mixing with others business?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
mixing with others business?
friends,
i would like to ask of your advice on an issue i've been thinking about for a while.
bascially if you see somebody doing something wrong do you get involved?
for example: treating their dog badly; yelling at their kids; fighting in the bar. stuff like that.
a few times i've seen such issues but i've always pretended not to see because i think "who am i to tell them. who am i to get mixed up in their bussiness. who am i to judge what's right and what's wrong".
i'd like to hear of your thoughts and oppinions.
i would like to ask of your advice on an issue i've been thinking about for a while.
bascially if you see somebody doing something wrong do you get involved?
for example: treating their dog badly; yelling at their kids; fighting in the bar. stuff like that.
a few times i've seen such issues but i've always pretended not to see because i think "who am i to tell them. who am i to get mixed up in their bussiness. who am i to judge what's right and what's wrong".
i'd like to hear of your thoughts and oppinions.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
I will always speak up for kids and animals, no matter what. Especially if I see someone hitting their dog - I'll yell at them to stop. If they don't stop, I call the police AND our Humane Society. If it's kids, and the parent continues to abuse the kid I call the cops and THEY call children's services. There's no excuse for cruelty.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
For children and animals YES and I have many times.
I feel it is my responsibility to speak for those who have no voice of their own.
Anything else though, I mind my own business.
I feel it is my responsibility to speak for those who have no voice of their own.
Anything else though, I mind my own business.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 106
I had a really bad experience when I called the police and child protective services on my next door neighbor who was seriously abusing his daughter. I used to own a row home, and we shared a party wall so I could hear it everytime he would go off on obscenity filled tirades against her. He would chase her up the stairs and I would hear things getting slammed around and I'd hear her sobbing. She was an emotionally messed up teenager whose mother sent her from florida to live with her father (my neighbor). I would hear him scream at her that nobody wanted her and if she didn't shape up he'd put her in foster care. I used to be friends with him and his wife, and I used to talk to him about his anger. I'd finally had enough, and told him that his abusive behavior was so bad that I was either going to call the police on him or move out. We had a horrible falling out, and afterwards, I told him that in the future, I would act as my conscience had always dictated and call the police.
After our falling out, things quieted down for a few months then started back up again. It is so incredibly stressful when you hear someone being abused, and I'd finally had enough. I called the police and CPS and he was put under investigation. His daughter already had a social worker because she had been convicted of sexually abusing a neighbor's little girl, and I saw how the social worker conducted her visits. She was scared of dogs, so she would just stand on their front porch and talk to them through the screen door. His daughter is so messed up and desperate for his attention, that I know that she denied any abuse.
Once the investigation was over, he began abusing me every day. We lived on a dead end street and mine was the last house on the block, so he could get away with directing a lot of his abuse towards me without the neighbors hearing him. He would sit outside my kitchen window several times a week and just go off about me for hours. He would destroy things on my property, bang on my walls at all hours of the day, and he even threatened to kill me and my boyfriend. The police did nothing. I had no witnesses and it was only my word against his. The neighbors were annoyed with me for calling the police on him all of the time--believe me, it was a nightmare. He is so unstable emotionally and one of my neighbors who had heard him going off on me one morning and who had originally intended to intervene on my behalf came up to me later on and said that she was afraid to intervene because he had no boundaries and she didn't know what he would do to her.
I was so happy when I sold my house and got away from the situation. Would I do it again--most likely not. The daughter didn't get any help and I know from neighbors who still live there that he is still doing the exact same thing. It sucks that some people have children who have absolutely no business being around children. Personally, I'm not sure that I would put my own safety in jeopardy again. I'd like to think that I would, but I'm not sure I'd want to go through hell with a psychopath again.
