getr345

I have 44 Days without alcohol, but ZERO days of true sobriety and freedom from addiction.

Today will be my real Day 1.

No more chemicals.
True sobriety.

I have been fooling myself and others and this cannot go on anymore. I have continued to remain addicted to nicotine through the use of a daily nicotine patch. I have continued to smoke pot, and I have continued to take the Tylenol with codeine pills that we have in the house.

No more.

Today is Day 1.

bumble2008123

You can do this getr.. I know it's hard to throw away all of your security blankets. But you know, it's actually kind of liberating in a way.

getr345

I'm sure I'll feel that way in a few days but right now I am ripping angry AND dealing with withdrawl. It's bad enough having no nicotine and dealing with that and other cravings, but the service station I just went to to get a sticker failed my car for inspection, and I was so angry I cursed out the guy who failed me and then got into a big pissin' match with his manager. The reason I'm so angry is because the car is a 93 and he failed me for front end wiggles (I can deal with that) but also for too much rust under the car, which effectively condemns my car (which I love) because how the **** am I gonna fix that?

tommyk

Get a second opinion.

getr345

You know I did get a second opinion, and the second opinion was that the first opinion was way off and the rust on the car did not warrant a safety inspection failure. So the place I brought it for the second opinion is gonna put a sticker on the car tomorrow after doing a little front end work, which it legitimately needs. Anyway, the point is that I got so angry and turned into such an A-hole when that happened this morning because my body was (and is still) going through such a nasty nicotine withdrawal. The way I was feeling, I'd have snapped someone's head off for doing me a favor, nevermind someone trying to take my car (which I love) off the road and cost me more money in BS repairs, and inspection fees.

tommyk

Good thing you don't have to see that guy again then, huh?

Okay.. so... what did you learn?

(When I feel anger, frustration, or just a plain case of me getting ready to be an asshead coming on, I recite the 12 steps in my mind... it 'cures' me almost every time. )

getr345

I learned that when I am going through withdrawal from an addictive drug, I cannot deal at all with stress and I become a jerk, particularly if something really stresses me or makes me angry. I learned that I cannot put myself through withdrawal again. I am not normally like that, and I did not get like that when I stopped drinking, not at all. I picked a bad day to go try for sticker, knowing it was at least possible that I would fail, and having gone though that before (an emissions issue) and knowing how stressful it is for me to see that R sticker on my baby.

Oh, and I will see them again tomorrow when I go in there to show them my new passing inspection sticker and explain to them what the actual standards are for failing a vehicle for rust, because obviously they do not know what it is. Then maybe I'll kick the guys ass, depends how I feel...lol..

Pelican

sniff, sniff, sniff, smells like someone is cleaning up their act!

Congratulations on 44 days sober!
Hang tough on the nicotine withdrawals and codeine withdrawals.

Anna

Good for you Getr!

You're doing great!

getr345

It's been a bad day. I feel horrible. Tired. Drained. Confused...

The withdrawal symptoms suck for me coming off nicotine. Headache, body aches, just so irritable and cranky. I've been putting this off for a while but I'm glad I'm doing it because I know as days go by it will get easier and in a week or so, I'm gonna be able to say that I have not had any drugs in my body at all for a while, and that's the goal. To get truly sober. And make it stick so I don't have to go through this painful addiction/abuse cycle BS again.

getr345

My real Day 1 (yesterday) is history, and I'm so glad it's over.

Today already seems like it will be easier. And will get easier as days go by.

The 45 days I have with no booze proved to me I can do this and that I will.

Yesterday was the first day in as long I can remember that I did not put any drugs or chemicals inside my body aside from the caffeine in my morning coffee, and/or in sodas through the day. The fear of a true day one (true sobriety) kept me stuck in the other stuff (nicotine, pot, and pain pills) I was doing, besides drinking.

This is Day 2

soarinhigh

Way to go get!! I love hearing from another nicotine withdrawaler. I gave it all up a little over 2 weeks ago (booze pot and cigs). I understand about the rage that hits you outta nowhere. If it makes you feel better it eases up a bit. You get hit with it less and it doesnt last long. However I still have a big problem with idiots behind the wheel (haha).

