Harleygirl

I am the gf of an addict. We live together with his two children. I knew he was an addict going into this relationship. He was clean for about 6 months when we started dating. I have never considered his addiction to be something that I couldn't deal with until recently. It was suggested to me right at the beginning by both friends of mine and by friends of his, that I start going to Naranon meetings to help me deal with things that come up. I was told that eventually something would happen and my whole world would come crashing down around me....I held out, said I could do it on my own, that I didn't need help, but now I think that I should have gone. I know that going to a Naranon meeting wouldn't have changed what happened. If he was going to do it, he was going to do it. I think that would have just been maybe better prepared to deal with what happened and not feel like somehow this is my fault. I would like to know if anyone else has gone through this or something similar and how they dealt with it. Right now I am at a loss. I have just found out that he was sleeping with someone else while he was with me. He thinks that I should just forget it, that it shouldn't bother me and if it does bother me, he doesn't want to hear about it because it was before we were "officially" living together, and that to him doesn't count. He also told me that he wished he could care about the fact that I felt betrayed and hurt by his actions but he just doesn't. I found about it this through an online posting (done annon. ) bringing the details of it to my attention. He has admitted that it was true. Now he is turning it around and putting the blame for it on me. He says that he feels betrayed and violated because I am putting into question him, what he is doing now and other things in the past. I am not sure if this can be saved or even if I should try. I feel beat up .....emotionally..... especially after always being supportive of him and his recovery. I have always made sure that was a priority in our lives. If anyone has any suggestions or advice I would welcome them.

wooforever

Yes I would get tested right away. As for him blaming you, it is not your fault that he was liar when he started dating you. If he is very defensive with you that could mean that he is doing it again. I believe once a cheater always a cheater.

I would not sleep with him again unless he get tested also. It is for your own good, and his.

I would wonder why someone would tell you about this now, maybe to make you leave him or make him leave you. You can not control who he is going sleep with. Are you sure you want to be with someone that cheats.

hope213

welcome to S.R.
addicts blame, that is what they do. they do not accept the facts & blame everyone but themselves. read the stickys at the top of the forum. read around all the post. is this what you want to deaL with for as long as he wants to use. it is up to you. keep coming back,we have been where you are. you are in for a long hard road. you & him both will be in my prayers,

LowBottom

I think that "he just doesn't" [care] pretty much would say it all for me. Personally I would probably be trying to kill him just about then. Girl leave him to take care of his two kids and you get on that bike and ride off to your forever happiness without his non-caring arse. I know that's hard to do ...... but if someone tells us straight out "he just doesn't" then sista HE JUST DOESN'T.

There isn't much more than that.

~Good luck girl!

Alaia

(((Harleygirl))) I am sorry to hear you are going through this. What the others have said is very good advice. I don't know if I can offer any advice, but you have my support. Please make some time to take care of yourself. Be selfish and put yourself first for a change. Do you really want to be in a realtionship with someone who treats you this way? :praying

Harleygirl

Thank you everyone for the replies that you have posted. (((hugs))) I have already gone to get tested....now just waiting. I have some decisions to make...sometimes I think it is just as hard to decide to leave as what it is to decide to stay. I have to say that I met have met some of the greatest people through NA and Naranon - finally went to a meeting on the weekend. Thank you again for the support and for the advice.