21 months sober and miserable...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 7
21 months sober and miserable...
Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forum although I've been reading posts for a little while now. I've been sober for about 21 months but feel like I'm not doing so well. I'm not so afraid of falling off the wagon - I remember the bad times too vividly for that - but I feel miserable and lonely.
I often get anxiety, have bad dreams in which I'm either drinking or trying to sort out some drinking-related mess that I've caused and feel guilty and ashamed because of the things I did. I have a lovely boyfriend but I don't feel able to talk to him about any of this - partly because he put up with so much crap from me whilst I was drinking I don't want to remind him of it and don't feel it's fair. And I know that he doesn't like talking about it.
I've put on weight since I stopped drinking and feel out of control with my eating. I put a happy face on it but I feel lost and feel like I've lost my confidence. I've read some other people's posts on this forum and 21 months in, I feel like I should be a lot more sorted. I don't think AA is for me as I don't share the beliefs behind it so don't think this is the answer. No offence intended to those that do - it's just not what I feel.
I still feel like drinking is always the elephant in the room. I don't see how I will stop feeling like this. Thanks for reading this - any advice and support you can offer would be appreciated. Thank you.
I'm new to the forum although I've been reading posts for a little while now. I've been sober for about 21 months but feel like I'm not doing so well. I'm not so afraid of falling off the wagon - I remember the bad times too vividly for that - but I feel miserable and lonely.
I often get anxiety, have bad dreams in which I'm either drinking or trying to sort out some drinking-related mess that I've caused and feel guilty and ashamed because of the things I did. I have a lovely boyfriend but I don't feel able to talk to him about any of this - partly because he put up with so much crap from me whilst I was drinking I don't want to remind him of it and don't feel it's fair. And I know that he doesn't like talking about it.
I've put on weight since I stopped drinking and feel out of control with my eating. I put a happy face on it but I feel lost and feel like I've lost my confidence. I've read some other people's posts on this forum and 21 months in, I feel like I should be a lot more sorted. I don't think AA is for me as I don't share the beliefs behind it so don't think this is the answer. No offence intended to those that do - it's just not what I feel.
I still feel like drinking is always the elephant in the room. I don't see how I will stop feeling like this. Thanks for reading this - any advice and support you can offer would be appreciated. Thank you.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
I'm curious--what support system have you been using for the past 21 months? I'm glad you are here. This place has helped me alot with my recovery journey. When I feel like what you have described I know I need to share that with others who understand. Glad you decided to post. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 7
Hi Angelina,
Thanks for responding - I appreciate it. I haven't used a support system. Now I say it I realise that I haven't even really used my friends as support on this either.
After trying to stop for varying time periods for a few years and always going back to the same mistakes I just finally accepted that I had to stop drinking.
Thanks for responding - I appreciate it. I haven't used a support system. Now I say it I realise that I haven't even really used my friends as support on this either.
After trying to stop for varying time periods for a few years and always going back to the same mistakes I just finally accepted that I had to stop drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I didn't do AA either but for myself I had to deal with a lot more than just drinking - not drinking was actually the easy bit for me.
I had a lot of underlying issues as well - some I drank for, some drinking gave me.
I have 20 months nearly. My life isn't perfect, it's not that much better materially - but I'm a happier and better person - I worked hard to get there....mostly dealing with my problems and issues honestly as they came up.
Have you considered counselling? obviously I don't know you, but sometimes there's a lot of underlying depression behind alcoholism for example.
Sounds like you need to talk to someone anyway Spacecat - we're always here for that
D
I had a lot of underlying issues as well - some I drank for, some drinking gave me.
I have 20 months nearly. My life isn't perfect, it's not that much better materially - but I'm a happier and better person - I worked hard to get there....mostly dealing with my problems and issues honestly as they came up.
Have you considered counselling? obviously I don't know you, but sometimes there's a lot of underlying depression behind alcoholism for example.
