Is Al-Anon for spouses of recovering addicts too?

Old 11-03-2008, 10:58 PM
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Is Al-Anon for spouses of recovering addicts too?

I'm new here, so...Hi, I guess!

My husband is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for about 6 months. (His longest ever!) Although I'm very proud of his accomplisment, and the dedication he's demonstrated towards his recovery (working his steps, going to meetings, etc...) I find myself in a bit of a strange place. Because I've been out of state taking care of a sick family member for the better part of five months, I'm afraid that I don't really know how to deal with his recovery. I admit that I've distanced myself from his process, in part to ensure that it is "his own", but also partly to protect myself from the disapointment of too many cycles of relapse.

Anyway, I was talking with my friend (whose father is 26 years sober and still very involved in an active recovery) about how I didn't really know how to be a good wife to a recovering alcoholic, and how I was feeling alienated from him since he (with my most sincere blessings) became so involved in AA. She suggested that Al-Anon might be a good place to start.

I guess I always thought that Al-Anon was a place for people whose lives were affected by people who drank....is it also a place for people who are learning to live with a loved one who no longer drinks? It seems silly and petty to complain or be concerned about things that have happened since he stopped drinking...I mean after all, isn't that the main objective? But I begin to wonder if there isn't some sort of recovery process that I'm supposed to go through myself...from someone who was an enabler (active or not) to someone who can be a supporter?

I don't know if this is the right forum to reach out for help in this matter. If not, I hope you'll forgive me on the basis that I'm kind of new to this. But if you can give me any advice, I'm all ears...

Thanks for hearing me out,

Frankie
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Old 11-04-2008, 12:42 AM
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Yes, just because our addicts/alcoholics stop using doesn't mean that all the bahaviors go away or all those feelings that we have about them using go away.

Go, share, learn.
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Old 11-04-2008, 12:45 AM
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I guess I always thought that Al-Anon was a place for people whose lives were affected by people who drank....is it also a place for people who are learning to live with a loved one who no longer drinks?
Please reread this quote. If you have to learn how to live with someone that no longer drinks, I'd say your life was affected by the drinking don't you?

Trust me, you were affected, more than you realize at the moment. Alanon is perfect for someone like you IMHO,
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Old 11-04-2008, 08:22 AM
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Frankie,

Hi, welcome to SR.

Al-Anon is most definetely a place for you! If you want to learn to live your life, to put the focus on what you do and do not have responsibility for, then Al-Anon is a place for you.

I attend Al-Anon one night a week and Nar-Anon one night a week. My father is an alcoholic (82 (or so) years old w/dementia and no drivers license) so is limited to one beer a night now, but still very classic alcoholic behaviors and my 28 year old son is a drug addict. Both groups are helping me to learn to put the focus on me, what I am responsible for, what I can control and how I can live my life with serenity.

Check out a few meetings.
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Old 11-04-2008, 08:48 AM
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Al-Anon Sponsor Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months. She has been going to Al-Anon
meetings for over a year and has a sponsor she really likes. She is working her steps slowly but surely. Is it healthy for her to be in a relationship with
me during this process ?
I support her completely, I have gone to meetings with her and had good dialogue about her steps. Her walls can be quite high and I think she has a
hard time trusting people. I don't want out, I want her to be healthy.
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Old 11-04-2008, 08:58 AM
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In my experience the drug of choice does not matter because when I attend Al-Anon the focus is on _me_ and how I respond or relate to other people, places and things. That's what I need to do whether someone I love is using/drinking or working a program of recovery. The people closest to me are in recovery and doing well, yet I find that more than ever I still benefit from attending Al-Anon.
It's a wonderful program, I hope you give it a try.
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