sleepygoat

Hi all,

My Ad's charity care ran out at the HIV clinic, and she begged me to help her keep her appointments there by taking her and staying with her (she walked out of the last 2). I told her if she did her part (get a social security card) I would take her to the appointment. She did, and I did, and her charity care at the clinic was renewed for another year.

she has been saying she wants to get clean lately, a lot. She knows I won't stop my life anymore to help her look for rehabs that she ultimately walks out of anyway. She also knows "The Bank of Grandma" is dissolved, as far as paying for any more rehabs. I told her to call around and see if there was charity care available for rehabs .

apparently she did, because I spoke to her today and she said, "I need a note from the doctor at the HIV clinic to give to the rehab."

I said, "Rehab? What rehab?"

She said, "I found a rehab that will take me if I give them a Dr. note saying I am well enough to go to rehab."

Then she said, "Can I call you back in 5 minutes".
Of course she didn't call me back, but I never expect her to.

I hope she pulls it together and does go to rehab. I hope she stays this time. I hope she leaves her creepoid BF and figures out her life. But, since none is within my ability to control, I am FREE to live my own life.

I am still struggling with episodes of depression -a couple of days every 2 or 3 weeks or so. Usually, these episodes are NOT centered around my AD, but around my own life. (but I have struggled with depression all my life and am not currently willing to endure the side effects, so do not choose to take antidepressants) but otherwise am doing OK. I still jog 4 to 5 days a week, still not smoking cigarettes (8 months), still clean (4 years, 7 months), still working on recovery .

take care,
sleepy

peaceteach

(((Sleepy))),

I'm glad you put up this update. It's nice to just let others know where you are in life. I don't mean to sound trite, but I put this on another forum yesterday and it seems to apply here regarding depression. I read recently that bananas have a natural anti-depression something in them, and that you should eat one a day. I'm also quitting smoking so I am trying it. Hope you continue to take care of you, Sleepy

marle

Sleepy, Nice to hear your update and that you are still taking care of yourself. There is a model of change that I have in one of my books that lists the steps that we go through when we are thinking of making a change in our lives. There is a stage called precontemplation where we are not acting but doing a lot of thinking. This could be where your daughter is. I am glad that you are letting her work it out for herself. My daughter spent a lot of time thinking before she was ready to act. But eventually she did. The model also shows that sometimes we take a few steps backward before the change becomes permanent. Prayers for your daughter that she gets there. Hugs, Marle

Chino

sleepy, prayers for your serenity, ongoing sobriety for you, your daughter finding it, and for her health.

grateful2b

Sleepy, so glad you came in to update...
i have so much respect for you and the courage you show through your recovery...
I am happy to hear that your daughter is looking to recovery again and proud of you for loving her but 'leaving her to it' which is the gift you give her... a trust that she can...
my daughter has been preparing for awhile for recovery and has recently been taking the steps she needs to, to move forward...I am grateful for the babysteps she takes for although small, they are steps forward...
so glad the focus is on you and your life...you are an inspiration!
prayers for your and your daughter for serenity and recovery, Hugs, Grateful

Spiritual Seeker

Nice to hear an update from you Sleepy and that you are handling your depression.
It seems like you manage to integrate it and not let it overwhelm you.
Good for you that even when feeling low you don't use and you get out and jog.
Exercise always makes me feel better. Making it a habit has been difficult since I went back to work. You are an inspiration, to " just do it " I've got to step it up as I have slid down to only one or two days a week of exercise.

All we can do is keep hope alive for our kids. WORRY and FEAR does us no good.

sleepygoat

Thanks Peace, Marle, Chino, Grateful2, and Seeker - can't find the "thanks" button in this new version or whatever-

Tomorrow I'm off for a trip into Hell AKA Newark, NJ to get those (now old) lab results with my AD, & for her to get her note for rehab admission. It may be a long visit since clinics are not famous for speedy service, but I will (try to) be grateful she has such a place to help her and that it is free. I will bring poetry to work on - though I still haven't figured out how to keep my AD from talking non-stop so that I can work on it. She says its a crack thing, the constant talking. I wouldn't know about that. My drugs of choice didn't make me talkative, they made me just float away. but I'll be neither floating nor zooming, just doing what I have chosen to still do for her (and for me; I'm not a victim!) to help her stay alive, so that she can get clean one day and be of service to other addicts (God willing, and why wouldn't he be?)

CatsPajamas

((( sleepygoat)))

Thanks for checking in ! It's good to hear about you and how things are progressing. It's good,too, for others to know that things don't magically happen over night. Time takes time, and we often move forward with baby steps.

Big hugs!

Cats

Impurrfect

(((Sleepy)))

Thanks, so much, for the update. I'm glad you're taking care of you, and your daughter is showing signs of progress.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy