I don't drink any more... I don't drink any less, either.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 1
I don't drink any more... I don't drink any less, either.
Hello, my name is Dennis. I stumbled across this site while looking for some general tips regarding alcoholism. So far I've found some good inspiration here and I hope to keep coming back for more.
I don't really want to quit drinking. I like it a lot, and I always have. I still like it. However, I've been acknowledging a lot of things lately that are linked to my drinking and I'm not quite sure what to do.
I had my first drink when I was 13, under parental supervision. After that I took whatever opportunity I could to drink, but I never really sought it out. At the time I didn't smoke tobacco or cannabis. I suppose the pivotal moment of my drinking occurred on my 21st birthday; when I could buy beer & booze whenever I wanted to. Since then, I've had a drink pretty much every day; whether it be one beer or as many as I could suck down. There was a time where I quit for two weeks, and it wasn't really that difficult. But aside from that, I've been pretty consistent.
I've had a hard time addressing my drinking primarily because I've never lost a job, acted in anger, lost a wife or kid, gotten arrested; none of the typical things you hear about. I don't ever really need a drink, but I don't ever turn one down either. Hell, I've even been pulled over for going 120 mph on the highway after a few pints of really strong beer, but somehow I managed to elude a DUI.
It's not too difficult for me to turn down a drink, but once I get going, there's usually no end to it. My drug of choice is primarily beer, but having liquor around makes things even worse. I guess there's something not right about drinking beer after beer while taking swigs straight out of a bottle with little or no restraint. During the last few vacations I took, my binge drinking was at its worst. Flying home, the last thing I wanted was a beer; but I stopped at the airport bar and had one anyway, skipping a meal as well. There's simply no restraint.
Most of all, I've noticed my personal relationships suffering. With all due modesty, my friends and family really look up to me, yet I feel like a piece of garbage whenever I say or do something stupid around them while under the influence. I wonder if they keep track of how much I'm drinking when we spend time together. Everybody knows that I like to drink and keep a relatively level head, but no one really says anything to me when/if I get out of line. I suppose that not knowing what they truly think of my drinking is what hurts the most.
Alcoholism does run in my family, and although my dad used to have drinking habits like mine, he does have a beer from time to time now and seems to have a pretty good handle on it. Rather than quitting altogether, that would be my ideal situation. However, one is never enough with me.
Realistically, this post is the first step I've taken to addressing my drinking problem. Before I decide on a plan of action, I'll need to first speak with a psychiatrist to deal with a lot of the issues I have- something I've always resented and avoided. More often than not, my drinking is fueled by whatever it is inside me that I want to suppress, and I suppose that it's all finally coming to a head.
I sincerely thank whomever is reading this, and I hope to be back soon with a positive update. For those of you who have quit, I admire your strength and hope to be able to develop that strength for myself over time.
I don't really want to quit drinking. I like it a lot, and I always have. I still like it. However, I've been acknowledging a lot of things lately that are linked to my drinking and I'm not quite sure what to do.
I had my first drink when I was 13, under parental supervision. After that I took whatever opportunity I could to drink, but I never really sought it out. At the time I didn't smoke tobacco or cannabis. I suppose the pivotal moment of my drinking occurred on my 21st birthday; when I could buy beer & booze whenever I wanted to. Since then, I've had a drink pretty much every day; whether it be one beer or as many as I could suck down. There was a time where I quit for two weeks, and it wasn't really that difficult. But aside from that, I've been pretty consistent.
I've had a hard time addressing my drinking primarily because I've never lost a job, acted in anger, lost a wife or kid, gotten arrested; none of the typical things you hear about. I don't ever really need a drink, but I don't ever turn one down either. Hell, I've even been pulled over for going 120 mph on the highway after a few pints of really strong beer, but somehow I managed to elude a DUI.
It's not too difficult for me to turn down a drink, but once I get going, there's usually no end to it. My drug of choice is primarily beer, but having liquor around makes things even worse. I guess there's something not right about drinking beer after beer while taking swigs straight out of a bottle with little or no restraint. During the last few vacations I took, my binge drinking was at its worst. Flying home, the last thing I wanted was a beer; but I stopped at the airport bar and had one anyway, skipping a meal as well. There's simply no restraint.
Most of all, I've noticed my personal relationships suffering. With all due modesty, my friends and family really look up to me, yet I feel like a piece of garbage whenever I say or do something stupid around them while under the influence. I wonder if they keep track of how much I'm drinking when we spend time together. Everybody knows that I like to drink and keep a relatively level head, but no one really says anything to me when/if I get out of line. I suppose that not knowing what they truly think of my drinking is what hurts the most.
