ToughChoices

I am trying not to lose it.

I called AH so that my son could say goodnight, and AH started yelling.
He's hurting and scared. His abdomen is tight, heavy, and swollen.
He's going back to the E.R.
But, while he's got me on the phone he's yelling and yelling about how I'm never there for him.

I'm too needy.
I'm selfish.
I'm inconsiderate.
I didn't wash the dishes for him.

I held the phone away from my ear, told him I was sorry that he was hurting, and I loved him.
He hung up on me.

I'm shaking. And sad.

There's no reasoning with him. He's acting crazy, and I'm trying to give it to God.

Help me.

DII

Hang tough! You're doing the right thing. Be strong for your son. If it means you don't talk to him to be there for your son....that's what you do. You and your son are THE most important people right now.

denny57

Do you have a sponsor or someone you can call. Giving it to a Higher Power is just that - giving it. I know it isn't easy. Try to remember that instead of yelling at you, he could also have made the choice to admit his illness and seek help in recovery.

Hang in there. Keep posting.

Chrysalis123

God grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Good for you for reaching out. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I'm praying for you right now.

ToughChoices

Thank you.
Thank you for reminding me that there are people out there who are capable of offering empathy and genuine kindness.

sodetermined

He's sick, and yet still able to try and manipulate you. Amazing.

I wonder if it ever occurs to him....well nevermind, of course it doesn't. But trying to be there for him, it would be kind of like trying to be there for a grizzly bear.

Hang in there, you are taking care of you, it's what you have/need to do!!!!

I am praying for you, TC.

:praying

GiveLove

Deep breaths, TC.

There were days when I had to repeat the serenity prayer 10 times (like doing the rosary for catholics) and take three deep, cleansing breaths in between.

Sometimes I'd break down on the 10th one, cry for a half hour, and then.....I could hear the small, still voice inside me again.

Breathe. We're here - we've got your back.

blessed4x

:praying and :ghug3

FormerDoormat

I understand your pain. I've been there, too. Scared, angry, and sad all at the same time. But still there was nothing I could do to save Richard from himself. As Richard neared the end of his days, I called him less and less frequently. It was too painful to see (or hear) him deteriorate. It was much easier for me to go about my daily life without knowing what was going on in his life. For me, ignorance was bliss.

If nightly good-night calls are causing you this much stress, you can always forgo them.

ToughChoices

Indeed.
Lately I gain so little from our conversations.
I've sort of come to understand that he doesn't have much to offer me - I'm not surprised by it any longer. I know that he can't be relied upon to build me up, but I wasn't expecting him to try and tear me down.

And it's crazy talk!

At least I can hear that now - at least now I can see it as sickness and manipulation - not as truth.
At least now I can shake and cry and, when I'm through, know that I am worthwhile, no matter what he says or thinks.

I am a good and loving woman. I have a lot to offer the world.

hadenoughnow

I was married to an A for 16 years who is a big time drama queen (or king).
Over that time I heard a lot of:

1. I am dying
2. I think I have cancer
3. I have an ulcer
4. no one cares
5. you don't care
6. it's all your fault
7. I am gonna die soon and you will get all the money anyway

quackquackquackquack

If he has the strength to call and yell at you then he is not even close to death yet.

Ago

Oh no


this made me really scared


reading about everything he's saying....then reading this....

I think......






oh my......




could it be?




I think............






You are married to my Ex.....











and that means........














He's Pregnant

hang in there Kiddo, we got your back :ghug3

ToughChoices

Ago, you crack me up!

Hearing other people's similar experiences does put it into perspective for me. I know that P is an individual, a unique and treasured person, but the alcoholic part of his brain sometimes seems like it was just pressed out of an "addict stamp".

When he started yelling about how my not picking him up and bailing him out of jail (DUI) was REALLY the problem in our relationship (evidence that I'm not "on his side"), it just seemed so textbook alcoholic.
I think it actually helped me see the rest of his comments in the appropriate light.

It hurts to hear that he perceives me in such a way, but I think that it's mostly just the addict in him twisting and writhing and searching for the source of his pain.

"Why is the woman I love abandoning me?"
"Why won't she help me?"
"It can't be that my alcohol abuse is the problem - it must be that she is cold and heartless."

And, let the berating begin!

A prayer for peace for his soul, and for all of ours, as we seek to better ourselves and see past this pain.

Thanks guys!
-TC