embraced2000

after being in recovery for over three years, i let my xah back into my life because he had been sober for over 18 months and doing so well.
it took about 2 months for the hell to start all over again. i let him make me invisible all over again. i let him pick the meat right from my bones. i let him beat me into submissiveness again.

i got fired from my job after 12 years. i totally gave up, went to the bedroom and just stayed there. then i tried to take my own life.

while i was in the hospital, he had my beloved rudy-dog put to sleep. i have lost rudy. he was my best friend.

surely, the vet wouldn't have put him to sleep if he thought he could have been saved, would he???????

i feel so lost, so stupid, so hopeless, so fragile.

the psych has me on so much meds, that i feel like a zombie.

my friends and family are so shocked at what i tried to do.....and i am, too.

i am now living with my mother, and i am so grateful to be in a positive, loving enviroment. but i feel guilty about that, too. i should be taking care of her instead of the other way around.

just needed to share
jeri

LaTeeDa

Aw Jeri. I'm so glad you came here to lean on us. We've got your back, you know? And don't feel bad about going home to mom--that's what mom's are for. I hope my children will think of me as their port in a storm no matter what.

I know you will get your serenity back. And did I mention how happy I am you are here? :ghug3

L

Stubborn1

(((((((((JERI))))))))))) You need to be in that loving enviroment. I had to put down my dog many moons ago and it was very hard. Time makes it easier. I still have days I cry and miss her and that's ok because I really loved her. I went on to have two big goldens whom I adore. Hang in there. Happiness will come again to you.
Losing a pet that is dear to your heart is sooooooo hard. Your xah is a jerk. I believe in God and I believe your xah will get paid back one way or another.
Your life is so precious. I hope you recover soon.
You made a mistake, tomorrow is a new day. Lots of love and happiness coming your way sweetness.
I am so sorry for your loss ^i^

embraced2000

thanks L and stubborn......it means alot to be able to come here and get support.

all those years of hard work under my belt to let go and then to wind up right back at square one was kinda hard to understand. felt so strong and healed and that i had the tools to keep myself healthy when i first let him back into my life again. i sure underestimated the situation.

jeri

JenT1968

:ghug2

<delurking>

I am sorry you are feeling like this, I was never a big poster and have only recently come back to this site, but I remember you and your posts well: a wise, beautiful, intelligent, warm, funny woman.



what-LaTeeda-said.

You deserve kindness and love, from those around you, and from yourself: I am glad you are here.

and gosh:
whilst I can't speak for others, I doubt there's a person on this board who hasn't got turned this into an art-form, i know I have.

FormerDoormat

Jeri: I've been doing animal rescue for many years. We work with lots of vets who ask us to take in viable animals who's owners want to put them to sleep. Regardless of it's age, if the animal is healthy most vets would refuse to put them to sleep. What they typically do is ask the owners to sign a release and then contact a local rescue group, who will help rehome the dogs. Luckily, there are plenty of folks who will welcome geriatric dogs into their home.

So my answer to your question, is if the vet put Rudy down, he/she felt it was in Rudy's best interest. If they didn't put him down, they placed in a rescue group. Do you ask the vet personally if Rudy was PTS or are you just going by what your Ex claims?

I'm glad you're back. You belong here where you're loved. When you're feeling better and your life is back in order, perhaps you can visit a local rescue group in your area and give a geriatric dog a fine retirement in honor of Rudy.

FormerDoormat

Jeri: I've been doing animal rescue for many years. We work with lots of vets who ask us to take in viable animals who's owners want to put them to sleep. Regardless of it's age, if the animal is healthy most vets would refuse to put them to sleep. What they typically do, is ask the owners to sign a release and then contact a local rescue group, who will help rehome the dogs. Luckily, there are plenty of folks who will welcome geriatric dogs into their home.

So my answer to your question, is if the vet put Rudy down, he/she felt it was in Rudy's best interest. If they didn't put him down, they placed in a rescue group. Did you ask the vet personally if Rudy was PTS or are you just going by what your Ex claims?

I'm glad you're back. You belong here where you're loved. When you're feeling better and your life is back in order, perhaps you can visit a local rescue group in your area and give a geriatric dog a fine retirement in honor of Rudy.

londonvanpelt

((Jeri))

I am so sorry about what happened to you. I am glad you're in a good place right now. Please don't feel ashamed about what has happened. Just stay in the moment and take each day as it comes. I will be praying for you. God love ya.

