genrs123

Ive been going to the same therapist off and on over 2 years (had to stop when i changed insurance) and compared to the one i went to for several months before that, she is okay.

I stay mostly because she knows my whole story, as ive gone to her for a long time and even counseling with my mom regarding my alcoholic brother and the struggles ive had in response to that (i moved out very young and was financially cut off from my parents as a result, had an unhealthy relationship with them-now were much better though).

She has helped some.

Anyway, upon SEVERE depression with my alcoholic XBF, off and on of 8 year-s-- my only love, she has told me that she doesnt think im codependent. we broke up in June, "contact" til August. and its not just Jake im codependent on! anyone could make this teacup overflow with sorrow (and sometimes, but not as often anymore-joy).

Regardless, i feel i want MORE, like homework, exercises to do outside of therapy. she really just focuses on cognitive therapy (change your thoughts- change your feelings) which i do think is true BUT

i cant change the thought of MISSING MY TRUE LOVE, and the HURT i feel that we cant be together. the sadness that he is moving on or the sadness i feel that i wasnt a good girlfriend and lastly, the confusion i feel about DID he want to get back together and i blew it... and now, i just feel like i cant be with an alcoholic but it CRUSHES me that we cant talk b/c now he really will move on if he hadnt, but it it is too painful for us to be "friends"...

There are other problems i am having and maybe i should be able to, but i just can't THINK my way out of them. if i thought differently about things, i probably wouldnt be the mess that got me there in the first place.

this week, i think my medication actually made me more depressed and she basically implied if it was such a big deal that i needed to go to my DR and not go on this trip. The trip, where i was seeing my favorite bands last few shows before they broke up, and really GREAT friends- was indefinitely going to bring me some temporary relief. I didnt end up going anyway though due to flight problems and anxiety.... long story.
She just stared at me as i cried and cried and wasnt very empathetic or sympathetic. it hurt my feelings even more. i know i am depressed so im overly sensitive, but thats why im there- to work on these things. i dont deny that i need help! i want it!!!

i live in atlanta just incase anyone knows a good therapist here who might do me a little good


THANKS for letting me share.

ToughChoices

Hi, genrs123!

I thought that I read in one of your posts that you are currently in school. I found that my university offered student counseling services For Free, and I could switch counselors to my hearts content, looking for the right fit.
It might be worth looking into.

My friends complain about the cost of tuition, but I feel like I've gotten a really good deal. I saw my therapist twice a week for an entire year - he told me the approximate retail value of that much therapy was about $10,000!

Ultimately, I found an awesome counselor, but he never termed me "co-dependent", either. He listened to me talk about my issues and asked me some difficult questions. He really helped me address some "self-worth" problems that I hadn't even realized were present. We talked a lot about my family of origin and about religion. These were important topics for my recovery - even though, on the surface it looked like my problem was my husband's alcoholism.

Sometimes I felt great when I left his office. Sometimes I felt like a big piece of weeping miserable poo. In retrospect, both feelings signified progress in my healing.

Therapy is hard work. Honest introspection is hard work.
I think it's worth your while to find someone that really challenges you - even if they don't use the same words that as you (co-dependent, enabling, etc...).

Good luck!
-TC

ToughChoices

As a side note, may I suggest that you stop referring to him as your "TRUE LOVE".

You may have considered him to possess this title in the past, but the past is done. You're working on the future now, and this man is most certainly NOT your one shot at love and happiness. Changing your vocabulary may be helpful in this regard.

He is someone that you truly loved.

Free yourself to the possibility that new love, true love, lies elsewhere.

-TC

Barbara52

Whenever I have had a therapist that I didn't think was helping me enough (or my helping my son enough) I found a new therapist. I needed to feel that my therapist was helping me explore and deal with my issues, and if that wasn't occuring, it was time to fire one and hire another.

genrs123

ToughChoices,

That's really wise, and i appreciate your feedback...

I go to school online from a distance graduate program... i was going to move but it was this summer amidst the drama, and never did. so now i go to school online (its part of my stress)...

Maybe i could set up a phone session or something though, i do want to take advantage of the resources.

Thanks!

I know my problem is ME and issues with self love/depression etc. but i dont know HOW to get that.

prairiegirl

If I can add my two cent's worth.....I also believe that if a counsellor is no longer working for you or with you, it's time to find a new counsellor. I recently had the experience of having a counsellor that actually, because of her attitude that I should be getting over this at her pace, did me more harm than good. I was already feeling abandoned and had low self worth, but it's something else when you talk to a counsellor and they leave you feeling even more that way. As others have said, you have to feel like you are working together and that you are being understood. Remember that she's working for you and you can find someone who is a better fit. I have a counsellor that give me a bit of homework to do between visits (questions to ask myself, ie what things can I do to make myself feel better when I start feeling the waves of loss) and it helps alot because I feel like I am challenging myself to move through this. Check on-line also because there are now on-line counsellors and I have asked various counsellors if they feel that this is valid and they say for some people and depending who you get, this can also be a very good resource. I tried it for a few years ago for a period of time and found someone who specialized in addictions and charged me a quarter of what I usually paid for counselling. Just a thought.

gns

FWIW, I found EMDR to be more helpful than cognitive therapy. I am really good at doing my own quacking and EMDR helped me deal with my emotional reality. My therapist also did sandbox therapy - ways to tap my subconscious-emotional reality.

Good luck - hope you find the right fit - it makes a big difference!

tommyk

I think a therapist, counselor, coach, whatever, is going to do things you won't like, and say things you won't like, at times. Additionally - therapists do NOT prescribe medications, that is a doctor issue.

I don't think you should expect constant positive support from a therapist, there will be rough waters at times.

Best wishes toward your recovery!

PeggyT

genrs-

Have you discussed your concerns with your therapist? Since you have so much time invested in the relationship, you might want to try it. It'll either help, or it won't. One thing, though, if your therapist makes you feel guilty in any way for broaching your concerns, run, don't walk to somebody else.

genrs123

yes! i am interested in finding new options. as what ive been doing doesnt seem to help. I think that sounds interesting. I will look into it. Thanks.

DII

Genrs,

The one thing I have learned from my Therapist is that they are like a mirror. They listen and then reflect yourself back to you! The Therapist just clarifies your emotion and behavior and then try and help you see it. The first step in Therapy is what is real and what is emotion. Emotion is a great indicatior of how you feel but it is not what you are or do. You have to be willing to SEE your emotion and deal with it so you can deal with your reality. If a Therapist gets too involved in your emotions it will be harder and harder for you to deal with the reality of you life an make changes for the positive.

Keep this all in mind.....I hope I didn't make it too confusing!

Silverberry1331

My dear...I agree with B-52. If you are not getting what you need, then get out of there. You are under no obligation to this therapist. I had the same thing happen recently to me. I was going to marriage counseling with my AH, and the entire time, she was leaving the addiction issue out of it.

She was helping me enable him and further more was giving me suggestions that are best used in situations where alcohol or drugs are NOT involved...

I couldn't shake her either. She would stalk me when I tried to cancel my therapy appointments, and so on. Ultimately, I took the easy way out rather than telling her to get lost...I told her that I was moving to start a new life...she knew me about 3 months, and had the audacity to say "WOW...you certainly have come a long way under my watch!" WHOA.

I suggest Al Anon...it is the only thing that has helped me deal with my codependence issues AND the alcoholism. Are you going? It is free and you might find that this is where you need to be. Good luck

denny57

That is hysterical!