my introduction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 18
my introduction.
I have only had the opportunity to read just a few threads (as I am new here), however, it is obvious to me this forum is full of people that have good hearts and are here to help.
I don't consider myself an alcoholic, however, alcohol is a problem in my life. I've had my share of issues in my life. I suppose developing an alcohol problem doesn't occur without some sort of trigger point. I have had many difficult events in my life. I am currently struggling with sharing them as it seems like I'm complaining or making excuses for where I am in life, or more accurately, where I am not in my life.
I am a product of a dysfunctional family. I'm not sure even where to start. I am 43 years old and have enjoyed a successful career that I am thankful for, however, that's been the extent of any success in my life. I have good friends, but I've endured two failed marriages, a loss of my only sibling (my brother) due to suicide and the realization that my family is dysfunctional and nearly incapable of any real ability to love openly and honestly without strings attached or expectations. Unconditional love is simply non existant in my family. Thankfully I escaped that lack of ability. I am completely the opposite. That maybe is one of my downfalls where people seek people like me to take from...until I have no more to give.
That's kind of where I've been over the last 3 years...isolating myself from those that I feel are toxic, including my parents. The loss of my brother, to whom I was extremely close to, was and still is devistating to me. I went through counseling on a weekly basis for over a year and feel that I've accepted his loss to the extent possible. I feel like I have a healthy acceptance about his loss.
I can't seem to find the strength to deal with the issues in my family anymore. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around my parents. I'm tired of dealing with the drama they love and embrace, all the while getting nothing of value from them from an emotional perspective. I barely speak to my mother (my parents are divorced). I do interact with my father on a more regular basis, however, I've recently decided to distance myself from him over some disturbing events of late. My brother had 3 wonderful kids...I am glad to be able to see more of them over the last year (that has been a struggle too as his ex wife is a awful person who played a large role in his suicide).
I suppose that stuff is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak...again I feel like I'm crying "oh poor me" here and I don't wish to do that. I feel stuck in life...I used to be so driven. Since his loss, that drive left me. I'm just existing..and I can't attribute that all to drinking quite honestly. I use a quote from the movie "shawshenk redemption" "Get busy living, or get busy dying". I try to use that to inspire me to move forward with my life, yet I can't get that traction to really launch my life forward. I do acknowledge that since April I am making strides forward. I am trying to accept that maybe this time it will move more slowly than I used to be able to achieve earlier in my life.
I feel like if I can honestly say that if alcohol is an issue in my life, then I should quit. I haven't gone over a week without a drink in a long time. I drank on weekends in highschool and college, then I got married and didn't really drink at all for 8 years. Then I got divorced, started a new job and have been drinking nearly every day for the last 12 years. During those 12 years I dove into my career and enjoyed a lot of success. But now I am stuck working maybe 3 days a week and not doing much besides that. I used to work nearly 7 days a week. I have dealt with depression and anxiety disorders in my past. I do feel I am over those issues, however, I do find that I drink to deal with unresolved issues in my life. The major issues I face (loss of my brother and my family issues) will remain unresolved. My parents think they are perfect so...I have tried. They are older now so I really don't address the issues to save them the heartache I guess.
Anyway, that's my situation from a 30k foot level. I am on day 3 without a drink and would like that to continue. I've given thought to joining an AA meeting to get a feel for what it is like. I'm not sure I'd be accepted because I think you have to commit to never having a drink again. What do you suggest someone like me do? Give up drinking entirely? Is alcohol something that is an all or nothing issue?
I hope my post meets with approval and understanding. I am here to support others too.
Thanks for listening...
I don't consider myself an alcoholic, however, alcohol is a problem in my life. I've had my share of issues in my life. I suppose developing an alcohol problem doesn't occur without some sort of trigger point. I have had many difficult events in my life. I am currently struggling with sharing them as it seems like I'm complaining or making excuses for where I am in life, or more accurately, where I am not in my life.
I am a product of a dysfunctional family. I'm not sure even where to start. I am 43 years old and have enjoyed a successful career that I am thankful for, however, that's been the extent of any success in my life. I have good friends, but I've endured two failed marriages, a loss of my only sibling (my brother) due to suicide and the realization that my family is dysfunctional and nearly incapable of any real ability to love openly and honestly without strings attached or expectations. Unconditional love is simply non existant in my family. Thankfully I escaped that lack of ability. I am completely the opposite. That maybe is one of my downfalls where people seek people like me to take from...until I have no more to give.
That's kind of where I've been over the last 3 years...isolating myself from those that I feel are toxic, including my parents. The loss of my brother, to whom I was extremely close to, was and still is devistating to me. I went through counseling on a weekly basis for over a year and feel that I've accepted his loss to the extent possible. I feel like I have a healthy acceptance about his loss.