London

cmc

(((Jeri)))

You are not lost, stupid or hopeless....and there is nothing wrong with being fragile. Being fragile is temporary, I hope that you are being gentle with yourself, and allow yourself some time to heal and space to recover from all the pain.

justaboutus

Suicidal thoughts/actions is when your troubles overcome your coping skills/support. Your actions are increasing your support so you can cope with your troubles. You're on the right road again. Keep going.

Pajarito

(((Jeri))) I am glad you are here and so sorry about your beloved dog. Please take care of yourself- let your mom take care of you. If my dd felt she needed me- no matter what her age- I would take her in and care for her without any hesitation. Soak your mom's love up. And know you are not alone.

Jadmack25

You have had a terrible time and my heart goes out to you for it.
How wonderful that you are able to be with your mum, and she is there for you when you need her. Don't fret about it. Mums don't stop being mums, it is not a 18 or 21 year job, it's for all time.

My wonderful mum is my dearest friend, and we have a chat every day on the phone, as we are 3000 ks apart. If I am worried, feeling ill, down or whatever, she is there for me and I do the same for her.
The fact that I am in my mid 60's and a grandmum and she is 97 years old doesn't change our relationship at all.

I don't now what I will do without her, but it is something that will happen and I will miss her love, wisdom and support more than anything in the world.

Take the opportunity to enjoy her now and thank your XAH for being the reason. Yes he has been cruel and caused you great pain and loss, so take being with your mum as the 1 good thing that has come out of the mess he's caused you.

God bless

Rella927

Jeri So sorry that you are going through this however I have known you for sometime now and have faith that you will pull yourself through this-I have seen your strength shine on these boards-Sometimes our slate will be wiped clean....

This is far from what you are but, I know it is how we can feel-As CmC stated it is "Temporary". So happy to see that you came here and shared with us! I'am sure your Mom understands what you are going through so just embrace the comfort that she is able to give you right now and take care of yourself-there is still time to provide her with care and love when you are out of your "In between"

I lost my job in September, along with my new home I was to move into October 1st-and have been staying at my girlfriends house who is going through a lot of stuff of her own-There are days I feel so lost and helpless because I can hardly care for my own issues and trying to deal with finding a new home/job etc....but I know that this is my "in between" and there is a reason....and I have faith that you and I and others who are in turmoil are going to come out shining better and greater than before!

Be gentle to you Jeri-and know how much we all love you and are here for you always!

P.S. I love what FD stated about honoring Rudy with another rescue....I put my 18 year old down last year and I knew it my heart it was the right thing to do....but I asked the Vet anyway! It is just what we do when we love our animals so much as they are our family! I can honestly say that I do not think there is a Vet in the world that would put an animal down if it was not the right time....Check out Rainbows Bridge Home Page I have Trixie there and it was a HUGE comfort to me!

embraced2000

thanks so much everyone....your words have been very comforting.

rudy has been gone since august and i still feel like i've left him somewhere and forgot to pick him up. i still feel him walking around me on my bed like he used to do before he plopped down at my back and snuggled in for the night.

thanks for the info, fd....what made me wonder so much was that whenever rudy had the problem that he had in the past, he would give him a steroid shot and some pills and rudy always was just fine in a day or two. he was old, and although he was a very small dog, he would hurt his hindquarters when he tried to jump up on the bed or couch....or jump off.

i always tried to pick him up when i knew he was trying to get up on something, and even had him some doggy stairs to place up against the bed and the couch.

anyway, thanks to you all.....hugs to all of you and i love you all

jeri

prodigal

((((jeri)))) I'm glad you're here with us and I'm very saddened that you have gone through such a trying time. Please know that YOU saved me from going gaa-gaa many weekends when I sat on this board enjoying your marvelous sense of humor.

Honey, you may feel lost right now and fragile, but I know you have a great deal of inner strength. You have love to give. And, dammit, I don't want to lose you!!!! I have missed your presence here very much.

My heart breaks that you lost your beloved Rudy. I have three cats and a dog and I know how painful it is when I've had to put my past furchildren down.

Take care, and much love from me to you.

GiveLove

(((((Jeri)))))

Everything's going to be okay now. You had a serious bump in the road, that is all. But I would bet that you learned a valuable lesson from it all that you won't forget -- and that means that kind of suffering will never happen to you again. I know it's hard to believe at this point, but life really can get better and better from here on out. Sometimes it takes a very dark place to really bring us back into the light.

Hugs to you -- and to Rudy, who is no doubt watching you with a waggy tail from the rainbow bridge. My Jack is there with him.