Just an update

Old 11-05-2008, 05:38 AM
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Just an update

Well it's been almost 3 weeks, and I know that I have made some progress, because I no longer constantly feel sick to my stomach. So I guess I should be focusing on that, and not on how I"m still have a rough time. I am just missing Chris so much. I am so lonely.

Monday at work, I received a phone call from Chris. I had a stupid moment, and actually let him talk, he seemed at first like he was gonna be nice. Then he comes out with how he heard last weekend that when I went down South to visit my friend, I let a mutual friend of ours ride with me. Chris was in the probation center at the time, and when our friend asked if he could ride with me, I agreed because he was going to help with gas money. (he is the best friend of my friend's hubby). I didn't tell Chris....which was wrong, I shouldn't have hidden it, but if I did it would have been a huge fight. So he's not known this for 2 years. Well anyway he found out about that this weekend, so he called me to throw that in my face, I guess. Then he goes on to say he also found out about a guy I was involved with BEFORE we were even together. Stupid me, I should have known, I can't talk to him, he's not gonna be nice.

So then I say to him, "why are you calling me, anyway, you've moved on". And he said well I just wanted to know why you hid that from me. And I said well because I didn't feel I could come to you and tell you, I said what about all the lies and stuff you hid from me? Then I told him I was busy and had to go, because there was no point in the conversation.

Then I get off the phone and was so angry, that he would call me like that, just to try and make me feel bad. Why the heck would he do that, for real???? I mean he's met this other girl, he's seeing her and yet feels the need to call me to throw my mistakes in my face. I don't get it.

And he's acting like this innocent man, oh poor Chris, Wendy hid something from him. What about all the f-in crap he hid from me? Drugs, women, alcohol, going to bars, staying out all weekend, verbal abuse? What about all that? Now he's acting like this innocent victim...ugh!

So I decide to write a letter and take it to him at work. I ended up handing it right to him (he looked rough by the way, I was kind of glad for that). On the back of the envelope I wrote "we all make mistakes, hopefully we can learn to forgive". And I handed it to him and told him that this is goodbye, she can have him. And I turned around and walked away, never looking back. He said "Hey, what you wrote on the back of this, see..." and I just got in the car. I'm sure he's probably thinking I should just forgive him and the fact that he asked a girl out 2 days after I kicked him out.

He tried calling me several times after I got back to work, I'm assuming after he read the letter, like 6-7 times, I didn't answer, didn't have anything to say and certainly didn't want to hear him make me feel bad again.

:codiepolice
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Old 11-05-2008, 06:19 AM
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Sometimes I wish that breakups were like being fired or quitting a job. You and the boss have a meeting, decide things aren't working, you pack up your stuff from your desk, you walk out the door and it's DONE. No lingering emails, no painful phone calls, no more contact EVER.

Sadly, it hasn't been that way in my world. I have been on both sides of the deal - the breaker upper and the dumpee. I've done the weeping and the wailing, I've done drive bys to see who he was with or what he was doing, I've told myself I won't answer that call or read that email... and then I do, and I'm sucked back into the drama one more time.

As I have learned more about recovery, I've made some changes. NOW when I say it's over, I mean it. I still have doubts and I still make some mistakes, but it's better. In my last painful breakup, I had some good recovery friends whom I could call when I really wanted to call HIM. They listened to me and then helped me to remember why I wasn't with him anymore. Others here have found help in journaling. That way they can go back and read what they wrote... again, remembering the pain and the sadness and the reasons that the relationship isn't working anymore.

It gets better, slowly but surely. Do something extra nice for yourself today. You deserve it!
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Old 11-05-2008, 01:59 PM
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Isn't it amazing? That Selective Memory Syndrome (SMS) is out of this world. Someone under the influence of alcohol can say and do so many nasty, cruel, disgusting, painful and dangerous things and "forget" every single one of them.
we say 1 small word, or do some minor thing and HEY PRESTO, they latch on and never forget.

Who needs a parrot squawking C**P at us all the time? Not ME.

Hope he gets something from your letter and he gets off his pitty pot.

God bless
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