I've just found out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
I've just found out
that my mothers father was probably alcoholic. I knew my grandad, for quite a long time, he died just a few years ago. I never knew him to drink a drop in all that time. We had a strange relationship, he never seemed to see me as a grown up (until just before he died), I guess because I was his first grandchild and the only girl and because of his own upbringing, I dunno, I stopped trying to work people out now.
Last week when we were on holiday my aunt and i shared a bottle of wine, and the chat got around to my brother and his problems. I talked a bit about things I've read here and other things I've learned in other places, and I mentioned genetics, but said I couldn't get my head round that bit as I can drink normally blah blah.... We got on to how some kids can be born with genetic illnesses and some arent and just got talking. My dad's adopted so who knows what his birth family are like? My aunt started talking about how when she was younger she got loads of days off school because my grandad was supposed to get her and my uncle up in the mornings, after my nan had left for the mill, but he sometimes slept in because he'd been drunk the night before, how strict he was, how my nan used to have to borrow for the rent money, how they had tick at the local shops.
To say it was a shock is an understatement. I never had a clue. Although I do remember thinking it odd that my Grandad wouldnt ever have one drink even at christmas, the one time when the whole family got together and had wine at dinner.
I'm not sure how this leaves me, maybe when I've processed it I'll understand a little better why my mum is the way she is with my brother (she's 10 years older than my aunt and i think she was 15 years older than my uncle and sort of looked after them from a young age because of my grandparents jobs)
I don't know, I'm a bit confused, all this existed before I knew about it, so it can't change anything, but yet I feel I should understand more now. I really don't know what I'm trying to say to you, I just needed to share this with someone, hoping someone understands.
Last week when we were on holiday my aunt and i shared a bottle of wine, and the chat got around to my brother and his problems. I talked a bit about things I've read here and other things I've learned in other places, and I mentioned genetics, but said I couldn't get my head round that bit as I can drink normally blah blah.... We got on to how some kids can be born with genetic illnesses and some arent and just got talking. My dad's adopted so who knows what his birth family are like? My aunt started talking about how when she was younger she got loads of days off school because my grandad was supposed to get her and my uncle up in the mornings, after my nan had left for the mill, but he sometimes slept in because he'd been drunk the night before, how strict he was, how my nan used to have to borrow for the rent money, how they had tick at the local shops.
To say it was a shock is an understatement. I never had a clue. Although I do remember thinking it odd that my Grandad wouldnt ever have one drink even at christmas, the one time when the whole family got together and had wine at dinner.
I'm not sure how this leaves me, maybe when I've processed it I'll understand a little better why my mum is the way she is with my brother (she's 10 years older than my aunt and i think she was 15 years older than my uncle and sort of looked after them from a young age because of my grandparents jobs)
I don't know, I'm a bit confused, all this existed before I knew about it, so it can't change anything, but yet I feel I should understand more now. I really don't know what I'm trying to say to you, I just needed to share this with someone, hoping someone understands.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lucy)))
I didn't realize one of my grandfather's was also an alcoholic until I was an adult and my mom told me. He never went to meetings, but apparently quit drinking when my mom was still at home.
I do believe there's a genetic predisposition, and this helped me to understand why I became an addict, although I know there is more to it.
It probably does have a huge impact on how your mom deals with your brother. Hopefully, she will one day see that enabling someone just keeps them sick longer.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I didn't realize one of my grandfather's was also an alcoholic until I was an adult and my mom told me. He never went to meetings, but apparently quit drinking when my mom was still at home.
I do believe there's a genetic predisposition, and this helped me to understand why I became an addict, although I know there is more to it.
It probably does have a huge impact on how your mom deals with your brother. Hopefully, she will one day see that enabling someone just keeps them sick longer.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I've got a double whammy..
My birthfather was an addict/alcoholic, my birthmothers family is full of addicts/alcoholics and my adopted father is an active alcoholic. I was bound to have some issues.
I am so greatful for AA and Al-Anon.
My birthfather was an addict/alcoholic, my birthmothers family is full of addicts/alcoholics and my adopted father is an active alcoholic. I was bound to have some issues.
