splendra

I was a really mean drunk During the time I was drinking I was able to keep all other addicts out of my life. Cause I would kick their asses big time. I have kicked some major addict butt in my day. Mostly with words by the way. I only kicked their physical butt when they touched.

I can really feel that a good weekend drunk would get all the addicts out of my life. My body says oh hell no don't do it. But my soul is saying you better do something soon bitch. Tequila really does get me in touch with my anger ya know maybe just a couple of shots to give in a little push in the anger department.

I know my body does not really does not want it but jesus christ on a cracker I am tired of all this stuff. I can feel the gall being produced as we speak. interesting...maybe I will just mentally do some tequilia

splendra

I suppose this post seems kinda scary to some of my friends here. I am not going to pull a weekend drunk so don't worry about me on that.

I tend to try to eliminate my anger and I do not think this is always good given that anger is a powerful motivator.

Don't be afraid to comment. I am okay I am just cleaning the house and doing my regular thing. I am trying to pump myself up a little though

Chino

The addicts might leave your life but you'll still have a mean drunk occupying it.

I re-read a thread you posted the other day about anger. It came down to you needing to get angry instead of worrying about others anger. The way I'm seeing it, you already are angry but can't find a productive way to get it out.

Something my therapist reminded me of is, when we suppress anger with others, we become more angry with ourselves. What holds you back from telling others you are angry with them, while being sober?

BayAreaPhoenix

I have a hard time knowing what to do with my anger. When I did/do I didn't know what else to do but to yell or silent treatment. Sometimes those were the OK things to do, but most of the time not. I still have to figure it out, case by case.

I agree with Chino, we do have to let it out or it turns inward on us - it's just figuring out how to do it appropriately. I think once we let it out, we either let it go, or our mind clears enabling us to clearly take action and do or say what we need to so whatever it was that made us angry in the first place is dealt with.

Here's something else to chew on - My meditation teacher said Monday night that our brains think. That's what they do, that's it's job. It has judgement thoughts, etc. but we CHOOSE what of those thoughts we believe. The way he said it clicked.

(((hugs))) those kind of frustrating days aren't fun, but they sure can be productive when we start cleaning with all that energy!!!!

winnie12

Splendra have you ever thought about taking some classes like kick boxing? it would be a great way to release some of that pent up agressive energy and you'll feel better aftwards (vs. the hangover and regret that blowing off steam with alcohol produces)

Jewelz

Spendra, your right this post does get me worried. But I also believe that its healthy for you to post about what your feeling inside of you.. doing that may help relieve some of those feeling you are battling within you.

I am not an alcoholic or an addict but I do believe I have traits of the addiction if I gave into them. Often times, more so lately I have had thoughts in my mind that says I might as well get high or drunk as well... then at least I wouldnt have to deal with their addiction. But we know that wouldnt solve anything and it would only make matters worse. Stay strong, keep coming here.

BTW, I think kickboxing would be a great stress reliever!

Hugs,
Jewelz

BigSis

Hey Splen... you know, when I go to recovery meetings, I am surrounded by folks who are making a concerted effort to live life a different way.

That "aura" of trying to be the best we can be helps me very much, and keeps me away from some of my survival weapons (like my anger and rage) and more in touch with recovery tools (like prayer, telephone and literature).


Sometimes, any meeting will do - Alanon, Naranon, AA, NA, even my OA meetings.

Maybe you can just pop in on one and pick up a shot of serenity instead of a shot of tequila, eh? (((hugs)))

splendra

I don't think I will get my point across to the people that need to hear it without being very angry, boiling over, hot.... cause they will not get my point otherwise. I can handle me and take good care of myself. I do not want to get drunk but I do want the part of me back that would have never put up with this crap...

Meetings don't really help me I have attended them in the past I worked the steps and did all of that. I have a sponcer that I call a lot but she is very ill right now and has also suffered a lot of loss in the past several years. I know I am powerless over my H but I have got to get some spine about getting him out of my life. I feel like I am dying I am completely broke, unemployed, losing my home, filing for bankruptcy, I don't even have enough gas to get to a meeting if I wanted to.

hello-kitty

I find I am able to get my point across better when I remain calm, cool and collected. Anger doesn't help me. It makes me feel negative, helpless and frustrated. It only distracts me and the person I am trying to get my point across to from the real issues.

(((hugs)))

Impurrfect

(((Splendra)))

I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

I do, totally understand about the anger. There are some people that I can deal with calm and collected, and others who only respond to my anger.

I did have to laugh about the tequila, though. I've never done shots of it because the people I've seen do it, turn mean and nasty.

I don't have any great advice, but I just wanted you to know I understand and am sending you big hugs and prayers.

Amy

Chino

I can't believe it took me all day long to remember that's called false courage.

That's a slippery slope so be careful!

splendra

I have been calm, cool and collected for too long. I am not being listened to. I have asked and asked for him to leave. He is still here.

I already know how to kick box I do not want to go to jail...

I do yoga and have several workout partners that I hang with.

hello-kitty

(((hugs)))

I hope whatever you do helps you achieve the desired results and you don't get hurt. I really hope it works. Good luck.

frankly

((Splendra))

All my love and support is going out to you right now. I'm not in the very best shape right now to give advice, but here goes, do whatever you have to do to find some peace and happiness. Life is too short for anything less.

Sending Hugs and Prayers my friend,
B

Ann

Well, no wonder you're angry, I'd be angry too. That's just way too much for one person to carry.

But here's a thought...maybe losing all this and filing bankruptcy will give you a chance to start brand new. You have nothing to lose (and I say that with love in my heart) but if you can find a job, get a small place you can afford, and enjoy the peace.

I sending a big hug and my prayers that your life turns a corner soon.