After our falling out, things quieted down for a few months then started back up again. It is so incredibly stressful when you hear someone being abused, and I'd finally had enough. I called the police and CPS and he was put under investigation. His daughter already had a social worker because she had been convicted of sexually abusing a neighbor's little girl, and I saw how the social worker conducted her visits. She was scared of dogs, so she would just stand on their front porch and talk to them through the screen door. His daughter is so messed up and desperate for his attention, that I know that she denied any abuse.
Once the investigation was over, he began abusing me every day. We lived on a dead end street and mine was the last house on the block, so he could get away with directing a lot of his abuse towards me without the neighbors hearing him. He would sit outside my kitchen window several times a week and just go off about me for hours. He would destroy things on my property, bang on my walls at all hours of the day, and he even threatened to kill me and my boyfriend. The police did nothing. I had no witnesses and it was only my word against his. The neighbors were annoyed with me for calling the police on him all of the time--believe me, it was a nightmare. He is so unstable emotionally and one of my neighbors who had heard him going off on me one morning and who had originally intended to intervene on my behalf came up to me later on and said that she was afraid to intervene because he had no boundaries and she didn't know what he would do to her.
I was so happy when I sold my house and got away from the situation. Would I do it again--most likely not. The daughter didn't get any help and I know from neighbors who still live there that he is still doing the exact same thing. It sucks that some people have children who have absolutely no business being around children. Personally, I'm not sure that I would put my own safety in jeopardy again. I'd like to think that I would, but I'm not sure I'd want to go through hell with a psychopath again.
Last edited by cece1960; 11-07-2008 at 08:57 PM.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
ClimbingUp, your former neighbors, as well as your police dept, are some really unprintable words!! I can't blame you for your feelings, I only wish I could deal with cops and neighbors like that these days! I have so much pent up rage I doubt no one would bother me twice, even a psychotic guy like that poor girl's father.
You did what you could do, it's the fault of the children's services and the cops that nothing was done right. YOu still did the right thing tho, as interfering in abuse is always the right thing to do. Someone has to scream "enough!".
You did what you could do, it's the fault of the children's services and the cops that nothing was done right. YOu still did the right thing tho, as interfering in abuse is always the right thing to do. Someone has to scream "enough!".
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Well, it would depend. I generally do not like to get involved in other ppl's bar fights, however if someone is hurting their child or their animal, I would speak up. (Not yelling though, even though that can be mean too)
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Individual case-by-case basis decision. I turn it over to my Higher Power and seek the answer, each time.
Individual case-by-case basis decision. I turn it over to my Higher Power and seek the answer, each time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I'm not very good about saying something about abuse that goes on around me. fortunately i haven't had to see much of that and when i had a neibor who was a wife beater others called the police so I didn't have to.
I did want to mention though that in considering this issue...there are many adults who also have no voice for a variety of reasons....I was abused as a child and had no voice...but I really didn't have a voice at the age of 29 either. Today I do....small and squeky as it is
. But age is not the only determining factor .... i didn't choose to keep my mouth shut...i simply didn't know i could do anything about it, and a choice isn't really a choice for me if I am unaware of it as an option for me.
I did want to mention though that in considering this issue...there are many adults who also have no voice for a variety of reasons....I was abused as a child and had no voice...but I really didn't have a voice at the age of 29 either. Today I do....small and squeky as it is
. But age is not the only determining factor .... i didn't choose to keep my mouth shut...i simply didn't know i could do anything about it, and a choice isn't really a choice for me if I am unaware of it as an option for me.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I agree that one shouldn't sit by and do nothing...especially in the case of a child or animal. Sometimes it's possible to take some action with spousal abuse, too. No one has mentioned "senior abuse", and there is a lot of that around. I guess you have to let your conscience be your guide.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
hi aldo...
agreed, its not easy to see children and animals abused...
my take...
to thine own self be true...
as long as were willing to bear any, and all the consequences of our actions...
nail the sucker!
ciao!
agreed, its not easy to see children and animals abused...
my take...
to thine own self be true...
as long as were willing to bear any, and all the consequences of our actions...
nail the sucker!
ciao!
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