I am Amazed

Old 11-18-2008, 05:33 PM
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I am Amazed

Exabf has been in rehab for the last week now. I am amazed by that.

I am amazed that he went when he said he was going to go. However what really amazes me is that up until last night he had gone no contact. I was amazed by that. But everything he has turned into over the last year amazes me. He attempted to call last night but I didnt answer. I just didnt want to argue with him. I felt guilty about it for awhile but it boiled down to not wanting to fight with him. Not wanting to hear the bs.

I am thinking that maybe he is still showing addict behavior because he hasnt even tried to contact the kids. Especially everything that he has put them through.

I guess its still to early to tell. I wish him health and sobriety and hope that all of you here will pray for him...

Thanks
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:43 PM
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When my 1st husband went into rehab, the doctors and therapists told me that the "addictive" behaviour would not be gone overnight. In fact, they told me ONE year before I would see much of a change. And unless they work a program...you still have an addict..minus the drug. The drugs are not out of our system for quite some time. My ex didn't seem to make any sense until he had 6 months. It was about that time he seemed to come out of the fog. And if your ex is working a program and is serious about recovery, they usually don't contact you. I'd be glad if he didn't. That would me he was working on himself.
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackrose56 View Post
And if your ex is working a program and is serious about recovery, they usually don't contact you. I'd be glad if he didn't. That would me he was working on himself.
I wondered about that and just dismissed it as quickly as it came into thought. I kept thinking that he should be wanting to talk to the kids and kinda mend fences so to speak. I just pray that he is really working on himself and understanding that if he doesnt fix what is broken it will keep happening in his life.

I have been reading the NA 12 steps and I really hope that they are diving deep into this with him in the program. Never been to rehab so I dont really know what happens there.

He has been going everyday. I know he is determined because he is having his mother drive him each day. They have had issues and he really hates to ask her for anything. So that shows alot there.

Just taking it one day at a time and praying for him to be well.
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:57 PM
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I guess its still to early to tell. I wish him health and sobriety and hope that all of you here will pray for him...
I'm glad you found out he's there Cassandra.

Hoping for the best,
NH7
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Old 11-18-2008, 06:08 PM
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Been to rehab. In patient and out-patient. And the twelve steps. He is a long way from making amends. And in my ex-husband's case..he never made amends, even though he had 8 years sober before he relapsed again. Don't EXPECT anything. When I was in rehab we work on steps 1-4. We had to do our inventory. And that was as far as it went. Since I've only been back a short time, I don't know...do you go to meetings for yourself?? It is very important for you to go to meetings now. In most rehabs they have some sort of "family" program. Even if you and he aren't together, you have children and those areas need to be addressed.
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Old 11-18-2008, 06:14 PM
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I am working on myself and taking care of my kids. Havent gone to meetings yet. Not sure if I will. I find alot of support here. And in all reality this is a break up and I will lick my wounds for awhile and move on. I want what is best for him because of the kids.

I tried and did the best I could and sometimes I have doubts or a case of the coulda shoulda woulda's but when all is said and done I couldnt work out a relationship by myself because he was addicted to his pills. I have come to accept that its over between us. I love him and I know that he loves me but love just isnt enough.

I wish I could say that after he has been clean for awhile we could try to rebuild our family but at this point in time I am not sure if that is possible. I go back and forth some days thinking that we will get back together and be a stronger family but really I cant allow myself to think that because I dont want to feel that heartache all over again.

A good friend says that if it was good before and drugs wrecked it the relationship can be salvaged. I dont want to hang my heart on maybe or we will see.....
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Old 11-18-2008, 06:59 PM
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I used this forum as a great means of support while my daughter was active in her addiction. Once she got clean and came home, I started going to Ala-anon meetings. I found that I really needed the face to face support more with her in recovery than I did when she was using. It is really hard dealing with a recovering addict. My daughter still has so many addict behaviors left. Right now it is so important that I keep the focus on me and let her deal with her own issues. Going to meetings might help you to learn why you picked an addict in the first place. It definitely won't hurt. Hugs, Marle
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Old 11-18-2008, 07:12 PM
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Kind of what I was getting at. If you have children together and he wants to be a part of their lives, you will be dealing with an addict (recovering or using) for a long time. And Alanon helps SO much. My 1st husband was sober 8 years and we both went to meetings 3 times a week. I met a woman in Alanon who's alcoholic had died 4 years prior. She went on to marry a man who never drank, yet she still went to meetings because she had been affected by alcoholism. And like Marle said, it might help you discover why you were attracted to an addict in the first place. I know it also has helped me as my children grew up and I began to see "addict" behavior in both of them long before they touched a drink or drug. And they have both started to go down that path, but with the help of Alanon and AA and being a part of those programs for SO long, I knew the "best" way to handle it when they decided to try that life.
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Old 11-18-2008, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by cassandra2 View Post
Exabf has been in rehab for the last week now. I am amazed by that.

I am amazed that he went when he said he was going to go. However what really amazes me is that up until last night he had gone no contact. I was amazed by that. But everything he has turned into over the last year amazes me. He attempted to call last night but I didnt answer. I just didnt want to argue with him. I felt guilty about it for awhile but it boiled down to not wanting to fight with him. Not wanting to hear the bs.

I am thinking that maybe he is still showing addict behavior because he hasnt even tried to contact the kids. Especially everything that he has put them through.

I guess its still to early to tell. I wish him health and sobriety and hope that all of you here will pray for him...

Thanks
Toby Rice Drews has some excellent books on the subjects of addiction and codependency, and she makes a statement, IIRC, that it takes at least 6 months for the fog in the addicts brain to lift, so I'm not sure how much you can reasonably expect from anyone after a week in rehab. You sound pretty good though!
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