Shivaya

Hi All,

Quick update on my life. STBXAH and I have both filed for divorce, unfortunately his reached me 1st, and he had a restraining and move-out order served on me, WHICH I WENT TO COURT THE VERY NEXT DAY AND HAD REVOKED B/C THEY WERE BASED ON FALSE, GROSS MISINFORMATION!

My children have been witness to many things that small children SHOULD NEVER BE EXPOSED TO, AND IT IS MY JOB AS THEIR MOM TO SEE THAT THIS STOPS NOW!

So...he started the battle, and now I'm in FULL FLEDGED FIGHTING MODE. I have ZERO CO-DEPENDANT/ENABLING BEHAVIORS, I HAVE THE TRUTH, STRENGTH AND SUPPORT OF SO MANY.....

Unfortunately, he is refusing to move out, so my next step is to try and get the court to Order him out!

I am so strong and confident and I can move through this with THE TRUTH, DIGNITY, GRACE, POISE AND STRENGTH.

I never thought it would feel so good to type STBXAH....although I think I feel 100% happier when I can type XAH!

Thanks to all here who keep my family in their prayers....I can feel them!

Shivaya

blessed4x

Shivaya......You sound so strong! It's good to know that the energy is there when needed. It will soon be time for me to put on my big girl panties and take care of business with my AH. Our stories are so similar, and I'm sure mine will will be just as big of a horses behind as yours has been.


Thanks for the update!

hadenoughnow

It sounds harsh but this kind of crap is why I filed immediately after my ex began to demand that I move out (when I asked him to separate) and started making false accusations that I was having an affair.

Rella927

Sending you prayers and support! Keep up that strength and you will be fine...

Jadmack25

Prayers and support to you in whatever you need to do for you and your kids.

God bless

Jazzman

Ugh... tough one. I've been through two and the best thing I did was keep working out to reduce the stress. I took out a lot of frustration on that poor tread mill.... It helped keep my emotions on an even keel.

Pajarito

(((Hugs))) to you Shivaya- and it's good to hear how well you're doing. You and I are going through the same thing. I never thought about how good it will be to type XAH until this week. It's amazing how when the going gets tough we step up to the plate. I did NOT want to do this, but with every bit of unbelievable action/crazy talk from STBXAH comes a slap in the face with reality, and I get stronger and stronger. I'm sorry it's turned ugly- for you and for me, but in my case STBXAH brought it on. I've had no choice but to stand nose to nose with him, and I'm told by a good friend- get-thick skinned and then when you are done- get rid of it. STBXAH is the only person in my life that I am having to be this tough on- and it's not always intuitive for me, but I'm getting there. Good luck with everything.

denny57

I went through a 2-yr divorce trial from hell. Most don't make it to trial, but feel free to PM me if you need any support. If you're in Los Angeles, let me know so I can tell you what judge to protest if it goes that far LOL.

ToughChoices

Good luck and lots of strength headed your way!

I've spent most of my life concerned with making sure other people have what they want/need - a divorce proceeding sure brings to light how unhelpful those learned behaviors can be!

Keep forging ahead, Shivaya! I know you can do it.

-TC

Shivaya

Thanks for your encouragement, all of you. Yes, it is difficult after a lifetime of letting people walk all over you, suddenly putting yourself first and doing things that would benefit YOU, and not others.

This is a tough but necessary change of behavior. I am lucky to have very dear friends who remind me daily of steps I need to take for myself, and stop worrying about how it might effect him.

Denny, I pray this does not go on for 2 yrs. I'm hoping it will be resolved in 6 months...

Paj, my STBXAH brought on the ugliness as well. He had every reason to believe that he could do whatever he pleased to get me taken away from my children and that I would fall down on my face and take it like I always have...NOT THIS TIME. It also is not my nature, but I like how you said you are going nose to nose. I am not backing down.

Thanks again for your words of support.

Shivaya

NYC_Chick

:ghug3 You're in my prayers!!!!

freeflower

See this scares me, but you are being very brave and strong. I am the one who left our home. Our children are grown and I asked him to leave, and he wouldn't so I packed up a few things and moved. I had to get out to try to get a grip on my life. I took my bills and left him with his and the house payment which he can afford and I can't. Now 7 months down the road, almost no contact, I'm really scared about what will happen if we go on to divorce. Will I look like crap for leaving a dui machine with the house (which is up for sale), will he make things up to drag me thru the gutter???????????? Man, you have my support, this is what I dread. I can't see it happening but my ah may turn on me too.

Lilyflower

Shivaya, I am so glad to come on line today and see your thread. You sound so strong and self assured, I admire your strength and resolve!

My love is with you and the kids, ((((((())))))) to all of you!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shivaya

Freeflower,

Please do not be scared. It's okay to leave your home with AH in it, especially since your children are grown. Noone can say anything negative about that choice.

In my case, I have lived with and accepted horrific things for such a long time, that a divorce is actually a Shining Bright Light for me. Yes, it can be emotionally draining, and yes my STBXAH continues to make false accusations about my character/parenting, but I know the Truth, I speak the Truth, I live the Truth every day, and I continue to fight when needed.

People say to me, "you seem so calm". Well, Yes! I know that what I am headed for is pure serenity and joy for the rest of my life. I will never have an experience in my life again as horrible as the one I've been living, because I will not let it happen again.

Yes, I have to remind myself daily that I matter, that I am great and that I deserve nothing less than lovingkindness!

So...please don't be scared. In my opinion you have nothing to be scared of. If your AH drags your name through the mud, then it's up to you to clean your name off (especially if the court is involved). As long as you have the truth on your side, it does not matter what he'll say or try and concoct. the truth is the truth and it always prevails!

Good luck to you and stay strong!

Shivaya

blessed4x

I really needed to hear this today. I think it's like jumping in the deep end. Taking the leap off the edge is scary, but once you're in the water feels so good. This morning I'm still standing on the edge looking in.

Pajarito

Oh do I need this today. I am struggling with MIL, and with STBXAH's lies about me. It is not intuitive or easy for me to stand up for what I know and believe in- especially when it might make others angry. I have lived too long trying to be a people pleaser. Now it's time for me to take care of myself. One of the hardest lessons I am learning is that I have to do what you describe above- regardless of whether other people like it, buy it or not. It actually makes me feel stronger when I speak the truth- and I hid it for so long. My MIL and STBXAH may not like the truth, but I will no longer lay down and take hiding, lying or trying to smooth things over. I am finally standing up for myself, and if they don't like it. . . too bad.

Yes- divorce is damn hard, but through all this pain there has to be a better life, and I am getting glimmers of it everyday.

blessed4x- you have come a long way. Whatever you decide you need to do will be well thought out, and you will do it when you are ready. ((()))

Shivaya

You can never go wrong when you are walking and living in the Truth. Yes, the truth will make those in denial very angry, the truth will make the liars angry, the truth will bring about confrontation.

So be it. I've been living with lies, hiding the drinking and all the behaviors that go with it. I have lived through this, I certainly can make it through a nasty divorce. And by the way, is there really such a thing as a non-nasty divorce?

We absolutely should stand up for ourselves. Nobody deserves to be broken down by verbal, emotional or physical abuse. We are our first babies, and we Must Take Care of Ourselves!

Shivaya

coyote21

Yes, In my case I have found this to absolutely the truth. You sound like a force to be reckoned (sp?) with. If you are able to keep this mental strength you will be fine.

Lots of us have been right where you are and are behind you. Good luck and may God bless.

Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug
Coyote