bumble2008123

Greetings, everyone! I've been a several night a week heavy drinker for as long as I can remember. Not many know about this, which I am figuring out is not all that uncommon. I am worried about my health and want to quit for that and many other reasons. I'm not attending AA, or going through any other form of assistance. I've told my husband and joined this forum to share my journey as well as yours.

So far, things are ok. I'm not feeling any urge to drink but I'm not an every day drinker anyway. The urge will be strong in a day or two, I'm sure. Now if I can just stop myself from veering the car over to the convenience store for a 12 pack I'll be golden.

I really, really want this to work.

Anna

Hi Bumble,

Welcome!

I was also a secret drinker and rarely drank in public. But, I realized after I began to recover that many people knew or suspected something was going on. Oh well!

You can do this and there is lots of support here. What worked for me, in the early days, was changing my daily routines and patterns and having other things to do at the times I would normally have been drinking.

mtnmagic

Hi bumble - Welcome! Glad you found this place. Yes, you can do this.
Another "secret" drinker here. I hid bottles all over, and I live alone, so go figure? Please keep posting, the support here is incredible.

bumble2008123

Oh boy, last night was hard. Really stressful day at work and all I wanted to do was to drink and play online. Watched some tv, played with the dog and went to bed. It sure isn't easy to sleep these days either. I wonder how long until that gets better?

Hope

Welcome!

I think a huge part of it, as Anna mentioned above, is to change patterns and routines. So, use the time to fill in doing other things to keep you busy.

You only have to get through one day at a time. So when it's rough, just remember that you just have to get through that moment.... and those moments will turn into days. Keep it simple. Just don't drink right now.

espresso

Hi Bumble
Welcome to SR. It's good to hear you acknowledge you have a problem and want to stop. I could not stay stopped on my own and I really recommend trying AA. If it's not for you, then at least you will have given it a go. What have you got to lose by going to one meeting?
For me, alcoholism is a progressive illness. I crossed the line from social drinking to heavy social drinking to drinking at home alone in the evening. In the end, I was drinking around the clock. My blackouts got worse and I started hallucinating.
Please keep posting about your progress.

Midas

Glad you're here! My car was on autopilot all the time too. Every single freakin' day for 12 years.

bumble2008123

Day four! So far, it's been okay. There have been ups and downs but largely not too big of a problem at all. This is Friday though and it'll be my first sober weekend in....well hell I can't even remember a sober weekend. I'm actually looking forward to waking up bright eyed and ready to have some fun.

My husband has been pretty supportive but has started saying things like "You sure you want to keep up with this? The weekend is coming, you know.." It'd be so easy to just fall into that but I am pretty sure I can have fun without getting drunk at the same time. Here's to new experiences.

timzup

Good luck you. Understand what you are saying about the weekend, same thing for me. You can do it!

Pam08

welcome to SR. I too was an everyother day or so drinking. I believe I was because if I had drank everyday my body would have shut down. We do have mechanisms in our body to try to keep us from killing ourselves TOO FAST. I have been killing myself slowly, I drank alot at each sitting and spent the next day rehydrating myself and eating carbs, so i could again be ready to drink a 1/5 or so. I was a lone drinking, my family has no clue I am an alcoholic. How secretive we can be. Good luck, keep positive and keep blogging we want to hear from you.

bumble2008123

Yep Pam, EXACTLY. I was every second day or so, and every weekend night. I did try to hydrate and get extra sleep on the nights that I wasn't drinking but wow what an awful cycle that is. Your mind is foggy at work, your stomach/head hurts, little or no energy...etc. I kept hoping that nothing serious would come up at work during any of the mornings after because it just was so much harder to come up with solutions at that time.

I just made it through my first Friday without drinking. There was beer in the house, my husband had 2 rum and cokes.. but I just wasn't interested. I didn't sleep very well, but who cares. I'm proud of myself.

Pelican

Hey Bumble!

Welcome to the SR family. I'm glad you made your first Friday sober (that you can remember).

I am married and my husband drinks. Being the only sober one in the house can be difficult. I have relapsed many times, in the past, because if stinkin thinkin like :"if you can't beat em join em" or "if his breath is boozy, my having a drink will help me cope with his breath". All stupid, stupid, stupid.

This time is different. I came here and lurked a while. Read the sticky under the alcoholism forum that contained excerpts from "Under the Influence" and the light bulbs went off in my head! I am an alcoholic. I can not control my drinking. Alcohol controls me. I am codie (co-dependant) and I can not expect my husband to help me get and maintain sobriety. He is not my sponsor or saviour.

This time it is about me. I am an alcoholic. I can never drink again. Ever. I am doing this for me. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience each day to the fullest. I want the clarity of mind, the peacefulness of spirit, and the physical stamina that come from sobriety. I want it everyday.

I'm glad you are here. I'm proud of you for making healthy choices. We can do this one day at a time!

David69

Congrats on making it through your first Friday!! My first weekend was the hardest one. You seem to be starting out in the right frame of mind. It is tough when you live with another drinker while trying to quit.....I at least don't have that to deal with on top of everything else. I feel for you there. Wish you the best in your recovery.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR.

Like Pelican (and I'm sure many others) I am married and my husband drinks. I've got almost 5 months sober that I wouldn't trade for the world.

You can do it!

bumble2008123

Good morning, SR! This weekend was good actually. Nice to have a clear head and lots of things got accomplished.

TWD660

CONGRATS, WELL DONE !!!, Thanks for the words on my post , I think with the support we are going to find here, We can do it!!!!

bumble2008123

I'm starting to think about drinking less. It's almost as though it doesn't really even enter into the realm of possibility during the week. Now the weekends are another story entirely. Friday evening wasn't very hard, but Saturday certainly was.

bumble2008123

Well, I spoke too soon. I messed up last night and now I have the anxiety that comes along with it. When will I learn that this is just not something to fall back on after having a crappy day?