I can't seem to find the strength to deal with the issues in my family anymore. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around my parents. I'm tired of dealing with the drama they love and embrace, all the while getting nothing of value from them from an emotional perspective. I barely speak to my mother (my parents are divorced). I do interact with my father on a more regular basis, however, I've recently decided to distance myself from him over some disturbing events of late. My brother had 3 wonderful kids...I am glad to be able to see more of them over the last year (that has been a struggle too as his ex wife is a awful person who played a large role in his suicide).
I suppose that stuff is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak...again I feel like I'm crying "oh poor me" here and I don't wish to do that. I feel stuck in life...I used to be so driven. Since his loss, that drive left me. I'm just existing..and I can't attribute that all to drinking quite honestly. I use a quote from the movie "shawshenk redemption" "Get busy living, or get busy dying". I try to use that to inspire me to move forward with my life, yet I can't get that traction to really launch my life forward. I do acknowledge that since April I am making strides forward. I am trying to accept that maybe this time it will move more slowly than I used to be able to achieve earlier in my life.
I feel like if I can honestly say that if alcohol is an issue in my life, then I should quit. I haven't gone over a week without a drink in a long time. I drank on weekends in highschool and college, then I got married and didn't really drink at all for 8 years. Then I got divorced, started a new job and have been drinking nearly every day for the last 12 years. During those 12 years I dove into my career and enjoyed a lot of success. But now I am stuck working maybe 3 days a week and not doing much besides that. I used to work nearly 7 days a week. I have dealt with depression and anxiety disorders in my past. I do feel I am over those issues, however, I do find that I drink to deal with unresolved issues in my life. The major issues I face (loss of my brother and my family issues) will remain unresolved. My parents think they are perfect so...I have tried. They are older now so I really don't address the issues to save them the heartache I guess.
Anyway, that's my situation from a 30k foot level. I am on day 3 without a drink and would like that to continue. I've given thought to joining an AA meeting to get a feel for what it is like. I'm not sure I'd be accepted because I think you have to commit to never having a drink again. What do you suggest someone like me do? Give up drinking entirely? Is alcohol something that is an all or nothing issue?
I hope my post meets with approval and understanding. I am here to support others too.
Thanks for listening...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi and Welcome,
Yes, alcohol is an all or nothing issue if you are an alcoholic. And, only you can decide whtether or not you are an alcoholic. Once the invisible line is crossed, there is no going back.
You're right that drinking is usually a symptom of the issues in our lives that we have to deal with. That's why stopping drinking is only the beginning of the process.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
Yes, alcohol is an all or nothing issue if you are an alcoholic. And, only you can decide whtether or not you are an alcoholic. Once the invisible line is crossed, there is no going back.
You're right that drinking is usually a symptom of the issues in our lives that we have to deal with. That's why stopping drinking is only the beginning of the process.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
For many people it's too much to think of 'never' again drinking. It's easier and more accurate to just not drink for today, as today's all we have. By all means give AA a try. Lots of experience and hope in the rooms of AA.
I am so sorry for all the upheaval and loss in your life. It's hard enough to just 'live' without all the emotional baggage to carry around. Please stick around, read and post your thoughts and feelings. We're a pretty good group of people with a common purpose and will support you in your quest to stay sober.
Welcome to a great family!
I am so sorry for all the upheaval and loss in your life. It's hard enough to just 'live' without all the emotional baggage to carry around. Please stick around, read and post your thoughts and feelings. We're a pretty good group of people with a common purpose and will support you in your quest to stay sober.
Welcome to a great family!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to SR puterdude!
SR is a great place for support and information. I lurked here for a while and learned a lot. Then I made my first post and have been at home ever since.
One of the most helpful posts for me was the second post on the "alcoholism forum". That sticky post contains excerpts from the book "Under the Influence" It helped me to understand why I continued to over indulge and binge drink when I knew it was slowly killing me. I was physically addicted. I am an alcoholic. That knowledge has empowered me to become and stay sober.
Another great lesson learned here at SR: One day at a time. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow (can I have one drink w/friends at holidays?). Focus on today. Get through one day at a time sober.
Sobriety is awesome.
SR is a great place for support and information. I lurked here for a while and learned a lot. Then I made my first post and have been at home ever since.
One of the most helpful posts for me was the second post on the "alcoholism forum". That sticky post contains excerpts from the book "Under the Influence" It helped me to understand why I continued to over indulge and binge drink when I knew it was slowly killing me. I was physically addicted. I am an alcoholic. That knowledge has empowered me to become and stay sober.
