Why do i make things so hard for myslef?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Why do i make things so hard for myslef?
I have had a crazy week. The ex-abf stealing the car and me having to report it stolen. Then going to court to see what was going to happen with the checks he stole and forged. The car was returned. He has asked me to drop the charges...but I haven't yet. He begged for a few days to try and get into a detox (no insurance). I agreed to the few days, but now it's friday. There are no available beds for him. He wants to stay at my house because he has nowhere to go. I want him to leave. I wanted him to leave wednesday, but i gave him the 2 days he begged for. Now he's whining about nowhere to go. He even went to see his son and begged me to let him take him for the weekend. I want no part of this. I told him no. I have asked him nicely to leave. I even told him I will call the police if I have to and he will get locked up because he was ordered by the judge to stay away from me. I told him he made the choices to steal from his parents on sunday and he chose to steal the car and push me away from him and now he has to figure this out on his own. He thinks he has been doing good for himself except for this. (which is not true) But I don't want to deal with him anymore. I hate trying to figure out what is the truth and what is not. It's my turn to be selfish. Please pray for me.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
What happened between last week and this week when you were so adimant bout him leaving and really holding your own? You wanted him out you did well standing your ground. Why did you get back on the rollarcoaster for another ride. He will use and manipulate you forever if you let him. NO is a complete sentence and you can jump off the roller coaster whenever your ready. Addicts are resourceful he will find a place to sleep he will make end meet but as long as you feel sorry and compasion nothing is going to change. I was so proud of you last week you were strong. Dig deep stop feeling sorry for him he did this to himself he stold from you, his parents and whoever else will let him get away with it. He will eventually leave u alone once he sees your not going to give in. I have been where you are and the only way I could move on was NO contact not with parents, friends anyone cause they always suck u in by telling you what is going on. Give yourself a WHOLE MONTH without contact and I promise you he will be alive and good. Do this for yourself. Get off the ride cause as long as you keep getiing on the roller coaster the more he will take u for a ride trust me. :codiepolice
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
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You just have to find the strength to do what YOU want to do.
I would suggest that if you decide you are going to force him out that instead of threatening you just do it - that way by the time he finds out its because the police are telling him. I've called 911 before with my AS and I can tell you it can get very scary while you are waiting for them. A lot can happen in those few minutes and if the 911 operator doesnt feel your in dire straights they can take a while to get there. I've had times i had to call them three times and each time i was more and more desperate - untill they thought that someone was in immediate danger they didnt rush over. Try to be safe - people in this state of mind have a way of going overboard. It will be much safer if the police tell him to leave.
I would suggest that if you decide you are going to force him out that instead of threatening you just do it - that way by the time he finds out its because the police are telling him. I've called 911 before with my AS and I can tell you it can get very scary while you are waiting for them. A lot can happen in those few minutes and if the 911 operator doesnt feel your in dire straights they can take a while to get there. I've had times i had to call them three times and each time i was more and more desperate - untill they thought that someone was in immediate danger they didnt rush over. Try to be safe - people in this state of mind have a way of going overboard. It will be much safer if the police tell him to leave.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
I wish you strength in your coming weekend. You mentioned something about a restraining order. If you let him voluntarily back in the judge will fing you in fault and not reinforce anything in your favor. You need to have him removed immediately. His son is his problem. After you cave to let him have the boy then next week it will be something else. Or promises of nothing that will ever come to light. ANd yes, I will absolutely pray for you. You will need it for everyday you let him in your life. But you do have my sincere prayers.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Originally Posted by GwenMarie30 
I wish you strength in your coming weekend. You mentioned something about a restraining order. If you let him voluntarily back in the judge will fing you in fault and not reinforce anything in your favor. You need to have him removed immediately. His son is his problem. After you cave to let him have the boy then next week it will be something else. Or promises of nothing that will ever come to light. ANd yes, I will absolutely pray for you. You will need it for everyday you let him in your life. But you do have my sincere prayers.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
might help to read this part again:
The ex-abf stealing the car and me having to report it stolen. Then going to court to see what was going to happen with the checks he stole and forged.
let's say a stranger busted into your house, stole your checks, took your car keys, and took off in your car. forged a bunch of checks that cost YOU money and you had to file reports with the police department.
the next day, would you invite said thief over to dinner? would you allow him further entree into your life after such a violation? then why is THIS guy any different???????
The ex-abf stealing the car and me having to report it stolen. Then going to court to see what was going to happen with the checks he stole and forged.
let's say a stranger busted into your house, stole your checks, took your car keys, and took off in your car. forged a bunch of checks that cost YOU money and you had to file reports with the police department.
the next day, would you invite said thief over to dinner? would you allow him further entree into your life after such a violation? then why is THIS guy any different???????
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
It may help to make yourself a list of boundaries and a todo list of what is going to happen this weekend. Make it possitive for you.
Maybe something along this line?
1 Go home and tell addict to get out and he has 1 hour to do it. 30 minutes if he wants to argue. Then either leave and go see a friend or stay to make sure he doesnt steal anything else. But have your phone in hand when the hour is up to call cops if he isnt gone.
2 Make sure you get someting good to eat.
3 Call a friend to come over and hang out or go there.
4 Turn phone off (only after you block his number)
5 Go buy something cute for yourself.
6 Eat a pint of Hagen Daz before bed. (comfort food-you deserve it)
7 The next day go about cleaning everything he left behind and throw it in a dumpster. If its something of value, oh well, he would have taken it with him. This gives him a less of a chance to say oh I left that there, can I come get it?
8 Spend the weekend crying over him. But then do something to pull yourself up.
9 Keep very busy to not think of him. Write a book if you have to. It helps to get it out or call a friend and talk both ears off.
10 Grab your best girlfriend and go see the movie Madagascar 2. Its out this weekend. And kids movies help us to forget about being an adult for just a little bit.
Maybe something along this line?
1 Go home and tell addict to get out and he has 1 hour to do it. 30 minutes if he wants to argue. Then either leave and go see a friend or stay to make sure he doesnt steal anything else. But have your phone in hand when the hour is up to call cops if he isnt gone.
2 Make sure you get someting good to eat.
3 Call a friend to come over and hang out or go there.
4 Turn phone off (only after you block his number)
5 Go buy something cute for yourself.
6 Eat a pint of Hagen Daz before bed. (comfort food-you deserve it)
7 The next day go about cleaning everything he left behind and throw it in a dumpster. If its something of value, oh well, he would have taken it with him. This gives him a less of a chance to say oh I left that there, can I come get it?
8 Spend the weekend crying over him. But then do something to pull yourself up.
9 Keep very busy to not think of him. Write a book if you have to. It helps to get it out or call a friend and talk both ears off.
10 Grab your best girlfriend and go see the movie Madagascar 2. Its out this weekend. And kids movies help us to forget about being an adult for just a little bit.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
He's off to detox, got a bed and the place he is going has their own holding...so with any luck he will finally get to the holding after detox and then get into a program.
I am going out dancing :-) No more drama.
I am going out dancing :-) No more drama.
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