Stubborn1

I get lost on this one. When he was an active alcoholic it was easy after some time to let go. It's always an easy suggestion to say let go and let God. But sometimes I wonder if it's just quitting and not dealing with an issue. If anyone lets go long enough does it really just fade away? I get confused with the al-anon saying "do things for yourself" then AA saying "think of others".
I'm not sure when I am supposed to tackle a problem, walk away from it, give it up to a entity I can't see. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
Is it just me or does this stuff just seem to form one big pile of mess that I don't know how to sort out?
I just want to throw my hands up.

My mother had a saying "I don't know rather to shat, run or go blind" and I'm there with so many things.
I have a person who may be my sponsor but I feel like it will burden someone else. It's not pride. A sponsor just feels like another thing on my plate. Is this normal?

coyote21

I have a person who may be my sponsor but I feel like it will burden someone else. It's not pride. A sponsor just feels like another thing on my plate. Is this normal?

I have a perfectly good sponsor that I NEVER call. I'm working on that myself, I believe for me it has to do with burdening someone else AND having to ask for help. I hate asking for help, I've only done it a handful of times in almost 3 years in Alanon. And only when my back was against the wall and Alcoholism had literally brought me to my knees, but the people have fallen over themselves to try to help me when I have asked. Could it just be me? Duh!

With regard to the ability to detach, the difference I see in your situation isn't so much that he's finally sober, it's that he is under your roof. That was the determining factor in my ability to detach. I've seen lots of people here and f2f that could live quite nicely w/addicts and detach, they were much stronger than me.

This is hard isn't it?

Thanks and God bless us all, :praying
Coyote

P.S. I've heard it said MANY times that the sponsor gets more out of the deal than the sponsee.

GiveLove

I can't tell from your post which person you think the burden is.
A sponsor's job is to help you stay on track with YOUR recovery from all this. He/she wouldn't agree to do it if it were too much of a burden. Or is it that YOU don't have time for it? I'm not clear on that.

blessed4x

Obviously I don't know you, other than what I have read in your previous posts. I picture you as a very feisty, independent gal who can take care of business. Don't take this the wrong way, but your last couple posts are concerning. If you go back and read you will see that when your AH first came home you had the "honeymoon period", but things seemed to have spiraled downward for you pretty rapidly.

Before he moved in with you, you seemed very strong and determined.....take a look how it has changed. I also can tell from all of your posts that your children are your #1 priority, and is this what's best for them? Only you can answer that. Maybe you are letting off steam, and this is just a bump in the road, or maybe it's a sign of something more damaging.

:ghug3

Stubborn1

I don't know.......*pulling hair out*


I don't know what normal is anymore.

Still Waters

Oh how well I know that feeling. Stubborn, I mentioned Oxford houses in the other thread. If you have one nearby that has an opening, and if he would agree to go, it would give you some space and some time. He gets to work on him, you get to breathe and work on the family, with agreed upon times for you all to be together.

Just a suggestion, hope that helps.

Ago

I am a terrifying sponsee

I call, rant rave poop yell cry pontificate then maybe, just maybe I listen

My sponsee always says thank you

I never understood until I started sponsoring

this lil version of me calls rants raves yells crys and pontificates, then maybe listens

It's always a lil mini me on the other end of the line

the stuff that comes out of my mouth is always what people have been telling me and it's always applicable to me, it's "how it works"

I feel good after I call my sponsor

I feel great after my sponsees call me

I have never talked to a sponsor and not had them tell me "thank you, I needed to hear that" no matter how full of sh1T I was

I have never heard a sponsee call and not behave exactly like I had in the past (could be five minutes ago even) or was about to, many times the sponsees call saves me from slipping back into that behavior or points out my own behavior to me with theirs

It's a "God" thing

It's How it works, it really is

it worked for me