bookwyrm

Yesterday I slipped up in my detachment with my AH. We had been exchanging emails about him getting some stuff from the house and signing a separation agreement. He is in full blown victimhood. Usually, I just let it all go and ignore it as so much quacking but yesterday he really got to me. I sent a bitter sarcastic response in the heat of the moment. Now I've just given him more ammunition and I'm just so fed up of it!

I'm tired of being told how I failed to support him, how I never listen to a word he says, how I've changed too much, how lazy and fat I am, how devious and mean I am, that I'm trying to push all his buttons (not even sure what he means by that) :wtf2 and make things as awkward for him as possible. How he has done nothing wrong (lying, other woman, verbal abuse? Nah, must have been someone else) and doesn't understand it when I say I can't trust him.

I've been working on getting the house cleaned up and decorated to try and sell it - almost every weekend is spent on it and it is nearly finished (thankfully). He hasn't lifted a finger - but everything I've done is wrong. I swear if I see his sneer one more time I won't be responsible for my actions.

Responding to any of the above just brings out more verbal attacks. makes me want to scream in frustration right now - Aaaargh! There is just no point in defending myself to him - he just takes it as a challenge.

I thought I had dealt with my anger - where has all this come from?!

You know, deep down it really hurts me. I had rationalised it all. I'm much better off without him - I can't wait to be truly free of him. But... he was my best friend. He was supposed to care and keeps telling me even now that he wants to be friends - after all you don't spend 18 years with someone and then cut them out of your life according to him. Hah.

What did I do to deserve this? I feel betrayed.

I've been a bit down the past few weeks and now I'm damn angry. I want my peace back!

Pajarito

Good grief woman- are we living the same life? Right down to the 18 years your story is so similar to mine. In my post (Wrath of his mom) you reminded me to detach and set boundaries- I had "forgotten" to do that with STBXAH over the weekend- see "My Big Fat Relapse" thread- and now I need to do the same with MIL and his family. It's exhausting- isn't it? Hang in there. I am right here with you! And- doing some of the same things- like getting the house ready to sell ALONE! STBXAH wrote me an email recently saying "we" need to get the house sold soon. Right- who's we?

A friend of mine saw a t-shirt in a store the other day and thought of me. It says, "Don't make me use my super powers!" I am pulling super powers out of my pocket left and right- everyday is something new to deal with- but you know- I feel like I am going to be better off for this experience- stronger for sure. Take care of yourself- it's so hard, but taking a time out when he's in your face may do you some good. ((()))

bookwyrm

You know, I have the same thought when I read your posts I wonder if we were twins separated at birth?! Spooky!

I love the thought of having superpowers - I want that T-shirt!

Thanks for the support - as you know it just gets too much sometimes.:ghug3

LaTeeDa

That's it! You've got it! Now, keep repeating this to yourself over and over until you really believe it.

It was a very painful process for me to go through, too. I had to let go of other people's opinions of me. I had to learn to base my self-worth and validation on my own beliefs. All my life I learned to value myself on the basis of how much others valued me. And when they didn't, my self-worth plummeted right along with their opinions of me.

These days I see myself as a valuable, beautiful, flawed being. I have as much right to be who I am as anyone else does. What someone else thinks of me is their opinion, which they have every right to. But, it doesn't require my agreement. Nor does it require my convincing them otherwise.

L

MsPINKAcres

"Don't make me use my super powers!"

I love it!!!!

Sounds like he is really doing a lot of "quacking" - hate you are hearing all that right now -

Remember the tools of your recovery to process your anger - sometimes layers of it come up and we still have to deal with it to help ourselves heal.

((HUGS))

Rita

denny57

Maybe the anger comes from re-engaging with someone with whom there is presently no reasoning.

No contact worked for me through the process and I highly recommend it.

Pajarito

Yes- I agree with this one- also with LTD's entire post. It took me a few times banging my head against the wall to realize that there is no "reasoning" with STBXAH. Unfortunately because we have a child together I need to learn how to deal with him when it's necessary. One thing my counselor told me yesterday is to stop being surprised. Arg! 18 years with this man- why does he still surprise me? No more beating my head against the wall.

I am now guarding myself from STBXAH. I'm also learning to step back. There's no reason to answer a question right now! I can take time to think and get back to him. I can call a friend when I'm angry or sad. I can journal. If I leave him out of the equation as much as possible, I can continue to hone my super powers! And what LTD wrote is so key for me these days- to believe in myself and realize I'm not perfect, but I have every right to be happy. Keep your chin up bookwyrm. . . You're doing great! :ghug3

GiveLove

As the old expression goes, "with friends like this, who needs enemies?"

Hang in there, bookwyrm. And try to find some friends who truly accept and care for you.