Alcoholism does run in my family, and although my dad used to have drinking habits like mine, he does have a beer from time to time now and seems to have a pretty good handle on it. Rather than quitting altogether, that would be my ideal situation. However, one is never enough with me.
Realistically, this post is the first step I've taken to addressing my drinking problem. Before I decide on a plan of action, I'll need to first speak with a psychiatrist to deal with a lot of the issues I have- something I've always resented and avoided. More often than not, my drinking is fueled by whatever it is inside me that I want to suppress, and I suppose that it's all finally coming to a head.
I sincerely thank whomever is reading this, and I hope to be back soon with a positive update. For those of you who have quit, I admire your strength and hope to be able to develop that strength for myself over time.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi and Welcome!
I believe that alcoholism is a symptom. I know that is true for me. I was searching for something to numb the feelings that I didn't want to deal with.
I didn't want to stop drinking either. I hated the thought and believed that if I just tried hard enough, I could manage my drinking. I wasted at least a year. Oh sometimes I could control things, but never for very long, and I found that my drinking gradually got worse. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
I hope that you can manage your drinking.
But, if not, we are here to offer information and support.
I believe that alcoholism is a symptom. I know that is true for me. I was searching for something to numb the feelings that I didn't want to deal with.
I didn't want to stop drinking either. I hated the thought and believed that if I just tried hard enough, I could manage my drinking. I wasted at least a year. Oh sometimes I could control things, but never for very long, and I found that my drinking gradually got worse. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
I hope that you can manage your drinking.
But, if not, we are here to offer information and support.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Hello Dennis, and welcome to SR! I've been on these forums for a couple years now, and every once in awhile a newcomer shares a story that's uncannily similar to mine. That's helped keep me sober for almost 4 years, it reminds me that I'm not all that different from anyone else in recovery.
I started drinking at 14, became a daily drinker at 16 while working at a Mexican restaurant in Phoenix. Over the next 25 years I had a lot of fun drinking, but trust me when I tell you that there was nothing fun about the last year or two.
Like you, I never had a DUI or ended up in jail or hospitalized as a result of my drinking. I was also pulled over for minor traffic violations quite a few times and was never given a sobriety test in spite of being pretty sh*tfaced. But those are what we call "yets". They were just things that hadn't happened "yet". Gradually my relationships did start to fail. I went through two divorces and eventually gave away a beautiful home and the relationship that I cherished with my children. My alcoholism progressed rapidly, when my life came crashing down around me most of what I held near and dear was teetering on the brink if you know what I mean.
It's not too late for you to make some good choices about your future and to reach out for help and support. If you'd ever consider trying AA this is where I and many others have found a home and family in recovery in the Phoenix area North Scottsdale Fellowship Club - Home-Home The 6:00 PM meeting Mon.-Sat. is a pretty cool experience, it's always a shock to newcomers to see so many alcoholics laughing and having a great time together while working on our recovery. I hope you'll join us for a meeting sometime.
I started drinking at 14, became a daily drinker at 16 while working at a Mexican restaurant in Phoenix. Over the next 25 years I had a lot of fun drinking, but trust me when I tell you that there was nothing fun about the last year or two.
Like you, I never had a DUI or ended up in jail or hospitalized as a result of my drinking. I was also pulled over for minor traffic violations quite a few times and was never given a sobriety test in spite of being pretty sh*tfaced. But those are what we call "yets". They were just things that hadn't happened "yet". Gradually my relationships did start to fail. I went through two divorces and eventually gave away a beautiful home and the relationship that I cherished with my children. My alcoholism progressed rapidly, when my life came crashing down around me most of what I held near and dear was teetering on the brink if you know what I mean.
It's not too late for you to make some good choices about your future and to reach out for help and support. If you'd ever consider trying AA this is where I and many others have found a home and family in recovery in the Phoenix area North Scottsdale Fellowship Club - Home-Home The 6:00 PM meeting Mon.-Sat. is a pretty cool experience, it's always a shock to newcomers to see so many alcoholics laughing and having a great time together while working on our recovery. I hope you'll join us for a meeting sometime.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7
I agree with Anna, drinking is a symptom of some sort of mental illness and/or supression.