I am so greatful for AA and Al-Anon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
I suppose when/if I get my head round this I may be able to understand my mum a bit more. She has always said I'm just like my great gran, who had no time whatsoever for my grandad (I use the name Lucy because it was her name) she was my nans mum. My mum always says I have her strength but her faults too, the family thought she was a selfish eccentric, it amuses me if thats how my mum thinks of me but it saddens me too in a way the more i find out about my family.
I've started working on our family history recently, my mothers side (dads is to complicated for a beginner) it could be interesting
I've started working on our family history recently, my mothers side (dads is to complicated for a beginner) it could be interesting
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 113
Hi Lucy
I just typed you a long post but I was out of time so here is the shorter version.
My Mum big boozer. My Dad virtually teatotal.
I made a few silly desicions about drinking, but hopefully I am back on the right track.
After my last silly binge, my Dad sat me down for a chat. I am nearly forty but bless him.
Turns out his Dad, my Grandad was an alchoholic.
He was abit of a wheeler dealer but got lucky making crisps - I know bit strange- and selling them to pubs. Eventually bought a small factory near Bradford.
Anyway, he liked a drink, then liked to gamble. He lost the factory, the house everything, had to flee to Spain with his long term mistress.
My Dad, my Aunt and my Gran were eveicted on Christmas Eve, when my Dad was seven and my Aunty three.
My Dad said that as soon as I was born (and later my sister) he would never drink like my grandad so that we would not have the dog of a life he, my aunt and my gran had. I have never seen him drunk. He might have one beer at christmas. He explained that addiction ran rife on his side of the family and since then he never ever wanted to let alcohol dominate and ruin his but more importantly his families life.
The crisp factory ( I know sounds bizarre, still getting my head round) was sold on and became very successful.
You can still buy the crisps today, but they are now produced on a much bigger scale. The name they still have for the crisps is 'Seabrookes'!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you can get them in Manchester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B
x
I just typed you a long post but I was out of time so here is the shorter version.
My Mum big boozer. My Dad virtually teatotal.
I made a few silly desicions about drinking, but hopefully I am back on the right track.
After my last silly binge, my Dad sat me down for a chat. I am nearly forty but bless him.
Turns out his Dad, my Grandad was an alchoholic.
He was abit of a wheeler dealer but got lucky making crisps - I know bit strange- and selling them to pubs. Eventually bought a small factory near Bradford.
Anyway, he liked a drink, then liked to gamble. He lost the factory, the house everything, had to flee to Spain with his long term mistress.
My Dad, my Aunt and my Gran were eveicted on Christmas Eve, when my Dad was seven and my Aunty three.
My Dad said that as soon as I was born (and later my sister) he would never drink like my grandad so that we would not have the dog of a life he, my aunt and my gran had. I have never seen him drunk. He might have one beer at christmas. He explained that addiction ran rife on his side of the family and since then he never ever wanted to let alcohol dominate and ruin his but more importantly his families life.
The crisp factory ( I know sounds bizarre, still getting my head round) was sold on and became very successful.
You can still buy the crisps today, but they are now produced on a much bigger scale. The name they still have for the crisps is 'Seabrookes'!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you can get them in Manchester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B
x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 113
What I really wanted to say is that if I had to look at genetics for inherited addiction illness, I would look to my Mums side of the family.
But all along it was my Dads side.
Yet the misery that alcohol caused him, made him fearful to ever be more than a one beer a month man. For this I have the upmost respect for him.
When you think about it if your family has a history of breast cancer (which can be genetic) you would do all you can to avoid getting it? If your family has a history of bowel cancer (again somewhat proved to have a genetic basis) you would do all you could avoid it/ Such as monitor, diet etc.
So if your family shows addiction illness, why would you drink or take drugs?
Perhaps this is because someone else has witnessed their bottom when they needed their Dad/Mum/Partner.
I suppose with this, and I too struggle to see it as a disease, you do not have to follow that disposition.
If your Great Garndad, grandad and Dad was an addict it does not mean you have to be. You have the benefit of hindsight.
Still cannot eat Seabrooke cheese and onion though !!!!!!!!!!!!
B
X
But all along it was my Dads side.
Yet the misery that alcohol caused him, made him fearful to ever be more than a one beer a month man. For this I have the upmost respect for him.
