (
) ......what would be her list of the minimum proof of "trying" that she would accept before she'd be willing to have him around, influencing her life's path?
And what are her dealbreakers?
What kind of father will help shape her into a strong, kind, beautiful person?
Is he that father? Can he ever be, or is he -- alcohol or not -- not the kind of person you'd NOW choose, if you met him tomorrow, to raise your kid?
Hugs to you - keep us posted, hey?
GL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
all i can say is to just focus on the baby and let him do his thing, i find if my xah bothers me then it just stresses me out and gets in the way of taking care of my baby and i learned the hard way my baby is better off without his father
good luck with the delivery, are you having it natural or c-section? Cant wait to see a picture!
good luck with the delivery, are you having it natural or c-section? Cant wait to see a picture!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
They exist, truly. I have a brother like that, a husband, and two great guy friends who all fit that description almost perfectly. There's hope!
K, you and babykid are going to be a heck of a team. 7 more days?
K, you and babykid are going to be a heck of a team. 7 more days?
Last edited by GiveLove; 11-23-2008 at 12:24 PM. Reason: had to go get large crane to hold up enormous head :)
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by GiveLove
They exist, truly. I have a brother like that, a husband, and two great guy friends who all fit that description almost perfectly. There's hope!
Too bad you can't clone the guys that you are speaking of and put em on EBAY......you could make millions!
Have a Happy Sunday!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 119
GL,
Right on! The world does need more good healthy relationships.....and it wouldn't hurt if some good chocolate were to be thrown in there every once in a while also! But for today, it is a beautiful day here in Denver and I'm headed out to the park for a walk.
Happy Sunday to all!
Right on! The world does need more good healthy relationships.....and it wouldn't hurt if some good chocolate were to be thrown in there every once in a while also! But for today, it is a beautiful day here in Denver and I'm headed out to the park for a walk.
Happy Sunday to all!
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