Sounds like you need to talk to someone anyway Spacecat - we're always here for that
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi and Welcome,
Congratulations on your 21 months sober. That's great!
You mentioned that your eating is out of control and that you are putting on a happy face. It sounds like there is still some work to do on the issues in your life. Try to be patient with yourself. Recovery is a journey and it's not always easy. Keep reading and posting.
Congratulations on your 21 months sober. That's great!
You mentioned that your eating is out of control and that you are putting on a happy face. It sounds like there is still some work to do on the issues in your life. Try to be patient with yourself. Recovery is a journey and it's not always easy. Keep reading and posting.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family Spacecat.
We are glad you are here. Loads of information and support here.
I think as you share here and open yourself up to help others you will gain some self confidence. Time to give back. This site is awesome. Lots of sharing of wisdom and experiences so jump right in and join us!:ghug3
We are glad you are here. Loads of information and support here.
I think as you share here and open yourself up to help others you will gain some self confidence. Time to give back. This site is awesome. Lots of sharing of wisdom and experiences so jump right in and join us!:ghug3
Moment of Conception
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Planet Tragedy
Posts: 453
I have prob with confidence too. its awful but i guess its small price to pay for what i did to myself. Dont loose hope sweetheart, things will return im sure. I know music is a matter of taste, but i listened to Rather Be by the Verve the other day and it lifted me so much. Im so glad i took the advice my body was trying to give me for years.
In four years tho iv kept falling off the wagon, my longest was only a year, so you are doing really well. Lack of confidence is really tough, but longer you stay sober the quicker it will return. I cant remember where or when i lost mine, but i like to think that it will return in the same kind of way, and bingo!
Keep up the good work sweet, its garranteed to pay off ;-)
In four years tho iv kept falling off the wagon, my longest was only a year, so you are doing really well. Lack of confidence is really tough, but longer you stay sober the quicker it will return. I cant remember where or when i lost mine, but i like to think that it will return in the same kind of way, and bingo!
Keep up the good work sweet, its garranteed to pay off ;-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
well...i'm at almost 16 mos....but what i know so far is that although I have a long way to go, I have begun to deal with the issues that I wasn't dealing with during my drinking.
I found that I had to really look at the damage from my drinking & other behaviors and begin to change how I do things today and acknowledge what I have done in the past and repair what I can.
I guess I would not be comfortable not being able to comment on my past behavior when things come up. There is often mention about it amoung my family and friends....its just a part of who I have been.
I hpe you will come here often and read and post as it really helps me to feel less alone on the journey of sobriety.
I found that I had to really look at the damage from my drinking & other behaviors and begin to change how I do things today and acknowledge what I have done in the past and repair what I can.
I guess I would not be comfortable not being able to comment on my past behavior when things come up. There is often mention about it amoung my family and friends....its just a part of who I have been.
I hpe you will come here often and read and post as it really helps me to feel less alone on the journey of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Welcome to sober recovery!
I think building a support network might help. It can be comforting talking to others that are going through the same things that you are. Sober recovery is a very good start and maybe you can get to the point where you are able to meet other sober folks in your area. I find that activities with other sober people are essential to keeping me social and sane.
Another thought is that alcohol might not be the only issue that you need to address. Have you talked to a counselor about what your feeling?
Hope that helps and I look forward to hearing more from you.
I think building a support network might help. It can be comforting talking to others that are going through the same things that you are. Sober recovery is a very good start and maybe you can get to the point where you are able to meet other sober folks in your area. I find that activities with other sober people are essential to keeping me social and sane.
Another thought is that alcohol might not be the only issue that you need to address. Have you talked to a counselor about what your feeling?
Hope that helps and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 7
Wow - thanks everybody. I can't tell you how much it means to hear from you and know that I'm not struggling with this alone.