Good for you and keep it up!! Are you using any aid for the smoking?

getr345

I haven't actually smoked in a while. I was hooked on the patch and now I'm trying to give up the patch, so, no...no aides...just cold turkey no nicotine. I don't feel anywhere near as crazy, and prone to explode as I felt yesterday.

Pelican

I love SR! That statement is normal here, we understand what it feels like!

Congratulations to you and SH on another day!

getr345

It helps that in about an hour, the front end on my car will be all cleaned up and I'll have a valid inspection sticker on there, good for a year. I'm sitting in the repair shop right now, waiting, and posting from some local unsecured network. Seeing that R sticker yesterday was all the reason I needed to let loose the rage and anger so easily unleashed when I'm going through withdrawals. So, moving forward it stands to reason that no more drugs means no more withdrawal.

getr345

Going to bed in an hour and putting Day 2 of TOTAL sobriety into the history books, looking forward to more sober days. Another day under my belt. I feel like I'm "collecting" days. I have 45 days of no booze, and two days of no drugs or alcohol. Not easy, but worth it for sure.

getr345

Today is Day 5 free from nicotine and codeine and Day 48 free from booze. Getting much easier as each day goes by. At this point, I don't know why I waited so long to stop nicotine and codeine or what I was afraid of, just a day or two of discomfort really. Still wrestling in my head about pot, and have smoked a couple times in the past few days, I just seem to want to do it so I do. I have to remind myself that this is a work in progress and is actually going according to plan, at least as far as my first post was concerned. Booze first, then nicotine, then no more pain pills and then maybe pot down the road.

All in all though, I'm happy with where I am in my recovery.

On the other hand...

My wife's alcoholic brother screwed up again.

Another alcohol induced fit of rage, this time a brawl (while being on probation) with his roommate in their apartment that he can hardly recall except for the black eye and his dislocated shoulder, and all the broken furniture etc. My wife went by there last night and the apartment he shares with the guy he fought was trashed and my wife was begging him to stop drinking, and not surprisingly he doesn't think he needs to. Her brother tests my compassion because while I do feel for him, his actions (sometimes very rude and aimed directly at me) make it very hard for me to feel sorry for him, you know? Like a part of me thinks I should reach out to him, offer him my help but to be perfectly honest (and to sound like self-righteous, selfish jerk), I don't think he deserves it and I really don't care that much what happens to him, (gotta love that sober honesty) except for how it will hurt my wife. Suicide runs in her family and to me, her brother seems like someone who would do that.

My good friend (the one who quit drinking when he heard I did) now has over two weeks sober and regularly attends meetings and seems to be doing so well. I'm so proud of him. He told his family the news and sounds so confident when I talk to him. My ripple spread to him, and while I wish it had spread to my wife's brother, what more can I "do" for him aside from set a good example?

Pelican

Wow! I surfing on that positive wave of energy from your post! Thanks!

So very happy for you and how your life is getting better all the time (the part that is within your control)

No answers for your BIL situation. It appears that your clarity and strength will be needed as you support your wife.

Keep on keeping on!

getr345

Today is Day 49 free from booze and Day 6 free from nicotine and codeine.

I'm going to my first AA meeting tomorrow night in Boston with my friend who also stopped drinking. I have no idea what to expect but I'm looking forward to it. Plus I can't think of a better way to celebrate Days 50 and 7.

getr345

Last night I took the wife out to dinner at a local restaurant that we really like but had not been to for a while, probably because I quit drinking and in the past we liked to sit at the bar, play Keno, have a few beers and eat dinner. Anyway, for some reason I wanted to go there for dinner and sit at the bar and play Keno and have dinner, just no beers. So we get a seat in the crowded bar, booze is flying every which way, and the bartender is like "let's see, two tall Coors Lights?" (that's what we normally would get) and the wife said "I don't think that's what my husband wants tonight but I'll have one." He looks at me, I order a Coke and I swear he looked at me funny and was like "huh? OK..." So when he comes back to deliver my soda, he goes "here's your soda, wussy." I knew he was joking but I was still surprised because I've tended bar in the past and I've never spoken to customers like that, it was just strange that he would even feel the need to question my order, care what I order, and then on top of that call me a wussy for not drinking. I doubt he even realized that he probably lost a customer on the impact of those words.

Did play Keno though, won $50 and that paid for dinner.