Toomutch

Let me start by saying that I really enjoyed the meeting, alot of good shares that I could relate to. I was made to feel comfortable.

Well... After the meeting I was encouraged to step outside to where people gathered for fellowship.

I felt like I was back in high school or college. All the women went right by me as I was smiling at them - some smiled back.

On the other hand, and I'm not exagerating, many of the men gathered around me. Each of them talked about AA, which was nice. However I was told by 4 different men to come back because they need more pretty ladies there, one even called me Suzette the french babe...

It didn't really upset me because women have never liked me, and I seem to get along better with men.

I want to know if I have a part in this, as this is my recovery. Is there something about me that drives women away? I really want to figure out why this has been my lifelong story. I want to fit in with women, I just don't.

Thanks for listening

tommyk

I'd suggest you concentrate on WHY you are at AA and avoid such distractions.

Just my opinion.

(The disease is VERY crafty, cunning, and sly. Your disease will provide you plenty of distraction to maintain it's grip on you. Beware and watch out for it.)

Aysha

Dont worry about those women.
Its all about Ms Suz right now.
Just keep smiling.

Toomutch

Tommy - how do you suggest I avoid these distractions. It was my first AA meeting, I went out on the patio, and what I mentioned above happened. I may as well just stick with SR as my support, there are no distractions here. In AA We are meeting F2F, part of working my program is learning about myself and trying to figure out why some things never change.

Astro

Stay focused on the program and your recovery Suzette, that's why your there. The fraternizing is great, the meetings before and after the meeting are good for fellowshipping too, but don't lose sight of your goals.

Now I'm not saying that all men have a hidden agenda, but please beware of the 13th Steppers. I'd really like to believe that all of us have good intentions, but observations have shown otherwise.

Just a thought.....maybe if the other women are guarding their programs of recovery carefully, they might feel intimidated or awkward when you're talking to the men?

Astro

JMHO - I think SR is a great addition to my program of recovery, and it's probably fantastic for people who aren't able to attend meetings regularly, but there's no substitute for F2F support.

Anna

That sounds like good advice Suzette.

Just stay focused on you and what you want to get out of the meetings.

Ananda

I'm sorry the after meeting stuff was that way for you TM....I don't generally get that kind of stuff after meetings unless I walk past the women and go up to a group of males (which I know you didn't)...but then again it might be cause I am an "older" woman.

If you enjoyed the meeting and not the talk afterwards, I would try going straight out of the meeting and leaving. I like the fellowship, but there are times when I know I don't really want to listen to the group of people who are socializing afterwards for a variety of reasons...so I just leave quickly.

I hear all kinds of horror storys about 13 stepping and cold women, but you know I've been lucky...we have the occational inapropriete behavior and a few more reserved women...but not anymore than you would find at work, school or play in other avenues.

Hope you will try a different group or a different day and hpe it will go better next time. :ghug3

Midas

I'm glad you had a good 1st meeting. It is important to note that some members (male & female) do have ulterior motives. This aspect can sometimes be the real dark side of AA. There can be some shady characters in disguise. Not to scare you away, of course, but just be careful. If there's a women's only meeting nearby, maybe check that out.

Quote:Alcoholics Anonymous
First Edition

Jersey Nonny

I read your other thread. What happened to MLE? I got the impression she has been to meetings, and was going to introduce you to your first.

Don't be turned off by this experience. There are as many different personalities in AA as there are different types of meetings. It's a regular smorgasbord of meetings out there. Try 'em all.

Some women feel threatened by the presence of an attractive woman...especially someone brand new. If MLE knows any women in the program, let her introduce you around. Or stick together, and form a united front. The more different meetings you can get to, the more people will get to recognize you and get to know you.

A word of caution...careful of the men...particularly if they appear to be overly friendly or flirtatious. The guy with the "Suzette the French babe" line may just think he's being cute...trying to make you feel welcome and comfortable. But, you will run into those who enjoy taking advantage of the vulnerability of a newcomer...you'll hear them referred to as 13 Steppers.

I'm glad you're giving AA a try...hope you'll find many meetings you'll enjoy going to.

Toomutch

Jersey - unfortunately MLE couldn't make it today, so I went solo.

endzoner

when i first started to attend , i left the building when it was over with . was just easier till i was comfortable being there , You kinda get a sence after while what there about , maybe they have something i want ( in soberity) , I would arrive a few minutes early this way I was giving the prior to conversation a chance and the meeting would start , if i was uncomfortable i knew it wasnt long befour we took our seats . But give things a chance , Members are always excited when new faces show, Just like around here , there just curious . glad you went to your first meeting tho .. right on ! :ghug3

mle-sober

Hi - I'm here. I'm so, so sorry!! I feel awful. I ditched you and I really didn't mean to. I just got distracted by some things in my life right now and I forgot our plans! I'm so sorry!

If you were at the Arid Club meeting like we'd planned, I can almost tell you for sure who that man was that made that remark. He's just stuck in his old days when it was considered chivalras to remark on a woman's beauty. The day I got my first chip, he was chairing the meeting and I made sure that my sponsor handed me the chip so that she could give me the hug too. I really didn't want to hug him. He got offended. But you know what? Who cares!

My experience at the Arid Club is that the women are all very warm and welcoming. I try to be the same. (When I'm not blowing people off - yikes - I'm still sorry!)

Let's try again! Don't give up with only one meeting!

- MLE

Toomutch

It's okay Emile, I understand. I am one who would forget my a$$ if it wasn't attached. I'm not sure about the ARID club right now, but I think I will give it another try on Mon.

Astro

Just sharing a little more of my experience, sorry for hogging the thread.

My first couple years in AA I found I really needed the meetings outside of the meetings. The coffee shops, lunches, etc. were really great, it made me feel human again to be accepted. But as my recovery progressed, I found I needed less of that, I was learning to live life on life's terms, and I was enjoying my freedom and independency again.

Oh, I've also noticed a few groups of women at our facility that stick together for strength and don't put up with any of the nonsense and the BS from the men. Maybe you could find a group like that?

Toomutch

Thanks Astro, I appreciate your advice, you're not hogging the thread.

ANGELINA243

I'm sorry that happened. I know when I see a new person in meetings--especially a female new to recovery I do try to introduce myself and make sure she gets a list of scheduled meetings, a women's phone list, and my number. I'm so glad someone else did that for me when I was new. Hang in there. Keep your recovery a priority. I go to different meetings around town..mostly due to my job. I do enjoy one particular AA women's meeting at one of the groups. I have met some strong females there who have helped me on my recovery journey and truly put into practice the message/principles of AA program.

Jersey Nonny

WOW! Now, that was really gutsy...to walk into your very first AA meeting on your own! Give yourself two thumbs up, and two pats on the back! The next meeting should be a piece of cake. Hope you're not waiting until Monday...there must be plenty of meetings on the weekend. I made at least two on both days when I was in early recovery.

Let's face it...I used to spend most of the weekend in bars...the meetings took their place.

Toomutch

Thanks Jersey - I just gave myself 3 pats - and 2 thumbs up.

I edited my original post because I decided that this is not the time for me to try to be funny.

Dee74

as I said on another thread, I don't know bupkis about AA....but I do know I can look at the same thing as an insurmountable obstacle, or a challenge to be negotiated....

I'm glad you're thinking of going back TM.

D