I do realise that I have issues other than the drinking but it had never struck me that the way that I'm dealing with this is perhaps not the most normal. I think I felt that I deserved to be isolated after everything I'd done. And I certainly agree that a lot of the hardship in stopping drinking is having to deal with the underlying issues. Cripes. In some ways I suppose the way I was secretive about my drinking is exactly how I'm being secretive about my recovery. Which is a really strange realisation...
I did have some counselling a few years ago, before I stopped drinking, and was, in part, what I think led to me being able to stop. Perhaps it's time for me to revisit that although I really don't want to.
Thank you so much for your posts. Any other words of wisdom or support will be gratefully received!
I do realise that I have issues other than the drinking but it had never struck me that the way that I'm dealing with this is perhaps not the most normal. I think I felt that I deserved to be isolated after everything I'd done. And I certainly agree that a lot of the hardship in stopping drinking is having to deal with the underlying issues. Cripes. In some ways I suppose the way I was secretive about my drinking is exactly how I'm being secretive about my recovery. Which is a really strange realisation...
I did have some counselling a few years ago, before I stopped drinking, and was, in part, what I think led to me being able to stop. Perhaps it's time for me to revisit that although I really don't want to.
Thank you so much for your posts. Any other words of wisdom or support will be gratefully received!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome....
I totally agree with the idea of counseling and I am
pleased you are thinking of starting again.
You might want to consider making plans for losing weight.
Make a committment to walking daily or swimming or ???
then begin eaing healthy foods. A good confidence builder..
Glad you found us...Blessings to you and your loved ones
I totally agree with the idea of counseling and I am
pleased you are thinking of starting again.
You might want to consider making plans for losing weight.
Make a committment to walking daily or swimming or ???
then begin eaing healthy foods. A good confidence builder..
Glad you found us...Blessings to you and your loved ones
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
talk with ur partner about it....
I lost my gf two weeks ago cause i just could not share my addiction problems with her cause I was afraid to lose her....i put it away inside me....but from there it started to affect my behaviour...and from there it still caused her to leave me (next to some other more regular issued from both sides)
I lost my gf two weeks ago cause i just could not share my addiction problems with her cause I was afraid to lose her....i put it away inside me....but from there it started to affect my behaviour...and from there it still caused her to leave me (next to some other more regular issued from both sides)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
you can begin to create your support system.
you are the creator of your recovery and your life.
summary of where you can look to create your support system:
your significant other
your friends
counseling
Music (if listening to it helps)
Listening to self help/spiritual/guided meditation CD's
WRITING
Walking
praying/sitting/meditating/yoga
AA or OA
MANY other face to face support groups that you can research online that may be available in your area.
yOU can create your recovery., you got some definite time sober, a year and a half if i understood correct, which is great....
sometimes you have to live within your own unique "recovery plan" from the moment you awak until the moment you go to sleep.
good luck
you are the creator of your recovery and your life.
summary of where you can look to create your support system:
your significant other
your friends
counseling
Music (if listening to it helps)
Listening to self help/spiritual/guided meditation CD's
WRITING
Walking
praying/sitting/meditating/yoga
AA or OA
MANY other face to face support groups that you can research online that may be available in your area.
yOU can create your recovery., you got some definite time sober, a year and a half if i understood correct, which is great....
sometimes you have to live within your own unique "recovery plan" from the moment you awak until the moment you go to sleep.
good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
It has been my experience the reason I can be miserable sober is because I'm the same person as I was before, now w/o alcohol or drugs.
Restless, discontent.......impatient......you name it!
I must build a whole new character, a new life, in active recovery.
If you are interested, please let me know & I'll share the path I've taken.
I'm doing the best I've ever done in my life, even with the challenges of life.
Thomas
Restless, discontent.......impatient......you name it!
I must build a whole new character, a new life, in active recovery.
If you are interested, please let me know & I'll share the path I've taken.
I'm doing the best I've ever done in my life, even with the challenges of life.
Thomas
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
