danilee

Hello everyone. I have been lurking here for a while just wanting to see if I could see any similarities with anyone and their situations - it really shows me that I am not alone. I am married to a clinically depressed alcoholic. I am 31 and he is 37. We have been together for 14 years and married for 9. We have an 8 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. I have always known that he had issues with depression and alcohol but I just kept hoping that he would eventually "get better". It has gotten very bad over the last year. For 13 years we had never seperated but have had 3 seperations this year - and this will be the last. I have filed for divorce. He is currently in a rehab facility (has been in detox twice and rehab twice as well). He is a kind, loving man with a huge heart and I will always love him - but I have finally realized that I am not "in love" with him anymore. I know that I can't go through any of this anymore and I am really trying to be strong. There are sooooo many things that have happened that I won't get into now. Both of his parents are alcoholics - his father has been sober for about 30 years but his mother is currently on her deathbed because of her excessive drinking - we have been told she has approx. one week left. He gets out of rehab tomorrow and I am scared to have to finally confront him as we have had no contact for 6 weeks now. He does know that I have filed for divorce but I don't think that he believes that I will really go through with it (and why would he - I have always let him back in before). I read so many stories where women say that they have been married to an alcoholic for 20, 30, 40 years and I don't want that to be me. In my heart I don't believe that this rollercoaster will ever end. I am so sad and letting go of the dream that I had for our family is the hardest of all for me right now. Well thanks for "listening" - and I thank all of you for sharing your stories - it really has helped me out a lot.

~Danilee

Rella927

Welcome to SR Danilee! So sorry that you are going through this however you sound like you know where you want to head and that is a great start! I believe that we all get to a point when we have had enough and it is then when a strength that we have never known appears and it is then we start to walk towards what we want in life!

I came here to SR because of the A's in my life but, I stayed because of me-That is a statement that has been said around here a lot and holds true! Glad that you found us and stopped "lurking" I do hope that you stick around there is a lot of support here as you have seen! Please check out the stickies at the top of the forum as they are filled with a wealth of information!

Also do not know if you have considered going to an Al-Anon meeting? I also went there because of the A's in my life and I gain so much just walking in the door each week about myself!

Keep posting!

sslusser

Welcome. I am sorry you are going through this too. It is so hard when you realize that the best way to love someone is to let them go.

Al-Anon has been very helpful for me. Also reading here is very helpful. I left my AW thinking that she would wake up after realizing that I was gone. Instead she decided to drink away any feeling she might have rather than deal with them or me. I just want for her to wake up and see what she is doing to herself and her family. I learned through Al-Anon and SR that I can't wake her up, only she can do that.

When I left I felt like I was the worst person in the world for leaving someone who was "Sick" alone to fight her demons. I realized that as long as I was there it was me who had to fight them. I would never let them get to her. I am finding it hard to let go of that dream too. I balance it by realizing that only half of us had that dream! Even if I had stayed that dream wasn't coming true.

She may never wake up but I did and it sounds like you have too. I wish you all the strength you need for you and your children. Life has a way of getting better with time.