Question for Al-Anon Sponsors

Old 11-04-2008, 09:27 AM
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Question for Al-Anon Sponsors

I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months. She has been going to Al-Anon
meetings for over a year and has a sponsor she really likes. She is working her steps slowly but surely. Is it healthy for her to be in a relationship with
me during this process ?
I support her completely, I have gone to meetings with her and had good dialogue about her steps. Her walls can be quite high and I think she has a
hard time trusting people. I don't want out, I want her to be healthy.
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Old 11-04-2008, 07:13 PM
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Welcome, Niedler, glad you're here!

Did something specific happen to make you question the relationship?
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Old 11-04-2008, 07:31 PM
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My ESH is people are free to do whatever they choose in Al Anon i.e. be single or be in a relationship.

Have you thought about joining?
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Old 11-04-2008, 08:05 PM
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My sponsor and I talked a lot about relationships. She helped me to examine my motives and my feelings...and if I was healthy enough to be able to contribute to a healthy relationship. There were times that I could, and times that I couldn't
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Old 11-05-2008, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Niedler View Post
Is it healthy for her to be in a relationship with
me during this process ?
I don't want out, I want her to be healthy.
Her choice.

It's her choice as to whether or not she makes healthy choices and what "healthy choices" means to her.

I wanted XABF to be healthy too - to the point where I was unhealthy.

Thing is - not using the tools I learned in recovery from codependence would not get me very far in my recovery. Hiding from life won't get me any closer to who I want to be
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Old 11-05-2008, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Niedler View Post
Is it healthy for her to be in a relationship with
me during this process?
Hi Niedler:

How about the following question: Is it healthy for you to be in a relationship with her during this process?

Originally Posted by Niedler View Post
Her walls can be quite high and I think she has a
hard time trusting people. I don't want out, I want her to be healthy.
It's OK to want her to be healthy. However, having said that, whenever I tried to make others around me healthy, the end result was I got very sick. I soon realized that I wouldn't be of any benefit to anybody, including myself, if I am sick. Getting healthy for me made me aware that I can't make others healthy.

Peace.
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