ClimbingUP

Whew, I have just had the strongest urge to drink. I have been sitting here trying to rationalize why I should be able to go to the liquor store and buy myself a bottle of wine. I’m really embarrassed to admit this, because for the past 11 days, I haven’t had such an urge. I even went to an AA meeting this morning, which for the most part, was really rewarding.

I’m trying to understand why this happened. I had to be honest with someone this morning and doing so brought on some feelings of anxiety. Then, I happened on the TV show Las Vegas, and one of the characters was drinking to relieve stress, and I wanted that drink. This has happened to me in the past--I’ll be watching a TV show or movie or reading a book where people are drinking, and it makes me want to drink. It feels good to understand what my triggers are, even though in the moment, it's hard to make those realizations.

When I‘m rationalizing, I think that I should be able to drink like everyone else. I should be able to relieve stress by a glass of wine. I thought I could continue to go to AA and get what I need there but still allow myself to drink one or two days a week. What halted my rationalization was realizing that the desire I was feeling for a drink was not normal. It’s irrational and manic and a reaction to feeling anxiety. The mere fact that I feel like I need alcohol is the problem. I’m not sure what a non-alcoholic’s relationship to alcohol is. I don’t know how they feel when they get the urge to have a drink.

Man, am I glad I was able to talk myself down. There’s another AA meeting in a bit--I think I’m going to go. Funny--what I shared this morning at AA was my fear of rationalizing why I should be able to drink. I wish my brain had an off switch sometimes.

least

Way to go on resisting that urge!:ghug3

It does get better, I promise!

TTOSBT

Climbingup,
I think it is SO wonderful that you are here sharing that. You are not alone. I can so relate to the irrational rationalization. Keep yourself in as many meetings as you can get to if it helps. I know it does for me!
I have almost 6 months and I walked through Rite Aid the other day and SO wanted a drink, it was scary! AND my favorite wine was on sale. Ugh.
Let's be strong together :ghug3

BreakFree

ClimbingUP...That is SO AWESOME that you were able to identify and work through your urges. Thank you so much for sharing that with us! WAY TO GO! :) :) :)

shanman422

Hey ClimbingUp... please don't ever feel embarrassed about admitting to us how things are going for you. We will not judge you... we are all here for the same reason and that's for the much needed support that we get here in SR. I'm very proud of you for getting yourself through that urge! Keep your head up... you doing AWESOME!!!!!

ClimbingUP

I just got back from another AA meeting and I'm feeling better.

Although, I'm starting to wonder if AA is going to be for me. I know that there are a lot of people in AA who have had long term sobriety who know a thing or two. But it seems like when some people find out that I'm newly sober, they automatically take on this attitude that I don't know anything about myself. I was in therapy for a long time and I have a really good grasp of who I am and what my demons are. I don't cling to false perceptions of myself to protect a fragile ego. I didn't get here by accident either--I have worked really hard to learn how to accept myself and be a better person. I am a completely different person than I was in my early twenties, and I listen to people in AA struggle with things that I dealt with a long time ago and I know that we are not at the same level of personal growth no matter how long they've been sober.

So when I get this attitude of 'you don't know anything', I just have to hold my tongue. Today, for instance, I was talking to a woman who I had seen yesterday and I know that she's been in the program for a long time. I said that I've been going to different meetings trying to find one that I really liked. She immediately came back with "Why do you go to different meetings? You try different meetings because you don't like yourself." I was like, What? I explained that, no, it's not because I don't like myself but because different meetings have different vibes and I want to check out the meetings in the area to find ones where I felt most comfortable. She couldn't get off the whole you don't like yourself bit though. I don't think that I could get advice from someone like her who thinks that their way is the only way.

I know, I'm not going to want to be friends with everyone I meet in AA. It's just a bit of turn off to meet people that irk me so soon in my program.

Anna

Hi,

I do agree that we are all at different points in this journey.

I'm not an AA person, but I would say that you should see what you can learn from the people and the meetings. Since I began recovery, I have found something to learn from every single person I have met. Sometimes when I meet someone that I take an instant dislike to, I find I have to look inward and see what that is telling me.

I think the bottom line, is to follow your instincts and do what you think will work for you.

four812

thanks for sharing this climbingup

and good job

i'm having things come up everyday: stresses or frustrations or thoughts/urges..

I appreciate hearing about your sucess with walking through the urge you had today as well

Jersey Nonny

Perhaps what they really mean to say is that you don't know much about recovery, and you still have much to learn. Being newly sober, can be a very sensitive time, so try not to let it get to you. Instead of holding your tongue, you might say something like, "I'm new, but one thing I know for sure is that I don't want to drink."

There's absolutely nothing wrong with going to several different meetings. I'll be celebrating 29 continuous years of sobriety this month, and I went to a different meeting every day for 25 years...sometimes two in one day. If anyone questions this, just tell them you're trying to find the meeting where you feel the most comfortable, so you can decide on joining a group. And, this is exactly what you should be doing!

Please don't let a few people dissuade you from being a part of AA. Keep posting/reading in Sober Recovery, and the best of luck to you in your recovery.

CarolD

Hmm..
toxic people are in AA just as they are everywhere.
I try my best to avoid them.

At my noon meeting...I had to grit my teeth when a
long member shared "I am sick and so are you"

um ...er.... ...I am not sick I have recovered!

I had already shared...but I caught up to him
afterwards. I told him his opinion was simply crap!

Climbing UP...you are making awesome progress
tell that fact to anyone saying differently...

Good job on dtaying in focus

Dee74

Deefucius say:
a wise man should always take counsel, but in the end he makes up his own mind

LOL
D

Ago

I was talking to a guy I knew about that break up I was having a couple of weeks ago and how hard it was and I was rereading old emails to try and see where it went wrong and he just went OFF about rereading old emails because I just wanted to stay sick and the truth of the matter was I just wanted to subjugate this woman and it was about dominate dominate dominate he got all worked up

I was like whoa there Bucky, step away with the ball gag and Black vinyl outfit

I was like, look, it's Zed from Pulp fiction and if I'm not careful that boy is gonna turn me into "The Gimp"

Some are sicker then others, viewed correctly it's actually amusing

I mean it's like people who "project" have no idea what they are revealing about themselves, they just open their mouth and out comes "Your problem is"(___insert my problem here, I know I'm giving you advice, but truthfully this has nothing to do with you, and I'm telling you all about me___)

like hmmm...I liked your share about Obama, however I feel it reveals that the truth is that you secretly like Tinkly Winkly and have Gender Identification issues

ummm.....OK...(now Andrew gets perverse...cause I'm evil that way)....I think you may be onto something...tell me more......

If you had agreed with that woman, and said really? you think so? why?

she would have launched into a story that would have beautifully illustrated my point I bet

IO Storm

Woo hoooo!

Sic em, Carol (and Jerz)!

Sometimes I just don't understand old timers..you know.

I asked my sponsor about this myself. She has 24 years...and she said..

"Just because they have a lot of time doesn't mean they have a good quality

of time..maybe they stopped working their program awhile back."

yeah..Climbing UP, don't let it get to you.

It is great that you are going to many meetings.

This is how I found the ones I liked..and soon, you may find one you can

call a "home group"..that just "feels right."

Take your time..with no pressure.

Kudos on your efforts too, BTW.

Many hugs from me.

P.S.

There are no gurus or experts. My advice? Listen to the ones

who are the most kind and helpful...