tweetygirl

will try and post this again for the 3rd time ,
long story and will write it again,

i have been friends with a man for 3yrs now who i would believe is an alcoholic,
he drinks 2 and a half bottles of vodka a week (neat i may add)
i've only recently noticed what he drinks the pst few months as i have been spending alot of time with him after his mum and dad passed away this yr.
he works in the pub trade and lives there aswell as working there.
his family arnt aware of his problems.

i approached him a few weeks ago about his constant drinking in the daytime and evening,
at first he said he didnt have a problem and then he then said he could pack up drinking in the daytime if he wished,
well think that was to pasify me as i regulary caught him out,
in the morning he would sometimes sweat and shake,
he appears not to look drunk as he does not stagger around.

the thing that is bothering me at the moment is his behaviour towards me,
sometimes at night time when he sits alone having a drink he can send the most nasty texts and emails,
saying that im not the person he thought i was,
that i would be better off without him goodbye,
you have just lost your best friend (not suicidal just saying i had lost him as a friend)
he had booked a holiday for us for xmas as my bday is then and he cancelled it just being nasty.
etc etc
we recently got involved together which makes his hurtfull comments even more painfull.

i care about this person and have tried to be there for him at his mum and dads funeral and just generally trying to help him and it breaking my heart,
as i know he can be the loveliest man , but then changes,i presume when hes had abit too drink.
what do i do,? we normally speak everyday and its been 3days since we spoke.
it's effecting my wellbeing my appetite has reduced and i'm constantly thinking and worrying about him and hoping he's okay.

any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
thankyou.

tweetygirl

anyone?

Justme57

Hi,
Well, weather he is an alcoholic or not, his behaviour is unacceptable
IF he is indeed an alcoholic, there is nothing you can do. Only he can do something . believe me, no amount of talking, nagging, or arguing will have any effect until he wishes to change .
In regard to yourself, let it go !
let him know that his behaviour is unacceptable to you, and that you dont wish to be involved any more . i know, I was a drunken "texter" and 'dialler" when I was drinking, and more often than not, I would not remember who or what I had "texted"
he wont do anything until he sees consequences from his actions, but you are better off out of it .

I know it sounds harsh, but it is the reality of the situation
protect you own well being, and let him go . There is NOTHING you can do

JMHO

HUGX
Leigh

Stubborn1

I have to agree. If you want more of this then continue to hang out with him. Nothing you can do will change him. He will tell you everything under the sun to keep you around, push you away, keep you around, push you away. My advice? You do not have children with this man, you don't have anything invested but a short friendship......I'd chalk this up to experience and find someone worth the time.
I found that people here don't post when you are self inflicting pain and suffering upon yourself. If we had the answers none of us would be here. The fact is you can not change him. You are not that powerful. It's not worth it....you'll save yourself lots of time if you walk away.

tweetygirl

it just really hurts me to think i can't help him,
i feel like by letting him go that i have failed him as he has a drinking problem and feel sorry he's lost his parents,
but i understand what your both saying and appreciate your advice,
i have booked to go on holiday at xmas on my own as i wanted to enjoy my bday.
sad when it seems i have to let go of a friend i cared about, but can see no other option.

Justme57

I really understand tweety, but you have to look after yourself first

We alcoholics are an unreliable lot when drinking, and you are probably better off going on Holidays alone, than having to constantly worry wheather your companion was drinking or not .

unfortunately , for those close to us, our behaviour is unpredicatable when drinking, and your holiday may well have been spoilt

Enjoy !


HUGX
Leigh

Stubborn1

I have had to attend two best friends funerals due to their alcoholism. I was still friends with them at times but had to space out my time with them. My friends were never cruel to me though. Yes, sometimes you have to walk away knowing they can die.

tweetygirl

so if i let him go then i havent let him down as a friend who has a drinking problem,?
guess thats me just feeling guilty.

Stubborn1

By you sticking around with him you are enabling to have his cake and eat it to. By walking away so early on you are being a good friend by showing him you care enough about yourself. You're also being a good friend by not sitting by and watching him self destruct (a long drawn out suicide).
Tell him to look you up after he gets a year under his belt.

tweetygirl

yes , your probably right, if he tries to contact i will just say that,
thanks for all your comments,
he often said to me stop playing the victim, which wasnt a nice thing to say, but maybe he's right,
just leave him to it.

GiveLove

He's an adult and has a right to make his own choices, tweety, even if they seem like (and are, imho) really unhealthy ones. It's his life -- YOU aren't doing anything but tending to your own, and you might say a little prayer (in whatever way you pray) that he finds his way. That's really all you can do.....this is all up to him.

Justme57

Hi again Tweety

When I was drinking, I was the Queen of Victims ! LOL I know you are not drinking, but i was told something by an AA friend , which I have never forgotten, and it may help you
and that is
"people will only treat us as we allow them to"
and it is time, my friend, that you demanded more ! You are worth it

HUGX
Leigh

Jadmack25

Agree with all who have posted replies to you tweetygirl.
God bless