When you think about it if your family has a history of breast cancer (which can be genetic) you would do all you can to avoid getting it? If your family has a history of bowel cancer (again somewhat proved to have a genetic basis) you would do all you could avoid it/ Such as monitor, diet etc.
So if your family shows addiction illness, why would you drink or take drugs?
Perhaps this is because someone else has witnessed their bottom when they needed their Dad/Mum/Partner.
I suppose with this, and I too struggle to see it as a disease, you do not have to follow that disposition.
If your Great Garndad, grandad and Dad was an addict it does not mean you have to be. You have the benefit of hindsight.
Still cannot eat Seabrooke cheese and onion though !!!!!!!!!!!!
B
X
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by Rebecca4 
Still cannot eat Seabrooke cheese and onion though !!!!!!!!!!!!
B
X
The thing with the genetic stuff is what gets me. Joe possibly carries a geneitc problem that could disable him in his 30s/40s it's no secret though, we all know about it, there are tests he can have to find out if he's suceptible to this, not something we need to think about right now, but everyone who needs to know knows.
With my brothers alcoholism it was as if he was the first person ever to be alcoholic! Like he was the first person on the planet, not just the first person in our family, which he wasn't anyway. I've talked to my mum about alcoholism being genetic, about us not knowing about my dads family history, if it could possibly be genetic, and she never ever mentioned my Grandad! Why not? Could she still be in denial about that, so many years on? He died 6 years ago and all my life I never remember seeing him drink at all, he lead me to believe he was dead against it. Is she still denying her dad had a problem with drink, even though he's dead and it doesn't make a difference? (maybe it does to her)
I'm gonna stop typing, I'm just thinking 'out loud' here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 113
You know what Lucy
What amazes me is the secrets are families keep from us when we are young.
I remember visiting my nana with my dad and sister. Sometimes, my grandads car would be there. If it was me and my sister were told 'do not ask where your grandads been (away boozing with his mistress) just say I hope you had a nice holiday!!
I find it funny but also heartbreaking how our parents protect us from thses things. Maybe it is like has been protected, but one day he will grow up in his late teens and twenties and whatever your best interests you will not be able to hide it.
Personally I have a problem with the illness part of the addiction. To me it gives the person the excuse to drink. They can turn round and say, I cannot help it, it is my illness. I think well if you know do not pick up the fist drink. If you were allergice to prawns you would not eat them would you?
I hate it when it is used as an excuse. However, today at work I have had to stop a patient supping the hand gel when you go into a hospital ward because of the high alcohol content.
When your like this is there any point?
I think honey you can handle this You can have a drink and say thats enough becuase you have children who rely on you. Your brother cannot because of his diseas. That can be excused a few times but not everyday all the time.
Thinking of you honey
Go to bed and get going with the family tree. TYou never know you could be the next heir to the Seabroke fortune!!!!!!!!!!!
B
x
What amazes me is the secrets are families keep from us when we are young.
I remember visiting my nana with my dad and sister. Sometimes, my grandads car would be there. If it was me and my sister were told 'do not ask where your grandads been (away boozing with his mistress) just say I hope you had a nice holiday!!
I find it funny but also heartbreaking how our parents protect us from thses things. Maybe it is like has been protected, but one day he will grow up in his late teens and twenties and whatever your best interests you will not be able to hide it.
Personally I have a problem with the illness part of the addiction. To me it gives the person the excuse to drink. They can turn round and say, I cannot help it, it is my illness. I think well if you know do not pick up the fist drink. If you were allergice to prawns you would not eat them would you?
I hate it when it is used as an excuse. However, today at work I have had to stop a patient supping the hand gel when you go into a hospital ward because of the high alcohol content.
When your like this is there any point?
I think honey you can handle this You can have a drink and say thats enough becuase you have children who rely on you. Your brother cannot because of his diseas. That can be excused a few times but not everyday all the time.
Thinking of you honey
Go to bed and get going with the family tree. TYou never know you could be the next heir to the Seabroke fortune!!!!!!!!!!!
B
x
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by Rebecca4
Go to bed and get going with the family tree. TYou never know you could be the next heir to the Seabroke fortune!!!!!!!!!!!
B
x
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