I relate to your story Dr Clock, on many levels. I am the youngest of 8 children with a 14 year difference between me and the oldest so I was very sheltered by my 5 older brothers (very hard to get a date when I was young..lol) and they never confronted me about my drinking, they just enabled me. I always had nice clothes, cars, etc, so I was never at a finiancial bottom. I was so misrable with myself and drinking, I asked my brother for help and he told me that everyone knew but were too scared to say anything because they didnt want me to be ashamed or get mad at them and not speak to them. Do you think that your family is doing the same? Something for you to think about. My brothers told me that it was terribly painful to watch me. Funny thing is that for years (before it progressed) I though I was happy, having fun, great life, wonderful job but looking back, I was very depressed, ashamed, full of guilt and hurt from past issues.
I really hope that if you are an alcoholic, that you get help for YOU. You are worth it!
I wish you the best. Desiree
I relate to your story Dr Clock, on many levels. I am the youngest of 8 children with a 14 year difference between me and the oldest so I was very sheltered by my 5 older brothers (very hard to get a date when I was young..lol) and they never confronted me about my drinking, they just enabled me. I always had nice clothes, cars, etc, so I was never at a finiancial bottom. I was so misrable with myself and drinking, I asked my brother for help and he told me that everyone knew but were too scared to say anything because they didnt want me to be ashamed or get mad at them and not speak to them. Do you think that your family is doing the same? Something for you to think about. My brothers told me that it was terribly painful to watch me. Funny thing is that for years (before it progressed) I though I was happy, having fun, great life, wonderful job but looking back, I was very depressed, ashamed, full of guilt and hurt from past issues.
I really hope that if you are an alcoholic, that you get help for YOU. You are worth it!
I wish you the best. Desiree
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
Welcome to SR. I can relate to the never losing a job, not ever getting a dui even if I was pulled over..might get a speeding ticket, that was it....for years i handled it..but that came to an end..what used to be my friend..was now trying to kill me....it has taken a toll on my health and my mind. I drank at first to be more outgoing...out partying with friends.etc..then I grew to find it would numb me..the hurt, pain,,,,then it took over my mind and soul ....and my life became just about unliveable. I was scared for my life this past relapse....so here I am , doing everything in my power to stay sober...including this forum and AA...I am stayinig above water with the combination...I hope your life doesn't take the turn like mine has. Remember, an alcoholic can never have just one, and if itis causing problems there is a reason. Take care and good luck whatever you decide.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 413
Glad you're here, Dennis. I really identify with "feeling like a piece of garbage" for letting people down. Sometimes I drank even more because I felt guilty and ashamed. But my drinking was bad enough that I had to stop alcohol completely. AA helped me to work though the issues that I used to drink over, and I feel better now.
Good luck, I hope things work out well with you. I'll bet the psychiatrist can help -- and there's also lots of support here too.
Good luck, I hope things work out well with you. I'll bet the psychiatrist can help -- and there's also lots of support here too.
Practice Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
Even if you don't hit your wife, get dui, do crazy stuff, serving sizes that large in alcohol is bad for you and can kill you in the long run. Your story sounds like mine. The only difference is at first you say I just want to cut back I don't want to quit, then you say you want to quit, then you learn you can't quit forever. Good luck lots of awesome people on here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I am different than you in one respect: I knew at a certain point that my drinking was out of control and was causing problems on many levels. I knew almost a year ago that I had to quit drinking but it took me until July this year before I was able to really stop. I've never looked back with regret tho cause I'd tried so many times to moderate my drinking and was never able to do that.
Try going to an 'open' meeting of AA and see what you think after sitting thru a few meetings. (don't base your opinion on just one or two meetings as each meeting is different, tho all are for the alcoholic still suffering) For me it wasn't what I drank or how much or how often, it was what happened to me after that first drink.
If alcohol is causing problems, no matter how small, then maybe you'd be better off without it. Try to moderate your drinking for two weeks. If you can do that without problems and without thinking about it a lot then maybe you don't have to give it up. But look long and hard at your life with alcohol and decide if you'd be better off without it. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
Welcome to a wonderful site for support and suggestions.
Try going to an 'open' meeting of AA and see what you think after sitting thru a few meetings. (don't base your opinion on just one or two meetings as each meeting is different, tho all are for the alcoholic still suffering) For me it wasn't what I drank or how much or how often, it was what happened to me after that first drink.
If alcohol is causing problems, no matter how small, then maybe you'd be better off without it. Try to moderate your drinking for two weeks. If you can do that without problems and without thinking about it a lot then maybe you don't have to give it up. But look long and hard at your life with alcohol and decide if you'd be better off without it. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
Welcome to a wonderful site for support and suggestions.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome...
You may have missed this Time article on addiction
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...640436,00.html
Good to see a new member
You may have missed this Time article on addiction
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...640436,00.html
Good to see a new member
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