Itsmytime

As I re-read my post of Nov 3, I am filled with shame as I didn't even make it a week. Didn't drink alot, even went out with friends and was the DD. However I did drink Friday and Sunday.

Maybe I shouldn't even be on this message board as I don't know if I will or want to quit forever, but rather try 30 days and see where that takes me.

Thank you everyone for you support, struggling with the long term committment right now.

IMT

Rella927

This happens...and yes you should be on these boards because that is what we are all here for encouragement and support to one another.

Try not to beat yourself up...and remember why you started to hold on in the first place and conquer this disease! You can do this and we are all here to support you

Aysha

I dont think one of us here got it right the first..second..even third or fourth time.
Of course you belong here. If we all could do it on our first try, on our own and it was easy. Then there would be no need for this board.

Dont be too hard on yourself. Just keep trying.

nandm

Failure is only failure when we fail to get back up when we fall down. You are back up and posting here. That shows me that you are by no means a failure.

It took me hundreds of times stopping drinking only to fall down and have to get back up before I finally found any length of sobriety.

The key is to keep getting back up, never quit. You can do this. Each time you fall gives you a bigger picture of what pushed you to the ground. That gives you the knowledge to see that coming next time and hopefully avoid the obstacle.

Take care and remember you are not a failure. This disease is a killer and it is tough but not impossible to beat.

TTOSBT

Of COURSE you should be here.
Even if you were still actively, you are always welcome!
And if you just want to quit for 30 days, come on board for the support!!!

Mattcake

I think your user name is very appropriate... Recovery is a process, and you should follow your own initiative, in *your* time frame. While I don't agree with the saying "relapse is a part of recovery" (I don't think it's necessarily true), slips do happen. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Like Nandm said, you need to keep trying, it's nothing to be ashamed of - on the contrary, stating your struggles and doubts honestly is very brave of you.

And of course you should stay, we need you here Maybe you'll get some motivation to commit to sobriety, whether it's for 1 day, 30 days or a lifetime - there is no need to figure that out now. Also, in my experience, SR has a way of creeping up on you Why don't you tag along for the ride?

Take good care of yourself

Itsmytime

:ghug Thank you everyone, I am so glad I found this site. Will visit often while going through this challenge.

I am feeling a little more positive, just gotta concentrate on One Day At A Time.

CarolD

Many of us had false starts on our recovery journey.
Glad you are planning a sober day today!

Mcribb

There was a part of me the first time I quit was like. Ohhh noooes this isn't for me it's too much fun being drunk. I was sober for a couple months, I wasn't real happy being sober, but that was the first step into learning how to deal with other problems directly. What I am doing is reconizing the fact that I can't drink without going on a 3 day bender, and that I will never be a normal drinker. I don't feel great about what I have done, but I like to give myself alittle bit of credit for trying to get it right again. I was sober for 2 months then I drank a bit over a weekend, next was alittle more, than I started back into full blown benders again. The important thing is you are back and trying it again. There were some slaps in my face along the way. you have to be ready to quit and you have to put it number 1. I am finding out if you try to make career or girlfriend first. You aren't staying sober for long. Good luck.

Mcribb

I keep doing this bullcrap oh I am too busy for meetings with work, and if I am going to AA meetings I mine as well be taking grad school classes. I had to put that out of my head and say " do you want to stop or not"

Horselover

Glad you came back, but I hope you choose to stay. You say you shouldn't be here because you don't know if you want to quit forever and I can honestly understand that. I think if you look at my beginning posts I stated about the forever part. I still think of it, but not as often. The word forever startles me. I finally understand why the concept of "Day by Day" works.

Try the 30 days or whatever works for you. Live in the present. Don't be too hard on yourself, but hard enough that its productive if you know what I mean.

Mcribb

Oh by the way i has helped me reading the posts over and over and maybe writing peoples posts out by hand. It becomes more evident why you want to quit and hammer that thought down you should hear it, write it and say it.

puterdude

I have a hard time with the guilty feelings most of us can get when we slip a bit. Aren't we the ones that realize that we have issues with alcohol and are taking steps to deal with it!!!

We are taking steps to deal with it and that should always be applauded! But I do understand those guilty feelings as I've had them every time I've quit for a while intending for it to be forever, yet I've gone back to drinking.

Take care...mike

Mcribb

Some reasonable amount of guilt is ok by me. Or else my mind would say it is ok to slip up. It's not ok but get back at it

Lenina

I'm so glad to see you back! Keep on posting! I worry so much for the people who post a few times and then disappear. I have a few on my bed time list I think of and wish they would come back.

Shame kept me from sobriety for a lot of years.

Love,

Lenina

jinxblu

My "quits" are begining to border on double digits but I refuse to give up!!! Too many of you keep saying how wonderful long-term sobriety is....
If quitting was easy, there'd be no AA......hang in there...I am

least

I cannot remember how many times I tried and failed. Only important thing is I kept coming back. I know I want to stay sober forever but I have to stay sober just for today cause today is all I have.

You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.

Itsmytime

Thanks everyone,

Feeling so much better today. I was sober for five years in the past and I didn't even miss AL, but thought I could mod and three years later I am back, not as bad as I was, at least I know it is time to quit.

Thank again and BTW Day 3....

IMT

Pam08

Oh my, this is me, quit quit quit. That is my story. I did what you call relapse during outpatient rehab. , after going 26 days. and have since did the "Relapse" thing 3 more times. I had so much guilt and shame each time, I felt like such a weak person, but I got up and started at day one. I was told that if you have guilt and shame it is good, there is hope for a new beginning. Posting and AA is the biggest life changer for me. So much support and understanding between the two. In my immediate life no one understands what it is to feel like I do, no addicts of any sorts close to me. But here and AA, everyone understands. What I realised the last time I relapsed when cops, rescue/fire trucks and ambulance was called to my home is that I can't do this anymore, I will die if I do or be hauled off in a straight jacket. The shame to have to go outside my home and see the neighbors,,ughh, The relapses get worse, and I am truly afraid of the next one. Be strong, and know you are not alone. Keep plugging, that is what I am doing. :ghug

Lindsay

I'm glad I came across this thread. I was recently at 44 days sober, and I slipped. I couldn't even tell you why! It was just any other Tuesday afternoon at work. I got the urge, and acted on it.

That was about three weeks ago.

You often hear that relapse is a part of recovery...my ALL OR NOTHING way of thinking doesn't like the way that sounds! So of course relapsing to me lead to extreme feelings of guilt and failure. I still haven't found it in me to stop. I'm trying.