blizzard77

My AH and I split for a year and a half. He was 650 miles away and I was left here alone with no friends of family. We stayed in contact. he said he was sober. sending me money monthly and working two jobs. stupid me believed him even after his brother warned me he was not sober. they had been fighting and so AH convinced me he was just being revengeful. He was back 6 months when I knew he was using. I did a home drug test. It was positive and I kicked him out. He moved in with a guy from work stoled all of his wife pain pills and klonopins. Next time I saw him he was delusional, hallucinating and looked like death. I took him to the hosp I work at they cleared him medically but said he didn't want help and they couldn't force him. Next day after 15+ hrs of sleep he was still wasted. I said rehab or out. He chose to return to our home state, Buffalo, NY.
He's been gone a week with no word for him till early this am. Wants me to pick up his wallet and lost paycheck and wire it to him. I said no. He said I didn't care that he was hungry with no place to go. I said it was his choice to be where he is. He said he loved me. I told him I loved him too and if he chose to get help I would do what it took to help him. I feel like crap this am. Eyes swollen shut from crying. Worried about him. I had never seen him in the shape he was in in over 11 years. I'm passed feeling guilty. I'm angry and frustrated with myself. Why did I have to fall in love with and addict?? And when will I learn he's never going to change!!

beegee

Blizzard,
Don't beat yourself up for doing the right thing. You gave him his options and he chooses to stay where he is unfortunately. Addiction seems to overpower what they say and what they do. I am sure he does love you but as people say here the addiction is stronger. It is so hard to see the ones we love suffer but we have to remember it is their choice to do so and so try not to feel guilty for his choices. ((hugs and prayers for you))) Try to go to meetings to help yourself right now.

liesagain

we dont choose who we love................and loving him isnt the source of your pain its him not loving himeself.

Your doing the right thing and maybe without help like sending him money he'll find that he needs real help with his disease

Its never easy and it hurts like hell but thou it doesnt feel like it now...............you are doing the most loving thing you can right now

best wishes and hugs

blizzard77

This is the first time that he hasn't had someone to take him in. He threw his brother under the bus to save his @## so he won't take him in. Most of his old drinking/drug buddies have moved on. He has a few aquaintences but that's it. He left with a book bag full of clothes. Not even a winter jacket and Buffalo is cold. I knew he was going to try to get hired at the job he worked at before he left. He left in good standing. I called the manager and told him that he'd be putting his business at risk if he hired him back. I asked him if they hired him and he said no. I asked why and he said you tell me. I am feeling bad about that. Did I do the right thing??

BayAreaPhoenix

((( Blizzard)))

Sounds like a bit of hurting and grieving going on.

His consequences, his choices. It's not a matter of right or wrong. You've let him go, so let him go.

It sounds like you are doing the best thing you can do for him. So far, nothing else has actually made a difference, maybe this will.

(((hugs)))

wooforever

What choice did you have? He left you with no choice.

Freedom1990

God's got really big hands that you can put AH into. Believe me, it takes a ton of weight off of your shoulders and your heart. :ghug :ghug

BBD

Can't someone esle pick up his wallet and last paycheck and wire it to him?? YUP~~Buffalo is cold. Where is he staying for now?? You should stand your ground and let him make his choices now. Maybe he'll straighten out when confronted with the cold and no job..Smiles, Bonnnie/near/Buffalo

blizzard77

He called and texted me drunk saying he's hungry and cold. Said he was staying here and there. Last night he said he was " sleeping in the doorway of pain...I mean rain". I'm not sure anyone at his old job will wire him his big 200 dollar check and wallet. He pretty much screwed everyone over in one way or another. I guess he was in the kenmore area last night. His usual stomping grounds are in the city in allen town. I won't do it, though. I got suckered into buying him his bus ticket because after we made the 50 mile drive he told me he had no money. I didn't want to take him back home so I bought it to get him away from me. His guilt don't work on me like it used to (I'm catholic and have and ingrained guilt complex lol) but I'm done enabling him. There's shelters but they have rules. He don't like rules. There's soup kitchens he can find if he's hungry. I told him to take a winter jacket but he couldn't fit it in his book bag full of clothes. I'm worried, but not worried to the point of making myself sick. All I can do is pray and put him in the Lord's hands (he don't believe in God) but I believe God believes in him.

cinderellawkids

Theres ways for him to get warm and or get a jacket. If he can get drunk with no money he can find a jacket. It always amazes me how they can go out penniless not find food but always find alcohol.

Tryingtobefree

Hi, Blizzard! I'm originally from Buffalo too. I know that it does get really cold but there are several shelters that will help him. Maybe being without what he needs and not having any help will be the thing that pushes him to get help. My fiances family and I just started realizing this past year how much our "help" has just allowed him continue to drink and destroy everything and everyone around him. It's so hard but I have to keep reminding myself that he has choices - he's just not making the right ones.