Another great lesson learned here at SR: One day at a time. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow (can I have one drink w/friends at holidays?). Focus on today. Get through one day at a time sober.
Sobriety is awesome.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
I'm very sorry for your loss, it sounds like it affected you a lot. You seem to have great insight into what's troubling you, and that is really beneficial.
My life has also included a lot of grief and other situations that I dealt with by drinking, and I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out if I was an alcoholic or not. So I suggest you don't worry too much about labels such as "alcoholic" at this point; instead, asking yourself whether you would benefit from an alcohol-free life - and answering that question honestly - might be a better idea. Then you can follow through with whatever you decide. Like Anna said, the line between being a problem drinker and an alcoholic is very fine and invisible, so it's something worth pondering.
AA helps many people, as does counseling. Please bear in mind that, at a certain point, substance abuse takes a life of its own and becomes a problem in its own right. Why go looking for more problems?
Good luck with whatever you decide, please keep us posted. you will find a lot of support here.
My life has also included a lot of grief and other situations that I dealt with by drinking, and I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out if I was an alcoholic or not. So I suggest you don't worry too much about labels such as "alcoholic" at this point; instead, asking yourself whether you would benefit from an alcohol-free life - and answering that question honestly - might be a better idea. Then you can follow through with whatever you decide. Like Anna said, the line between being a problem drinker and an alcoholic is very fine and invisible, so it's something worth pondering.
AA helps many people, as does counseling. Please bear in mind that, at a certain point, substance abuse takes a life of its own and becomes a problem in its own right. Why go looking for more problems?
Good luck with whatever you decide, please keep us posted. you will find a lot of support here. Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
Hi and welcome, You have to decide if alcohol is a problem in your life. I know that it is in mine, I no longer drank socially or had control over it. I needed the alcohol, it took over my life.
From what i have learned here and in AA, it is either you are an alcoholic or you are not. Some people can have a drink and walk away. I have a drink and don't stop, not til I pass out. I tried to quit, tried to manage my drinking, be a social drinker like others, but I am not, I have no control over alcohol, it controls me. I am new at this but I know how i feel someone else might explain that better.
The only requirement for AA is the DESIRE to quite Drinking!!!!! That statement is made at each meeting. So check it out, you will find so much support and caring people there, and if you have the desire to quit you will continue. Only you can decide that.
I am on day 8 now..after quite a few relapses. One day at a time.
Good luck to you
Keep posting
Pam
From what i have learned here and in AA, it is either you are an alcoholic or you are not. Some people can have a drink and walk away. I have a drink and don't stop, not til I pass out. I tried to quit, tried to manage my drinking, be a social drinker like others, but I am not, I have no control over alcohol, it controls me. I am new at this but I know how i feel someone else might explain that better.
The only requirement for AA is the DESIRE to quite Drinking!!!!! That statement is made at each meeting. So check it out, you will find so much support and caring people there, and if you have the desire to quit you will continue. Only you can decide that.
I am on day 8 now..after quite a few relapses. One day at a time.
Good luck to you
Keep posting
Pam
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 18
Mattcake that makes a lot of sense. Why get hung up with labels when the real question is if i would be better off alcohol free. Considering everything in my life the answer is a resounding YES I would be better off.
Sometimes keeping things simple is complicated...
Sometimes keeping things simple is complicated...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 18
thank you
I will attend a local AA meeting this evening and give it a try. I know I can say without reservation that I'd love to be a non drinker.
I will stop back often...as I want to receive and provide support.
Thank you for your time and support. I appreciate it very much.
--mike
I will stop back often...as I want to receive and provide support.
Thank you for your time and support. I appreciate it very much.
--mike
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Congrats on reaching a decision! Seems to me that it's probably the right direction, too. Good luck with your meeting... and take good care of yourself
Last edited by Mattcake; 11-11-2008 at 07:52 AM. Reason: spelling
Good luck at your meeting. Keep posting, want to hear from you. I am off to my daily meeting in a few. Thank goodness for this place and AA, I would not be as far as I am right now.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Very sorry to hear of your loss-
Just wanted to Welcome you to SR! There is a lot of support here as you
see from above! Keep posting-you are not alone in this.
Good Luck at your meeting!
Just wanted to Welcome you to SR! There is a lot of support here as you
see from above! Keep posting-you are not alone in this.
Good Luck at your meeting!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My deepest condolences on the loss of your brother.
It's admrable that you are continuing to be in
his childrens life despite their Mother....Hugs
I am glad you are here and
Yes! AA is an awesome adventure.....
It's admrable that you are continuing to be in
his childrens life despite their Mother....Hugs
I am glad you are here and
Yes! AA is an awesome adventure.....
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